dd has asked if boyfriend can sleepover.....

[cajerz]

She is 15, been with him just over a year. He's 16 and has always seemed a nice lad, spends alot of time here in her room which I am fine with.

Apparently, if we allow this, he will have her bed and she will sleep on the sofa! When I asked her what was the point of him stopping then she said it would mean that he didn't have to go home early.

What would you say?

Speak to his parents first and see how they feel about it, then give dd a HUGE talk about contraception! If she can discuss this maturally with you then she is responsible enough to obey your wishes.

There is no way I would allow this! When my daughters are 20, then maybe. I am old fashioned, I know, but sex is a major thing. It's not something to play around with or be silly about and I am VERY against children doing it.

A sixteen year old has no idea about the true meaning of love. I don't understand the reason why people automatically allow their children to partake in such a thing "just because they're 16."

having spoken to friends about first sex experiences and some were really damaged emotionally by it, especially by feeling used by uncaring boys (and not just in the "I thought he loved me" general meanness and lack of consideration).

I think it is more important than numerical age and whether or not in love to be able to handle the contraception, the emotional consequences of it being an uncomfortable disaster first but stick with it with kindness and humour, safe sex in terms of health, and actually enjoying the exploration of pleasure, talking about what you want etc, and actually wanting it in the first place. not all of us meet magical french fellows (if only ) dealing with nasty people and general sexist attitudes (so sad that people are still on this level)

your friend needs to be up front with her daughter, or a grown-up friend (you maybe) at least about contraception, but about the other sides of it too

LOL This thread has just reminded me of when I was discussing my brother and his gf with my best friend, and we were on about wether we thought they'd had sex, and I said that they were in the house there own the other day, and she was absolutly gobsmacked that they could of had sex in the day, her face was a picture, and I nearly wet myself laughing.

In response to the OP though, I would allow it, along with the warning of me being a very lightsleeper etc.

I am quite permissive but I would say no .. reason being, my friend got pregnant at 15 and her boyfriend was allowed to stop over. I know she may have become pregnant anyway, but I am sure that her mum basically condoning it contibuted. Very sensible girl, really, just not a very lucky girl.

My ds1 (16.6) and his gf (16) have been staying over at each others houses and away on hols with each others families since they started dating 2 years ago.

They started off sleeping in seperate rooms but when they were on a holiday to her folks in Wales they slept together twice. Once with and once without protection.

When they came back i spoke to them both and helped them sort out contraception and they share a room now. She got the implant when she turned 16 (in January) If i am honest i would have prefered it if they had waited a bit longer but am glad they felt able to come and tell me they needed help.

Teenagers have sex even when we don't want them to and it was my job as his mum to make sure they were given info and help to look after each other.

TBH it doesn't bother me one bit now cos they love one antother and i am happy and glad that the person they first made love with was someone they loved very much and were comfortable with. Much better than a drunken fumble imo.

As a lot of people have already made clear if they want to have sex they'll be having sex in the day already, so won't make much difference. I let DD1 who is 18 and her boyfriend sleep in her room as they are 18 and responsible for their own actions. DD2 who is 15 often has a couple of boys, one being her boyfriend as well as a couple of girls stay over in her room which i am happy with because well, they wouldnt shag in front of the others would they! But if just her boyfriend stays over he sleeps in the spare room. talk to your dd about contraception rosa!! offer it to her if need be.

Sorry rosbo but don't be too sure, I remember at 15 being present in the room when my friend lost her virginity, and other rather dubious nights spent in friends bedrooms too.

right so you just sat and watched whilst your friend had sex I think my dd would at least do it where others weren't watching!

My DH started staying over when he was 15, I was 16, the first few times I stayed in my sisters room then we just shared a bed after that, we were already ahving sex in the daytime so It seemed a bit daft to allow us to have sex in the day but not have the nice experience and sharing a bed together and cuddling all night.

Yes, Rosbo it does sound a bit doesn't it? But I wasn't watching, I was having a snogging sessioin with my bf at the time. She told me afterwards that they had "gone all the way" (under the covers I assume, as I didn't see anything).

Sounds gross but then 15 year olds are notoriously low on sensibilities I think, hence the bus stop and alley stories.

Not saying that's what your dd is doing, I hope my kids are not up to the same stuff I was at 15 for sure.