Dd 14, refusing to take lunch to school

[LadyGaGasPokerFace]

I’m having an issue with dd who’s 14 next week (Year 9) and she’s refusing to make and take lunch with her to school. She usually makes her lunch the night before, but has refused to make it and now even if I make it, she won’t go in the fridge to retrieve it to take in. I messaged her tutor who suggested she could take her lunch to the tutor’s office, but this lasted two days and we’re back to square one.
So, she will come home and trough through the pantry and dinner is snaffled up. She will eat breakfast too before we leave, but this is at 7.45am and then she gets in at 4.30pm, which to me is long time without food.

Any ideas? I’m erring on the side of not making a big fuss, but it’s really making me worry 😬 it’s think she can’t concentrate much with an empty belly, but Tutor mentioned that dd wants to just get on with her school work at lunchtime.

My DS 14 also doesn’t take in lunch. He started not taking it in in year 9 but I’m not at all concerned. He eats a bowl of cereal before he goes to school and takes an apple and a pepperoni stick in for break/lunch. He sometimes gets something from the snack shack but not often. He gets home at 3.30, has his lunch I’ve made him at about 4 and his dinner with the family at 6pm. He says there’s nowhere to sit and he just stands and chats with his friends. He said he doesn’t get hungry. As long as it’s not affecting his concentration at school I’m okay with it. It did seem a bit weird at first. He’s a healthy weight and super fit so no concerns there.

What about soup, she can drink it, whilst doing her work, but has got some food in her.

Does the school not do lunch? Give her some dinner money and lock the pantry door so she cannot snack when she comes home. But bear in mind that she may be having a body issue and you need to do something about that - talk to her about why she does not want to take (or eat) lunch. She may not tell you directly but there will be a reason which needs investigating, and that will come out in how she discusses the matter.

Many children feel uncomfortable eating in front of others. I know the transition between juniors and senior school is a big one and many vulnerabilities can surface. Does she have a social anxiety around dinner times and eating in front of others? I know quite a lot of children with eating anxiety which won’t eat at school then go and binge eat at home where they feel safe. I work in a school and we have so many pupils eating in classrooms on their own or with a couple of close friends at dinner time because the dining hall can be so intimidating.