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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

15 year old bedtime

133 replies

Felic23 · 29/01/2024 21:40

I'm so tired! I've just increased my Son's bedtime from 9.30pm to 10pm on school nights..All his friends are in a habit of having a group call at this time and my Son was according to him only one who had to get off call to go to bed.

Even with this later bedtime I can hear he is still having to leave the call whilst they continue till I don't know what time. He is arguing the point that he gets up for school every day so hassle, is on time and doing well in school. So wants to extend again to 10.30pm to join in call longer.

The problem is 1. I don't think he will be getting enough sleep 2. I used to go to bed at 9.30pm. Now I'm staying awake in order to take phone off him at 10pm and say goodnight
I'm exhausted, what do other parents do when they want to go to sleep before teen on school nights?

OP posts:
Original poster
Felic23 · 29/01/2024 21:42

I get up at 6am every day so by 9pm I'm ready for bed, I'm aware that's early but I guess I just need lots of sleep!

OP posts:
fourelementary · 29/01/2024 21:44

It’s very early- even for a 6am wake up. What time does your son need to get up? 9.30/10 is very early for a teenager and tbh my teens choose their own bedtime as long as they’re up in the morning. It’s healthy for them to take control of their own lives…

Original poster
Felic23 · 29/01/2024 21:47

He gets up at 7am. I could just leave him to it and go to bed but the trouble is I'm totally against phones in bedrooms. It's only me and him so no one to take phone off him at a reasonable time if I go to sleep. So I'm just sat here waiting so I can go to bed 😴

OP posts:
FawnFrenchieMum · 29/01/2024 21:48

I have a screen time lock on my DDs phone for 9:45 (she’s 12 so younger then your DS), she’s just negotiated an increase from 9:30 as she is always up on time with no hassle etc. I don’t feel the need to stay up until then. I go to bed whenever I’m ready and say night as I’m passing her room. By 15 my DS no longer had screen locks etc. As long as he was getting up I just left him to it.

Exasperatednow · 29/01/2024 21:52

Do a deal with him. Trust him to put the phone away at 10.30. Do a couple of random checks if you must but at some point you are going to have to start relaxing the rules anyway.
If he's doing OK at school and is OK otherwise you need to find a way forward that works better for both of you, which means he can stay up if you need to go to bed.
You need to trust him unless he gives you reason not to.

Original poster
Felic23 · 29/01/2024 21:53

@FawnFrenchieMum thanks for reply. If I could figure out how to lock phone then I will do that. He will probably be able to break it somehow though! It's the phone that's causing the issue as otherwise I would just go to bed.

OP posts:
CandyLeBonBon · 29/01/2024 21:54

Take the phone when you go to bed and leave him to it!

DawnBreaks · 29/01/2024 21:55

At 15 my sons were free to deal with their own screen time and bedtimes. As long as they were getting up for school with no issues and as long as he wasn't shouting down his Xbox headset/group chat etc after half 10, they could please themselves. I couldn't imagine taking their phones away before bed time at 15!!

SgtJuneAckland · 29/01/2024 21:58

9pm is very early for an adult to go to bed, even with a 6am wake up that's 9 hours of sleep a night. Put a usage monitor on his phone and tell him he needs to be in bed lights out by eleven, that's still 8 hours sleep, plenty for most people.

You can check his phone use through the monitoring app, you're giving him the opportunity to self regulate with guidance, if he can't stick to that it's back to giving you the phone.

Neverpostagain · 29/01/2024 22:05

Madness. Tell him to be in his room and quiet by whatever time suits you. Don't monitor what he does in there and don't put a lock on his phone. He's practically an adult! I have no idea why he is accepting this sort of nonsense from you. Probably because he is a GOOD KID. Back off.

