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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

Teenager wants to go abroad with friends for an overnight

86 replies

Animallover2325 · 09/07/2023 16:22

Would you allow your 17 year old to travel with two friends (one older) to Europe for a day/overnight? I don’t feel I should but want to hear others thoughts

OP posts:

SE13Mummy · 09/07/2023 19:04

I'd encourage him to go but would want him to have told his friends he's never flown before so they are aware. DC1 went abroad with a friend for a week at 17. Aged 18, they've just left for five days in France with a friend and will be meeting others there.

It may be that going for a night with friends is exactly the motivation he needs to try flying whereas going on a family holiday for which there may be alternatives if he doesn't want to push himself, isn't so motivating.

My youngest DC is 13 and recently learned a favourite shop was going to close. Although I've encouraged them for ages to catch the train alone, until the news of the shop closing, DC had refused. Upon hearing the news, they decided they would have to go up after school one day so planned the journey from school by train, tube and foot. Happily, all went well and DC was very nonchalant about the whole thing. When I asked why it had been OK to catch the train alone this time, the reply was, "I really wanted to this time so just did it. All the other times there wasn't a good reason...". My DC wasn't at all motivated by my 'broadening your horizons' suggestions but given the right situation, was able to rise to the challenge.

SaveMeFromForearms · 09/07/2023 20:07

ShinyAppleDreamingOfTheSea · 09/07/2023 18:39

@SaveMeFromForearms I guess I would be concerned he may be leaving himself open to ridicule? Not saying that he shouldn't go - just that it's something to bear in mind - and would concern me very much if it was my DS . (Which it wouldn't be as he sees flying as getting a bus).

I imagine he'll tough it out in front of his mates.

Growlybear83 · 09/07/2023 20:37

Why not? I went camping to Spain by coach with my boyfriend when I was 16. I was absolutely fine and nothing terrible happened apart from having torrential rain for almost the entire time 😆😆

WarriorWalrus · 10/07/2023 11:34

My DD is 17 (18 start of august) and left last week to go interrailing with her friends, they are all 18, but she has finished her a-levels, starting uni in sept and needs to spread her wings. She is having a great time. I know it's hard but you have to let them grow up, DD is away for 6 weeks so I definitely wouldn't say no to one night, but DD has been going down to London for concerts with friends basically all year so maybe I'm more relaxed.

EggInANest · 10/07/2023 11:49

Teenagers have a chance to re-invent themselves with friends as they mature.

He has been afraid of flying within the family. That has been respected, accommodated, and he has subliminally labelled himself as ‘afraid to fly’.

With friends he doesn’t have this track record. He has the opportunity to think about it in a different context, free of the role he had given himself before.

This happens to all sorts of people over all sorts of issues, and is the reason we mustn’t let our lives shrink into small arenas of friendships and experiences.

My teen was always terrified of dogs. From early childhood. Teen love interest who is a dog walker? “Awww, can we get a dog? “ (A: not in your Nelly!).

Support your boy to spread his wings and fly!

W0tnow · 10/07/2023 15:47

Yes. My daughter just returned home from such a trip. The only thing I banged on like a broken record about was her passport/phone/ debit card. Ie. keep them close and don’t lose them!

CurlewKate · 10/07/2023 15:50

Yes of course. Unless you have reason to believe they are going to Amsterdam for the brothels or something...

CurlewKate · 10/07/2023 15:53

I reckon my son and his friends would have been more patient, kind and supportive if one of their number was scared of flying than I would have been. Kids generally look out for each other.

MadamWhiteleigh · 10/07/2023 15:59

God, the mollycoddling.

He’s scared of flying but now has the motivation to try it? Brilliant, go for it.

He wants to go abroad next with his friends when he’s 18? One night away now is an excellent trial run.

There is absolutely no reason not to let him and if you don’t, then you ARE allowing your anxiety to stop him doing things.

HonoriaLucastaDelagardie · 10/07/2023 16:06

Have his friends flown / been through airports before?

So what if they haven't? They are all presumably capable of reading signs/screens, listening to announcements and asking for help if needed.

rookiemere · 10/07/2023 16:32

My view on most things my 17 year old proposes is that if he is capable of organising and paying for it himself, then he should be able to do it.

In your case I'd say that it is up to him but ask him about the flying aspect and if he feels comfortable doing it. A short trip is in some ways the best option as if anything goes wrong- which it's highly unlikely to - he won't be away for long.

Has he got a valid passport?

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