15 year old bedtime

[Felic23]

I'm so tired! I've just increased my Son's bedtime from 9.30pm to 10pm on school nights..All his friends are in a habit of having a group call at this time and my Son was according to him only one who had to get off call to go to bed.

Even with this later bedtime I can hear he is still having to leave the call whilst they continue till I don't know what time. He is arguing the point that he gets up for school every day so hassle, is on time and doing well in school. So wants to extend again to 10.30pm to join in call longer.

The problem is 1. I don't think he will be getting enough sleep 2. I used to go to bed at 9.30pm. Now I'm staying awake in order to take phone off him at 10pm and say goodnight
I'm exhausted, what do other parents do when they want to go to sleep before teen on school nights?

You’re not 15 though. Sleep requirements change from person to person and as we age. At 9pm DD and her friends would’ve been just coming home from sports training or finishing homework, if she’d have went to bed at that time she never would have got anything done

Go to screen time, choose his name and restrict however you deem appropriate. There’s a „downtime feature“ IIRC

if you don’t have him under family sharing (or whatever that‘s called) you’d need his phone, go to screen time and lock it with a code (he obviously can’t know the code).

but I‘m not sure if that’s particularly appropriate tbh. He‘s 15 and encouraging independence and responsibility might be better…

My dd would have been absolutely exhausted. She's 13 now and in bed at 9... asleep at 9.30.

Same. My daughter is 12 but is in bed by 9 and asleep a few mins later. She is horrible the next day if she has had a late night. She wouldn’t cope at all.

I have an almost 15 year old. I used to take her phone out of her room at bedtime but then I decided if she could show me I could trust her to put the phone down at bedtime then she could do that and put herself to bed. This works for us cos I also like you op like an early night.
Could you tell your son bedtime is at 10:30 and he is to put his phone on the kitchen side before he goes bed if you don’t want him to have it in his room all night? That way you’re not waiting up for him. As long as he’s still on time for school, doing well and phones there when you wake up you can trust him if he keeps the phone all night and is getting up late for school due to late nights then reassess the situation

@MaloneMeadow sorry I forgot to quote the message I was replying to! It was for the op who was defending going to bed at 9pm, totally agree a 15 year old should be free to choose (mine does)!

DS 15 does homework etc after school, football training etc then is allowed on PlayStation/Phone.
His bed time is set by him but I have a rule to be off everything by 10.45pm ish week nights.
He gets up 7.15am so has a good 8 hours sleep. Doesn't complain getting up.
Phone stays in his room.
I tend to be asleep by 10pm week nights so trust him to do as he's told

And you what? The fact it’s working fir your 11yo doesn’t mean it’s suitable fir everyone.

If this teen is currently going to bed at 10.00pm and still wakes up at 7.00am, doesn’t have any issue falling asleep etc..
That means he NEEDS those hours if sleep.

@Felic23 two young adults at Uni here.
They were both in bed by 10.00pm until they left for Uni. Now that they are at Uni, they go to bed later BUT also get up later!!
If your ds needs those hours of sleep, he does. Don’t let anyone convince you it’s somehow ‘wrong’ to sleep that much or to go bed ‘early’.

I have a 15 year old who happily goes to bed at 9 on school nights because he hates being tired and can't cope getting up at 6.45 if he goes to bed any later. I know some kids need less sleep but for those who need more we have to help them get it at the evening end when they don't have a choice about when they get up in the morning.

I’ve got one who needs loads of sleep and one who doesn’t. The 14 year old summer born can’t cope without sleep. They are also autistic. Mainstream no learning disability. They aren’t on group calls - their choice and they delete any requests.They have just starting group chats. They have to have phone downstairs to charge at 9pm. They have a tv and Alexa and iPad in bedroom though. Ideally 9pm is lights off. Sometimes they’re asleep by 9:30 and sometimes they’re still awake when I go up at 11. But what I do know is the later they stay up the harder they find getting up. To the point where they are still asleep when sibling leaves the house some days. They have nearly finish from school one day in the week -2:20 and I often find them flat out asleep when I get in from work. That’s one of the nights they can’t get to sleep. So there’s a bit of a vicious cycle. Weekends I tend to make 10pm the phones downstairs time. I’m not massively strict at physically taking the phones. I generally go up to bed and grab them where they’ve left them - usually on the end of their beds. Sometimes I’ll pop up to the bathroom before bed and find the 14 year old still on their phone so sometimes I’ll have to take it. One night I went up late and they were still scrolling at midnight. So they can’t self regulate and being autistic this is harder. On weekends they stay up as late as they want but I still do left phones when I go to bed. They tend to need waking up at 10am on Sundays as they’re so tired. But this knocks onto Sunday night. Saturday they have activities but later than school.