IcedupTulip · 29/01/2024 22:11

My just turned 15 year old goes to bed at 9.30. Well he’s meant to but it often stretches out til 10. I thought 9.30 was reasonable. He does look tired quite often (although he says he isn’t) I work with teens and hate how so many are permanently exhausted all the time. Falling asleep in lessons etc. I didn’t want my teen to be the same. Sleep is so important.

Marblessolveeverything · 29/01/2024 22:16

That's very early my 15 would go around 10:30, I go after midnight we are both up early no bother.

I would set the phone to go off at a certain time and let him work out his own bed Time. He is three years off being an adult by allowing him figure this out you are teaching him a valuable skill.

sweetpeasandtea · 29/01/2024 22:22

My nearly 15yo DS goes to bed at any time between 10pm-1am however all devices have to be downstairs by 9.30-10ish in the week (a bit of flexibility if he's doing homework he needs internet for or on a call with mates) and a bit later at the wkend/school holidays. Then as long as he's quiet in his room it's up to him to regulate when he goes to bed.

Wigeon · 29/01/2024 22:30

My 15 year old doesn't have a bedtime any more. 9.30pm seems very early. You can set up a lock for the phone (eg it automatically turns off at 10pm, or after a set number of hours use a day), so you don't need to physically be there. We use Family Link.

ForensicFlossy · 29/01/2024 22:54

My dd14 goes to bed at 10pm and charges her phone in her room overnight as she has proved herself completely trustworthy with it. My dd16 has done her own bed time and charged her phone in her room for the last couple of years as she has also proved herself trustworthy. They need the chance to regulate themselves.

WandaWonder · 29/01/2024 22:57

My child just puts the device in the kitchen then goes to bed we started this when they were young as just stayed in the routine

uhOhOP · 29/01/2024 22:57

Neverpostagain · 29/01/2024 22:05

Madness. Tell him to be in his room and quiet by whatever time suits you. Don't monitor what he does in there and don't put a lock on his phone. He's practically an adult! I have no idea why he is accepting this sort of nonsense from you. Probably because he is a GOOD KID. Back off.

15 years old is "practically an adult"? Really?

ObliviousCoalmine · 29/01/2024 22:57

CandyLeBonBon · 29/01/2024 21:54

Take the phone when you go to bed and leave him to it!

Did you read any of the OP at all?

Topseyt123 · 29/01/2024 22:57

Why are you so against having phones in the bedroom?

My kids were all using their phones as their alarm clocks at 15. They self regulated pretty well mostly.

I think 15 is about the age when you have to start stepping back a little.

My rules were that they had to be quiet at night and get up at the right time in the morning. Which they did 99% of the time.

MaloneMeadow · 29/01/2024 23:05

You sound a very overbearing parent OP. Time to put some trust in your DS and let him manage himself. Having a bedtime and taking a phone off a teenager sounds massively OTT. 10/10:30 is very early. If he struggles to get up in the morning and is staying up too late, fine, enforce the rules again but really he needs to learn (through trial and error) how to self regulate. Staying up for your teen is absolutely ridiculous

RedHelenB · 29/01/2024 23:07

At 15 my children decided their own bedtimes. Only rule was they were quiet once I was in bed and they got up for school without me nagging. Worked fine

sumptuous · 29/01/2024 23:08

How far off 16 is he?

Your 930pm bedtime is going to be disrupted the next few years anyway because that is too early for most teenagers. Start getting use to it because teenagers want some control over their lives and not strict bedtimes.

parietal · 29/01/2024 23:10

my 15yr old goes to sleep around 9pm (up at 6:45am for a long school day) but that is her choice.

thechangling · 29/01/2024 23:11

He's old enough to manage his own bedtime. He needs to take responsibility for it. 9.30am does seem early and you're probably humiliating him in front of his friends by telling him to go to bed that early, Nit great for a teen

sunshineandshowers40 · 29/01/2024 23:16

I feel your pain. Since my 14 year old started Y10 he hasn't really had a bedtime. He is usually asleep by 11pm but it's sometimes later. Up at 7:30am with no issues except on a Friday.