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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

dd has asked if boyfriend can sleepover.....

86 replies

cajerz · 21/03/2008 22:46

She is 15, been with him just over a year. He's 16 and has always seemed a nice lad, spends alot of time here in her room which I am fine with.

Apparently, if we allow this, he will have her bed and she will sleep on the sofa! When I asked her what was the point of him stopping then she said it would mean that he didn't have to go home early.

What would you say?

OP posts:
fingerwoman · 21/03/2008 22:48

hmm, i would maybe ok it. but i would def lay down the law to him and warn him that you're a very light sleeper and if you hear ANY footsteps up or down the stairs you'll be out of bed like a shot

fishie · 21/03/2008 22:49

is this tonight? where is the sofa?

brimfull · 21/03/2008 22:51

Are his parents ok with him staying over?

I would probably do what fingerwoman said.

Original poster
cajerz · 21/03/2008 22:52

Sofa downstairs. Thats why I asked her the point because she won't be able to talk to him let alone anything else!

Not tonight.. she is asking for Sunday night

OP posts:
Original poster
cajerz · 21/03/2008 22:53

Don't know about his parents. She hasn't even asked him yet.

OP posts:
lisad123 · 21/03/2008 22:56

I would have to say no but thats my own opinion. She is 15, still a child. I was never allowed a boy in my room at all growing up, and even the night before my weddign when we stayed at my parents, me and DH had to sleep in different rooms. I admit my parents were strict but wont be letting my girls have boyfriends sleep over.

Its upo to u, but dont really see the need for it.

Original poster
cajerz · 21/03/2008 22:56

It's weird because it's not that I don't trust them really. I think it's because she's still 15!

As soon as she turns 16 in August I'll probably be ok with, it although I know thats irrational!

OP posts:
Original poster
cajerz · 21/03/2008 22:58

Thats kind of my thinking lisa but shes laying it on about how I don't trust her and all her friends are doing it blah, blah blah

OP posts:
lisad123 · 21/03/2008 23:08

but she isnt her friends, and you arent their mothers. If your not happy about it, tell her no. She might strop for a while but you sound like a fair woman. What time does he stay till?

Original poster
cajerz · 21/03/2008 23:11

He's usually here till around 8 and then he gets picked up.

No buses that late round here

OP posts:
Original poster
cajerz · 21/03/2008 23:13

I have told her no now. Have said we will review it in the summer holidays when she turns 16.

She is currently sulking in her bedroom.

OP posts:
lisad123 · 21/03/2008 23:15

cant he stay a little later? That might help.

expatinscotland · 21/03/2008 23:18

i'd do what fingerwoman said.

cluelessnchaos · 21/03/2008 23:19

cant you offer to run him home at say ten as a compromise?

expatinscotland · 21/03/2008 23:19

but then i had parents who were strict about stuff like that so instead my sister and i just sneaked around.

we lied and said we were at friends' houses but instead we were sleeping in cars with boys, in motel rooms, at older friends' apartments, etc.

hellish · 21/03/2008 23:22

I had my bf stay over at 15 and we DID sneak around in the middle of the night and yes we did have sex. Not to say your dd will, but really she'll do it somewhere if she really wants to.

Original poster
cajerz · 21/03/2008 23:22

Oh yes, offering to take him home later might work. When shes stopped sulking I'll suggest it! Thanks

OP posts:
BoysOnToast · 21/03/2008 23:22

hmmm

you do know they shag in the day anyway, right?

no idea whats right.

with my boys... i will prob allow the girls to stay over as id rather them be under my roof than gawdknowswhere else... but hmmm.

maybe its ok to say no to a 15yo. my parents were v v relaxed... and was good on the whole, but maybe a little more, um, structure, might have stood in for the self respect i had none of. who knows?

lisad123 · 21/03/2008 23:23

if they are gonna have sex there isnt a lot you can do, but saying boys can stay (i mean stay in the girls room) is saying you agree with what they are doing. Sorry that my opinion.

Remotew · 21/03/2008 23:23

I think you already know what is right. Wait until she is 16 in the summer and make sure his parents are OK with it. Also a chat about contraception will not go amiss.

WallOfSilence · 21/03/2008 23:23

Well I would rather know what my kids were up to under my own roof than have them trying to be 'at it' in the back seat of a car or up some alleyway!

If he sleeps on the sofa no harm done!

And you say you trust her... maybe if he slept in a sleeping bag on her floor then they could chat as well?

I remember my sister's boyfriend used to stay over (3 girls shared a room at this stage) He lay on the floor in a sleeping bag & chatted half the night!

brimfull · 21/03/2008 23:27

boysontoast- I wondered that too,but maybe I'm just cynical.My dd seems to think that it's perfectly reasonable to assume that two teens are NOt sleeping together,whereas I assume they are.

BoysOnToast · 21/03/2008 23:29

if the sofa in question is in her room... then no. thats just too easy. lisad makes a fair point; its ok-ing it. but of the sofa is elsewhere and they have to work to break the rules a litytle... thats different. maybe.

like i say tho - just coz the sun is up, dont mean they aint doin it.

my pal usede to have her boyf over for hours in her bedroom, allowed. as soon as it got dark, her mum would make him leave... wtf? naive or what?

kama · 21/03/2008 23:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

expatinscotland · 21/03/2008 23:30

i had sex on the living room floor with my folks down the hall in their bedroom.

i also had sex on their bed when they weren't there.