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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Found condoms in DD room - what to do????

84 replies

Wallingtonhall · 30/09/2023 18:46

DD is 17.5 and we’re having a bit of a tricky time with her. Teen stuff. She’s ok at sixth form and has a cafe job for spends. Generally keeps to curfew but I found evidence of cannabis use a few months ago. We had a huge emotional few days which didn’t end satisfactorily. She is probably still using it and I could only explain the risks. And hope she’s sensible going forward.

I suspect she vapes/smokes too but no point in discussing as she will not engage about her private life as she puts it. At almost 18 there is not much I can do. I can’t ground her. I can’t force her to be open with us.

we have an uneasy truce at the moment. I don’t know any of her friends as her sixth form is in the next town.She says she doesn’t have a BF. Anyway was putting some clean clothes in her room today, moved her tote bag and 2 (unused) condoms fell out.

I am half wondering if she picked them up at college or from a venue(she goes to lots of gigs). In some ways I’m pleased she’s taking precautions (if she actually is having sex) but don’t know if I should say something about the condoms. They weren’t hidden but I know she will accuse me of snooping. And I really can’t face a big row. Which is what will happen.

I did ask her recently if there was a boy in the scene. She said not so no idea.

Do I keep quiet? Sit on the info for a while and have a general convo about contraception? Help!

OP posts:
TwilightSkies · 30/09/2023 18:48

She’s almost 18. What do you want her to do?

AMuser · 30/09/2023 18:50

What?? Are you for real? Far better she has condoms than not. She’s nearly an adult and over the age of consent.

MinnieMouse0 · 30/09/2023 18:50

I think you’re a bit late to have that convo. At almost 18 she’ll know all she needs to know by now. It’s good she’s got the sense to have condoms to hand.

DaisyWaldron · 30/09/2023 18:50

You keep quiet, just as would want your mum/boss/ authority figure to do if they condoms in your bag.

thepresureofausername · 30/09/2023 18:51

Absolutely nothing. Apart from stopping invading her privacy.

MartyFunkhouser · 30/09/2023 18:52

Just be pleased she’s having safe sex and leave her to it.

Original poster
Wallingtonhall · 30/09/2023 18:52

We have had the conversation about sex years ago. And yes she will know it all. I suppose I thought I should talk about being safe, if she needs to go pill maybe. Don’t know! New territory for me!

OP posts:
Hellocatshome · 30/09/2023 18:52

You dont do anything. She is over the age of consent. If anything you have a little smile to yourself and think yourself lucky she is sensible enough to have some available to her.

2chocolateoranges · 30/09/2023 18:53

Why would you say anything , she’s over 16 and being careful!

Russooooo · 30/09/2023 18:53

MartyFunkhouser · 30/09/2023 18:52

Just be pleased she’s having safe sex and leave her to it.

This.

wheretoyougonow · 30/09/2023 18:53

Thinking about your child being sexually active is always difficult . She is over 16 and nearly an adult. You say nothing but take it as a silent win that you've raised her to be confident and sensible with regards to protection/birth control.

Original poster
Wallingtonhall · 30/09/2023 18:54

I didn’t invade her privacy. I took a pile of clean clothes into her Roman for her to put away. I moved a bag off her bed. That’s hardly routing through her stuff. I am very careful not to do anything like that.

OP posts:
Malificent1 · 30/09/2023 18:54

Leave her alone. She’s clearly already practicing safe sex.

And if she’s capable of going to work then she’s more than capable of making her own GP appointment to get the pill/any other contraception she might like to try.

Incidentally she’s probably also more than capable of doing and putting away her own laundry…

Original poster
Wallingtonhall · 30/09/2023 18:55

For her to put way. No Romans!

OP posts:
Dessertinthedesert · 30/09/2023 18:55

17.5 a bit late to be starting to have a conversation about safe sex.

Rosiem2808 · 30/09/2023 18:57

As a mum I would say hats off to your daughter for being responsible ! Stop pretending she is still a little girl who needs policing. She won't thank you for mentioning anything and will automatically assume rightly or wrongly that you are snooping OP. Don't embarrass her !

gamerchick · 30/09/2023 18:57

She's nearly 18. That ship has sailed. She is capable of sorting her own contraception out without you being in the background.

you do nothing, keep out of her room if you can't help yourself.

BoohooWoohoo · 30/09/2023 18:58

My son is the same age and I'd be delighted that he had some condoms and I am crossing my fingers that he will use them.
I might drop into convo places to get free contraception but not mention it directly.

FuckoffeeBeforeCoffee · 30/09/2023 18:58

If she was underage, I could understand this but she's nearly an adult. What exactly is the problem with her having condoms?

septemberoctobernovember · 30/09/2023 18:58

I have a DD the same age. You’re far too controlling and I can see why your relationship is rocky.

there’s nothing you have mentioned which is remotely concerning or out of the ordinary for someone her age. The cannabis isn’t great, my DD has done it a couple of times and told me and I expressed how I wasn’t happy and why and the risks but I certainly didn’t get into an argument about it. If it were regular and affecting her then yes I would but as an occasional thing. I leave her to it

same as vaping and smoking. Stupid but they’re nearly 18, totally age appropriate as if having safe sex

having a strict curfew is also controlling. I say to her, I’d like you back by about say, 1230 and if it’s around that time, say within about 40 mins I don’t get stressed

I thought you were going to say she’s 15, you need to chill out a bit if she’s nearly 18

user1846385927482658 · 30/09/2023 18:59

Based on the context provided, you say nothing unless you want to damage your relationship further.

LikeRobbieSays · 30/09/2023 18:59

She's nearly 18, not 13! Leave her to it. Having sex, smoking vapes and cannabis is something majority of teenagers will do much as we don't like it!

Mojodojocasahaus · 30/09/2023 18:59

I thought you were going to say she was 12 op!

Leave it alone. Be pleased she’s taking precautions.

DaisyWaldron · 30/09/2023 19:00

I think if she has her own personal Roman, it's probably a good thing that she has condoms 😀

randomrandom · 30/09/2023 19:02

You thank your lucky stars she is being sensible and then you mind your own business - she is nearly an adult and over the age of consent