Would you leave a 13 year old at home overnight?

[Moomin999]

Debated posting this on AIBU as that is what I want to know.
My son has recently turned 13. He has fallen out with his best pal whose house he would stay at every weekend, Friday or Saturday night and we would occasionally have him here to stay to.
I’ve been in a relationship for 18 months and I would stay over at his and we’d go out for a date/some food when my son was on a sleepover.
My son currently doesn’t go to school (an entirely different issue and one I am trying to resolve/come up with alternative solutions!) so he is now at home 24/7. He doesn’t see his dad and we have no other immediate family.
I leave him at home for 2 days a week while I go to work and can, luckily, work from home the rest of the week.
Would I be unreasonable and an awful mother to leave him at home on a Friday or Saturday night? Overnight?
Am genuinely curious if anyone else has left early teens alone overnight?

Your DS sounds like he is struggling. Not in school, fallen out with his friend and his dad is not there for him. He sounds vulnerable and you should absolutely not leave him alone even more. What if something happens? If he goes out at night? Finds dodgy stuff online etc? Gets into drugs? Etc etc

I would never leave an early teen overnight and especially not with that profile.
Short local meal out would be another matter.
Not sure why he can’t be at home and your bf stay over? What is the problem there?

Can you not see your boyfriend in the day or evening but just not stay over?

He has got into the habit of staying up late and then waking up late, so it’s normally 11.00pm at the earliest but normally around midnight that he is getting to sleep.

Not a bloody chance I'd leave a 13 year old overnight. DD has just turned 16, and we've only just left her alone overnight. (Probably would have done it a bit earlier if we'd needed to.)

Christ, I can remember the stupid shit I used to get up to as a 13 year old boy, and even when not actively being an eejit, I was still a space cadet.

I was probably quite relaxed as a mum. My kids are now in their 20s and have always been sensible and trustworthy.
No, I would absolutely NOT have done that.

Oh yikes...that is late. My ds is 15 and in bed by 10pm. What's he doing....is he on games console or his phone.

Totally unreasonable. He is not responsible enough to stay overnight alone. That is different to him being at home awake in the daytime doing school work.
Can your partner not come to your house instead?

I wouldn’t, feels too risky and my 13 year old is a big dafty

Thank you all for speaking sense! I obviously won’t be leaving him. Will see if the boyfriend can stay here instead.

No and it sounds like he's having a hard time so leaving him can't be good for that side of things either.

You'll have to make do with an early date and come home, or start having your bf stay at yours.

My son is 13 (almost 14) and no way would I leave him at home alone overnight. He's fine at home during the day when I'm at work, but no way would I leave him overnight.

At 13? No way.

I don't think you should start having the boyfriend stay over either. Your son clearly has some serious issues, so it would be appalling timing to introduce a man to the household.

Sounds like your son’s friend parent (s) were enabling you to have your relationship for so long, surely even if the boys hadn’t fallen out the friend’s family were going to get a bit fed up of having your son round their’s every weekend? Didn’t you see this was a possibility?

How far away does the boyfriend live?
You could meet up, go out for dinner, and be home for 11. That sounds like it could work.
But overnight is not a solution at this point in time.

Edited as I've noticed it's an or not an and between Fri and Sat.

No chance. Mine is nearly 13.

Few hours in the evening, fine home by 11ish but not overnight.
Not sure why I feel that way logically it should be fine. But I don't really trust him to lock the doors etc.

Nope too young

As mentioned by previous poster, don't you think you were abusing the generosity of the friend's family? I can't imagine how imposing it was on them to have an extra child every weekend.

No

I think you have bigger problems than not being able to see your boyfriend.
The fact you are asking this question about leaving a 13 year old shows you are prioritising your new relationship.

Your son has been out of school for a year. He stays up late and gets up late.
What is happening with his education? What are you doing to try and get him back to school? Does he do any schoolwork at home?
Why was he staying somewhere else every weekend?
Does he have any other friends or socialise ?
Do you not worry for his future?
Your son needs help now.

I definitely wouldn't leave him, and I would be working very hard on getting him back into the world before his current social isolation becomes self perpetuating.

I'm sorry I can see how difficult it is for you but no I dont think you can leave him overnight.
Also if being out of school is due to MH then it's an added risk. The chances are he appreciates someone being in the house even if he's seemingly ignoring them.
I know from experience 13 year olds dont cope with an emergency at home- Weve had ( daytime )water leak- and a small fire ( mirror left on windowsill and curtain was smouldering) whilst my teens have been home alone and they were in a flap and it was seriously stressful!
If its a long term serious relationship has he been introduced to your partner? Could you gradually introduce them to each other , spend time together etc so partner could stay at yours for a night or 2 a week?

So basically the friends family were being used as free childcare by you? You were wrong to rely on this as a lasting arrangement. Your bf will have to suck it up. Poor kid needs you and probably having your bf stay over at yours right now isn't a good idea either.

This! FFS OP you are massively neglectful as a parent. Your poor kid.

They weren’t being used as free childcare! It worked both ways. Eg one weekend my son would stay there for a night, the next weekend their son would stay here, then there would be a weekend where neither stayed. It wasn’t like he was at theirs every single weekend all weekend 🤦‍♀️