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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

dd has asked if boyfriend can sleepover.....

86 replies

cajerz · 21/03/2008 22:46

She is 15, been with him just over a year. He's 16 and has always seemed a nice lad, spends alot of time here in her room which I am fine with.

Apparently, if we allow this, he will have her bed and she will sleep on the sofa! When I asked her what was the point of him stopping then she said it would mean that he didn't have to go home early.

What would you say?

OP posts:
expatinscotland · 21/03/2008 23:31

god, i was a slapper .

brimfull · 21/03/2008 23:31

we are not surprised expat-

BoysOnToast · 21/03/2008 23:32

well ggirl, i guess its possible theyre not. i wouldnt assume either way i suppose, to be fair... but i wouldnt be remotely surprised if they were. more so if they werent, if im honest.

and the more indignant they are, the less i believe them

expatinscotland · 21/03/2008 23:33

i couldn't wait to be rid of my cherry, at that age.

expatinscotland · 21/03/2008 23:33

i couldn't wait to be rid of my cherry, at that age.

BoysOnToast · 21/03/2008 23:33

expat -me too

lisad123 · 21/03/2008 23:34

I told my mum once that it didnt have to be night for me to have sex! I got a yelling at for that.
MY mum knew i was having sex with my boyfriend (now my husband) and i was allowed to stay at his but not in her house. She said she couldnt stop me but would not condone it.

expatinscotland · 21/03/2008 23:37

i sat on it for a while, though, boys, because i didn't want just anyone. i wanted a real man who knew what he was doing.

then i went to France for a year as an exchange student, where i was probably the only 15 year old virgin around for miles.

i had this hot 23-year-old host brother.

finally, when i turned 16, i couldn't take it anymore, and he was home from Paris, where he was working.

so i crept over to his room in my blue cotton, lace-edged nightie and softly rapped on his door.

he just smiled and said, 'i was hoping you'd come' and stepped back to usher me inside.

he was worth the wait .

we still laugh about it.

both our spouses know he deflowered me.

brimfull · 21/03/2008 23:38

I have a friend whose dd has been going out with a boy for about a yr .SHe was shocked when I insinuated that they may be having sex.She simply hadn't even given it a thought

expatinscotland · 21/03/2008 23:41

my mother was just as clueless, ggirl.

of course, we never went out with anyone for an entire year at that age.

god, no.

BoysOnToast · 21/03/2008 23:43

bravo expat, whgat a story.

i was 15 still, just. thought id better see what all the fuss was abolut since id be legal soon an all... picked a horny young man who happened to be available that very night and had my wicked exploratory way with him all night in the bed of the elder daughter of my dads GF, who was away at oxford at the time. boy was she pissed when she heard. was the first time (of many) that i realised that a reasonably attractive girl need not chase after it, but merely choose which of the panting hordes to say yes to... oh what an education.

brimfull · 21/03/2008 23:44

I know a yr is an eternity at that age.

My friend won't discuss contraception with her either-too embarassed.

BoysOnToast · 21/03/2008 23:44

ggirl, shocked my ARSE. good actress maybe...

if she was truly chaste, she wouldve been more convincing... but shocked at the very idea? nope. that girl was LYING.

expatinscotland · 21/03/2008 23:45

oh, pierre taught me the art of taking my time, boys, and chosing well. and never to put up with shite sex .

i have him to thank in part for my mostly great sex life.

that and my 'ho tendancies.

brimfull · 21/03/2008 23:46

no,THE MOTHER was shocked that I assumed her dd was shagging a boy.

AussieSim · 21/03/2008 23:48

My mum did the "rather it happen under our roof etc" thing from 16 and in hindsight I wish she had been stricter and spoken to me about respect and being sure and love and all that stuff and told me to wait if I had any doubts ... aint hindsight a wonderful thing?

BoysOnToast · 21/03/2008 23:48

ahhhh

right. so shes just plain in denial. nothing unusual there then. lol

pierre sounds a treasure, expat. would that alastair was quite such a gent... arf. hes doing time for stalking now if the media is to be believed

Remotew · 21/03/2008 23:49

Stupid to be shocked that your teenagers are having sex. It cannot be that long ago that you were their age.

BoysOnToast · 21/03/2008 23:50

aussie - yeah, i think the same. but whos to know how we'd have felt if things were different? i know all my pals were busy lying to therir parents... so is there a difference? dunno.

expatinscotland · 21/03/2008 23:50

yes, Aussie, but that love stuff gives a person the idea that sex has to be tied to love and emotion.

for some of us, it isn't always.

some of us just enjoyed it.

i never saw having sex as a teen a compromise of my self-respect, and am grateful to my first French lover for opening my eyes up to a more open-minded attitude towards sex, as a pastime, as fun.

when there's love attached, great.

but i've had just as extraordinary sex with a relative stranger.

brimfull · 21/03/2008 23:52

It's weird to think of your own dd at that stage though isn't it?

Remotew · 21/03/2008 23:53

Saying that, I think it is worth respecting the age of consent which is 16. From a parental point of view. Unless they have or will change the age which this government seems fit to have the power. So one day it may be 16 then the next 18 but perhaps that is me being cynical.

Remotew · 21/03/2008 23:54

ggirl no not weird at all.

expatinscotland · 21/03/2008 23:55

not really, gg.

i envision them often enough as women.

BoysOnToast · 21/03/2008 23:56

yes expat, i started out that open minded about it... was only later on, when i started having sex and not being ashamed of it... that i realised with a start that the world was not the forgiving and laid back and easy going place i had thought it to be. was brought back to earth with a jolt by the unkindness of folk whos opinions should have meant FUCK all to me.