On the other hand I’ve an 11 year old who hardly needs any sleep but who is a really early riser and who will fall asleep on their device between 9-10 if I don’t go and take it. Or they’ve popped it on their bedside table and gone to sleep by choice earlier. We’ve been out on an evening and they can often fall asleep if we are out late at an event such as the theatre. This child is the one who loves a group call and is often already on a call when I get up on a non work morning as they set their alarm and get up and call friends. They know when cut off is though and just say to their friends that they have to go.

With both kids I notice their phone pings all night on charge whilst I watching tv. So I know they have friends who stay up much later. But we all parent now we best see fit the needs of our children. Both mine have the same bedtime as the youngest can cope later but the oldest can’t

I might reassess this when the oldest turns 15. They already go activities that occasionally see them go to bed much later than their regular bedtime and they really struggle. Over school holidays I do give free rein but I end up with one who stays I late and lies in late but generally needs a good 9-10 hours sleep. I also have one who ends up going to bed later than they normally do but crashes by 10 and is up again by 6:30.

Oh and it’s not guaranteed that they’ll go off to uni at 18. Mine wants to but wants to stay at home - autistic one - but could change their mind. Youngest is also planning their holiday to Tenerife when they turn 18 - they’re the youngest of friend group and plan to go after their birthday. It could all change in 7 years!!

I don't think my kids had a 'bedtime' from the age of 13/14 - at some point you have to start giving them some independence and self regulation. They would usually go up around 10/10.30 and as long as their school work was going ok and they were getting up and going to school with no problems, I was fine with it. Maybe you need to start giving your son a bit more independence? He sounds like a good kid ☺️

At 15 I was left to go to bed on my own and never had my phone taken off me. I got up for school on time etc. I’d probably allow your son a bit more independence.

DS is nearly 15. Bedtime (lights out, phone taken away) is 10.15 in the week, about 11.30 at weekends.
Teens generally can’t be trusted not to gaze at their phones till the early hours if left unattended.
I think it’s poor parenting not to enforce bed times up to GCSE. No wonder kids are falling asleep in lessons and not able to focus.
I’ll be slated for this of course.
Oh and I did the same for my now 18 year old, who is perfectly able to self regulate and be independent at university, despite my rules in his younger years.

This is making me quite angry. Your son, by your own admission, is a GOOD KID. He is getting his homework done, isn't getting in trouble and is generally responsible and polite (unlike some of the tearaway teens we read about on here). And you are controlling him as though he were some dropout waster. Back the hell off, let him control his own time. He is 15, not 5.

Do you think you might be a bit over invested in a stranger's life if her parenting decisions are making you angry?

Perhaps the op and her parenting are part of her reason her son is well behaved.

I don't think this is outrageous. My ds is 15 and we expect him in bed at 10pm on a school night. A huge factor in this is the fact that he is only a few months away from taking his GCSEs. Staying up as long as he wants, being exhausted and no screen time limits are really a bad idea. 15 year olds often don't make the best decisions. Once his exams are done, we are planning on relaxing these rules.

DS (16) has to be off all screens at 10:30 on a school night. Phone charged in a different room. No real bedtime at weekends.

There’s a world of difference between dragging yourself through the day on 5-6 hours sleep and feeling refreshed on 7-8 hours. There are plenty of knackered teenagers in schools and self-regulating on phones is hard, for all of us!

This. Sleep is so important.
There are so many more hours in the day. Talking to friends becomes habitual and having your parent require you to stop is useful. Ten o'clock is late. I would stick to that.
Nine thirty seemed late enough for a teen who is still growing in body and brain and needs sleep.

It’s just a bit of a shame that since the ds has been going to bed later, at 10.00pm, he has been late fir school, which never happened before…

Yes he is 15yo. That is a teenager whose role is to push against rules whilst the role if his mum is to STILL teach him what’s good or not fir him.
You don’t stop parenting because they are 15yo.

Those of you who have the 930 bedtimes are your teens involved in sports, gym etc? Mine is in the gym a few nights till 8/9 attending classes, we all swim one night and back 9 ish might go for a game of pool or bowling on Thursday with friends or family etc again home 9 or 10.

It must be hectic fitting everything in.

Yep my two teens have always done sports related activities. But they’ve always been back at home for 6.00pm and the rest happens at the weekend (and then yes it’s more or less all weekend, every weekend).

They would have had a game of pool or bowling during a week night.
And tbh nor would I have done that myself either.

Yes my ds does sports...is home by 8/8.30...and I give him dinner beforehand.

My 16 year old goes to bed at 11pm, he’s up at 7am. I go to bed very early so it’s based on trust. He’s been warned if I catch him up after his bedtime then there will be severe consequences. So far he’s never broken my trust.

i assume the technology must exist to block WiFi / phones at a set time.

Wow you do need a lot of sleep....might be worth looking at your iron and vitamin levels....
I'd put a phone lock on if you can't trust him but say as soon as he's no longer getting up on time or showing signs of struggle, your knocking it on the head.

As an aside you will ruin your child's life continually at this age with the everyone else being thrown at you ......ruin away my son and I laugh about it now he's older.