Teenager wants to go abroad with friends for an overnight

[Animallover2325]

Would you allow your 17 year old to travel with two friends (one older) to Europe for a day/overnight? I don’t feel I should but want to hear others thoughts

What happens if he gets on the flight out but is too scared to come back!

Unlikely as he doesn’t have a flying phobia, but if this did happen he could get back by train from anywhere in Europe that is close enough to go for one night,

I know what you're saying and tbh if this was my DS I'd probably tell him to go for it, while fully expecting him to back out at the last minute. And if he didn't? Well great, hopefully he'd no longer be afraid of flying! But it depends a bit on whether the DS or the OP would be expected to pay for this little experiment and whether, if its the OP, she can afford it.

Yes. My DD went to Spain for a few days with a friend last year when she was still 16 (almost 17). They stayed with her friend’s family once there but travelled independently. She is 17 now and we would let her go over there with a friend for a short trip, provided we knew where they were staying before they left and had checked things out a little.

Yes, definately let him go. If he was afraid to fly with you but is willing to do it with friends that's a great sign. It will be a boost to his confidence too.

It also depends a bit on when he was last too afraid to fly. Was it last summer, or was it three years ago?

I’m not really sure how you could stop him.

I’d insist on travel insurance but other than that there’s not much you can do if he wants to go.

Honestly OP, if he is saying he would like to go with friends I think you would be best encouraging and supporting him rather than arguing about his former fear.

Friends are great to navigate new experiences with. Peer influence at its best.

Please stop reminding him if his fear. And don’t over-reassure him either. Treat it as something normal that he is doing. Because it is!

Of course at 17

When I was 17 I traveled round Italy by bus with my friends for 3 weeks.

DS17 is currently half way through a 3 week holiday across Europe. Did I encourage him to go? Yes I did. Am I sleeping much? No I'm not

I can see where you’re coming from.

I’d probably have a good chat to him about his fear of flying and why he thinks this trip will be different, and providing his mates are sensible let him go on the proviso that if it goes tits up it’s his call, particularly from a financial pov.

This is one of those threads where several responses are amazing me .

I understand that there are several posters in their response who haven't seen the OP's HUGE drip feed about her son having previously refused to fly for family holidays - but those that have seen the update - if you actually have a 17 year old DC - would you not be just a bit concerned as to the impact on your son and his friendships if he were to bottle it at the last minute, have a meltdown on the plane etc? As I said above - yes this could be absolutely brilliant for him - I get the bravado in front of friends, but it could still go hugely wrong and it's unbelievably naive not to accept this is a possibility.

If he was generally sensible and streetwise and independent and was going with generally sensible and streetwise and independent friends then yeah.

otherwise no.

Absolutely.

I can't imagine telling a 17 year old they could or could not do something like that. You can only advise, surely? My eldest could manage to travel alone at 16 and was a better navigator than me!

So what if he bottles it at the last minute? He can come home.

So what if he freaks on the flight? He'll deal with it and then the flight will be over, and he'll have done his first flight.

But OP, it IS your nervousness wanting to hold him back. I do understand that you feel less able to dash over in an emergency but he has sensible friends with him. Europe has police, doctors, embassies, the internet. He will have insurance…. And presumably if needed your husband could go?

However, Europe is teeming with our dopey, inexperienced, excitable teens with very few disasters.

Have his friends flown / been through airports before?

Yes, I would "allow" this.

@Moveoverdarlin

children are allowed to travel.

@Animallover2325

why only 1 night? That sounds a bit odd. But yes, last year 16.5yo went with her friend to France for 4 days (her friend spends summers there so knows it well) they had a blast & turned up at the airport alive.

I was glad when they were back, but at some stage you have to let them go & live a little! Trust that you've done what you need to to keep them as safe as possible (and try not to think about what you were up to at their age!!)

I am alarmed for the lack of trust adults have in young people. What specifically about the trip is this young person not capable of?

@cheezncrackers

If he's old enough to do what he wants to do, he's old enough to decide he wants to do it!

@SaveMeFromForearms I guess I would be concerned he may be leaving himself open to ridicule? Not saying that he shouldn't go - just that it's something to bear in mind - and would concern me very much if it was my DS . (Which it wouldn't be as he sees flying as getting a bus).

I’d let him. He’s almost 18. Going abroad with his mates might help him get over his fear of flying too. I hated flying, would turn down family holidays because of it until DH (then boyfriend) booked us a holiday abroad and I didn’t want to embarrass myself by panicking so had to grin and bear it. I completely got over my fear and it opened up loads of doors for me.

Definitely but the daughter at 18 spent a year in Africa, and currently at 22 silo back packing in the far east before spending a year in Malaysia at uni.

My son at just 16 flew to Prague with mates last year and yesterday (will be 17 next week) he flew solo to Mexico where he will taking part in a marine conservation programme for 2 weeks.
He is a bit clueless sometimes but managed it all perfectly fine. It's good for him.