Would you leave a 13 year old at home overnight?

[Moomin999]

Debated posting this on AIBU as that is what I want to know.
My son has recently turned 13. He has fallen out with his best pal whose house he would stay at every weekend, Friday or Saturday night and we would occasionally have him here to stay to.
I’ve been in a relationship for 18 months and I would stay over at his and we’d go out for a date/some food when my son was on a sleepover.
My son currently doesn’t go to school (an entirely different issue and one I am trying to resolve/come up with alternative solutions!) so he is now at home 24/7. He doesn’t see his dad and we have no other immediate family.
I leave him at home for 2 days a week while I go to work and can, luckily, work from home the rest of the week.
Would I be unreasonable and an awful mother to leave him at home on a Friday or Saturday night? Overnight?
Am genuinely curious if anyone else has left early teens alone overnight?

To be fair, it is a worrying sort of question to be asking @falalalalalalalallama.

This is a public site providing the ability to share opinions and judge.. op knew this before posting. All we have to go on is assumptions as we genuinely don't know.. we don't even know if the post is authentic. My assumptions are based on what the op has posted themselves.

Op has set the tone, and made themselves out to be a neglectful, perhaps non chalant parent.

The op has essentially made a post asking if it's okay to leave her struggling in life and depressed 13 year old son overnight on weekends because they can't rely on the friend's family anymore..and that time is usually spent with the boyfriend...the son hasn't attended school in a year...somewhere during that time period, and in the mist of this or a little before op decides to get a boyfriend..

Op leaves her son in the house alone while they go in for work, and there is probably little interaction while op is working at home 2 days a week.

There is probably little interaction and activities done together.
There is perhaps little done or has been little accomplished in terms of a solution for the son.

The son doesn't even know how to fix things within himself..or what to do with himself..he seems to cope with life by playing video games, and sleeping.

There is no schedule, no routine, no activities, no online schooling, no boarding school, no mentions of getting him therapy, no outdoor activities, no or very little socialization

Op seems focused more on the boyfriend and trying to save that relationship, than the son. Even suggesting to start asking the boyfriend over in their home while the son is there...there are suggestions about op making further adjustments to accommodate her boyfriend, and to further distant the son( going out in evenings staying out untill almost the next day (11pm), forcing a struggling child to accept and be around a stranger (bringing the boyfriend around the son more), etc...

The op entire post should be completely different and geared towards asking about advice on helping the son.

The entire relationship needs to go and the son should be the primary focus.

Yes, neglectful parents should be called out and feel ashamed of themselves...if op can't (doesn't know how, won't, has given up on) provide the proper care for the son, perhaps the solution is to seek residential schooling or placement for him. He needs to know he's worthy, needed, and has enormous potential. .that he's great and loved...he needs help..

His life is being frittered away...

I despair of this site sometimes.

there is probably little interaction while op is working at home 2 days a week.

There is probably little interaction and activities done together.
There is perhaps little done or has been little accomplished in terms of a solution for the son.

The son doesn't even know how to fix things within himself..or what to do with himself..he seems to cope with life by playing video games, and sleeping.

There is no schedule, no routine, no activities, no online schooling, no boarding school, no mentions of getting him therapy, no outdoor activities, no or very little socialization

ALL of this is made up in your head. You have no proof for any of it. You have just decided you know what the OP's life is like based on a few sentences and then judged her accordingly.

See, I don't believe your motive is actually to help the OP, or her DS, because you haven't sought to find out if your assumptions are actually true, or offered any practical suggestions, other than to ship her son off to boarding school, which given the context in which you deliver this particular pearl of wisdom is insulting and undermining. The OP says her DS is loved and supported. We have no reason not to believe that.

If you were actually concerned about the wellbeing of the OP's DS, perhaps you might ask some questions about what's actually going on, and offer sensible suggestions if you have any.

Instead, you've created a stick to beat her with and I don't believe your motivation is to help the DS, I think it's more along the lines of you simply enjoying using that stick.

No it’s a tad young. How far away is your chaps place? Why can’t you just go for drinks then have a bit of intimacy then come home 11/12?
or sneak the chap in when DS is asleep?
it’s workable unless he’s hundreds of miles away.

Nope absolutely not. Son first. Every time.'

Could he be refusing school in order to be closer to you? Sounds like you spend a lot of time with your fella, maybe he feels left out?

Absolute not overnight.

a healthy, well-adjusted 13 year old could handle a few hours on a Friday night. However, if your son can’t make it to school, he probably shouldn’t be left alone in the evening at all. It’s understandable that you have to leave him during the day to go to work.

I wouldn't go getting a 16yr old lad to babysit while you go off for the whole night.

He's only just turned 13 and sounds like he is very sensitive and vulnerable if he's avoiding school.

Interesting the friend provided the sleepover every weekend. Until they fell out.
That was quite a lot of pressure on the friend and your son because you totally relied on that set-up to have your relationship.

No! Poor kid

Me too.

No. He's far too young. Only just turned 13.

13 - before dark - maybe 4 hours; after dark 15 mins tops. Not all day and not long after dark.

No, I wouldn't. I'd go see your boyfriend for a few hours, no worries, but then be home for 8 latest really.

No, it's an age where they can easily start getting into dodgy behaviours to get attention if they think they need it. I speak as one who did this...

Is it so you can see the new bloke? Can he not just come over?

Could you find an overnight sitter to stay? Or could your dp stay at your place?

I agree with pp - no way. Just see your boyfriend for a few hours, or he can come to you, depending on how your DS feels about him.

It sounds like a tough situation for you but your DS is already at home alone a lot. Being left alone overnight at a young age, when he's already struggling, so you can see your boyfriend is not a good message for him.

No.

Ditto.

if he is not at school, and fallen out with his best mate and his mum is even considering this, he is a 13 yo child that needs to be looked after very carefully.

Thinking about it a bit more…you can’t be serious. What exactly are you doing to help your son? You question is disgusting, if it is real.

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