15 year old bedtime

[Felic23]

I'm so tired! I've just increased my Son's bedtime from 9.30pm to 10pm on school nights..All his friends are in a habit of having a group call at this time and my Son was according to him only one who had to get off call to go to bed.

Even with this later bedtime I can hear he is still having to leave the call whilst they continue till I don't know what time. He is arguing the point that he gets up for school every day so hassle, is on time and doing well in school. So wants to extend again to 10.30pm to join in call longer.

The problem is 1. I don't think he will be getting enough sleep 2. I used to go to bed at 9.30pm. Now I'm staying awake in order to take phone off him at 10pm and say goodnight
I'm exhausted, what do other parents do when they want to go to sleep before teen on school nights?

My 15 yr old has no set bedtime and his phone in his room overnight. He’s learning to self-regulate and is usually lights out and asleep by 10.00 - 10.30 most school nights. He’s up at 6 am. If he’s tired he has an early night and he sleeps late at the weekend.

My 15 DD is completely addicted with her phone. If I left it with her she'd be on all night (as she has done on the few times I've tried it). Annoying at weekends but too much during the week. So I have to take it off her. She goes to bed at 10pm on weekdays and I let her have her laptop on to watch a show as she likes to fall asleep to it.
Then if she's asleep by the time I go to bed I sneak the phone back in with her alarm set. Not the greatest idea and I'd be better off having an alarm clock for her.

DD has always left her phone downstairs before going to bed. She has an Alexa that she listens to when she goes to bed and uses as an alarm clock.

She goes up around 9.30ish but takes ages to get ready for bed and is usually still awake when up go up at 11. She's often reading but doesn't have a tv or screen in her room.

She always gets up in time for school (7.15) but loves to lie in until 11am at weekend if there's nothing else happening.

My teenagers have always been in charge of when they go to bed and I've never had any issues. My 14 year old is the only one who goes to early, but she likes getting up stupidly early to watch something before the rest of the house wakes. I do have a time limits as to when they have to come of devices and phone calls for during school nights which is slightly later on the weekend but that's all and they are welcome to do what they want in their rooms after as long as it doesn't wake the house or disrupt school.
My 10 year old and 2 year old obviously have a set bed time.

my 9 year old goes to sleep around 9/9.30!
DSD2 just turned 16, she usually goes to bed around 10.30/11 and is up around 6.30.

OP I'm with you on the 9pm bedtime. I love my bed and am always first upstairs. But I'm also the only one up at 6am. My DS11 is in bed 9:30 but my DD15 has no bedtime, though I remind her regularly how sleep is as important as the food we eat.

You should figure out screen time controls, it's your simplest solution going forward. On an iPhone it's called "screen time" and is available under settings, there is something similar for other sorts of smart phones.

My DD15 has downtime at 11 pm on weekdays and midnight on weekends - meaning, only applications I allow are available thereafter (no social media, in our case). It turns back on at 6 am, her phone alarm goes off at 6:30. I don't care if she reads after 11pm, as long as she's not on her devices, and it has worked well - she gets up for school without an issue.

10 is still very early. I think you can mandate sound levels, but can't order a 15 year old to be asleep at that time. I agree with PPs, it's surprising he's been complying with this thus far.

From being teenagers mine were both asked to be in their rooms for 9.30pm but they could choose their own bedtime on the condition that they got up the next morning for school with no hassles and no moans. Our internet was switched off at midnight.

worked well for us.

I think at 15 you don’t need a bedtime, within a years time he can;

• You can work full time if you have left school, have a National Insurance number and the job has accredited training.
• You can give consent and have sex.
• You can be prosecuted for having sex with someone who is under 16.
• You can apply for your own passport with a parent’s consent.
• You can change your name.
• You can be prosecuted for neglecting a child in your care.

Yet you want him to have a bedtime still? I think unless he’s got serious routine issues I would be dropping that, especially if he’s a good kid.

I would just go to bed and leave him to it. If he starts going to bed late and not getting up in the morning you could point out that he needs more sleep. But he should be learning to self regulate at that age.

I'd leave him to it. He'll soon learn his lesson if he stays up too late and is tired. I remember at that age watching the 11 o'clock show each night before going to sleep. Teenagers seem to be naturally nocturnal for a while. 🤣 x

He’s 15 not 5!! Let him go to bed when he feels like it and stop being so controlling with his phone, I have a 15 year old and probably 6 nights out of 7 I’m in bed before him and he has his phone in his room for his alarm. If he wants to sit up all night then he’s welcome to but he’ll feel like shit the next day so that will be his punishment, most of the time he’s asleep by 10:30pm ish because he’s tired from school. Let him grow up and learn what works for him.

There was no way I was going to bed at 9.30/10 when I was 15! He’ll be at uni staying out til 4am in a few years 😂

think it’s time to drop the set bedtime!

You need to let him decide his own bedtime he's old enough now.
As long as he's not disturbing others.. His fault if he's tired in the morning.
I think I used to go to bed around 11 at that age!

I leave my 15 year old to decide her own bedtime, most night I am probably asleep before her but she always gets up for school no problems so don’t feel the need to put any restrictions in place.

My ds15 goes to bed between 9.30 and 10pm latest on a school night. Devices turn off at 9.30pm. Like you, in an ideal world I'd go to bed at 9.30! I do think we're in the minority though op.. my ds friends seem to be up far later than him.

Yeah he's 15 not 5.

My nearly 15 year old stays up till at least 10.30-11pm most nights and later on weekends.

In the week I will give a 'come on now, its getting late' about 10.30 but then weekends are left for them but I always say nothing stupid like 1am.

You really need to let him do his own thing. As long as he's quiet and not staying up all night and he still gets up on a morning I think he seems trustworthy.

My daughter is 15, I leave her to it. She gets up for school no problem, does her homework and is a brilliant young lady, I am more than happy to let her manage her own phone usage and sleep patterns. Most nights she is on group chat until around 11pm, sometimes a bit later, but if she is knackered then she turns her phone off and has an early night.

My kids are still young so no experience with teens but this is seems a bit excessive to me. When I was that age I didn’t have a set bedtime or have my phone taken off me but I sorted myself out. If I was tired the next day, it was my own fault. I did very well in school so didn’t affect anything.
He sounds likes a sensible kid so why not just trust him to come off and go to bed when he’s ready and you get to to to bed whenever you like. If it does affect his morning get up or school work, then try the 10.30pm bed.

My DS16 has never had a bed time and has managed his time pretty well throughout. He's always been a night owl and often the last to bed, but recently he's been first into bed as he must feel he needs a bit more sleep. It's good for kids to work out what they need.

He's 15, leave him to it and tell him if he struggles to get up in the mornings restrictions will come back. Obviously tell him he still needs to be off his phone and sleep by a reasonable time. No need for you to stay up to take his phone away at that age. He's going to get made fun of by his mates having to go at 9.30pm, which could have worse consequences in the long run than a slightly later bed time. My son is 13 and rarely goes to sleep before 10.30pm, he's fine getting up at 7am.

I’m shocked by a lot of these posts, I don’t have teenagers yet. Mine are 6, 4 and 2. But no bedtime expectation at all at 15? + leaving them on their phones all night is a recipe for disaster isn’t it? Arguments etc…?

I’m not sure why some people are saying that nine hours sleep is too much. That’s how long I sleep if I don’t have an alarm and I’m 51. I think that as a society we have got used to not having enough sleep.

Also, he’s not just going to finish the call and go to sleep because it isn’t a very relaxing activity. Youngest DS is at uni and still goes to bed at 10pm and wakes up at around 7.30am during the holidays.

Put a time restriction on his phone if you don’t trust him to come off at said time. I tell my teenagers they have to come off their phones at 10pm. Voice calls around 8/8.30pm.
I go to bed around 8.30/9pm.

Iphone or android?

But I´m not sure that´s the solution here, btw.

Do you actually sleep from 9 to 6? That is a bit longer than average. but as long as you´re healthy and happy that wouldn´t worry me. Not everyone needs the same amount of sleep.