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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Do you remember when you were first dumped or when your teen was?

34 replies

Paternosta · 21/04/2023 19:19

17 year old DS is heartbroken. He's alternating between moping in bed and singing miserable songs with his ukulele. His girlfriend of 3 years wants 'a break' and we all know that just means the end. He was sobbing yesterday when he told me. It was all I could do to keep it together myself.
He doesn't want to tell anyone else yet, just his dad - not even his younger sister.
Anyone else been through this with their teen? Or remember it happening to you? What did you do to help them or to get over your first love?

OP posts:
Original poster
Paternosta · 22/04/2023 12:58

Ilovetea42 · 21/04/2023 21:49

To be honest, I think my first break up was the best lesson I learnt in how to handle myself in situations like that because I also had to see my ex every day. He took it badly and bad mouthed me to everyone who would listen until mutual friends had to have a word with him.

I think this is a good opportunity for your son to learn how to hold his head high, respect her choices and decisions and be civil with her. I'd focus on helping him devise some coping strategies, let him feel his feelings (best way to get over it is to go through it as much as it sucks) and make sure he has some outlets where he can go be with other people where she won't be present if they see each other at school every day. I'd remind him of what isn't acceptable- bullying her or putting her down or bad mouthing her because his hurt right now isn't her problem- she's entitled to break up with him as much as he was entitled to break up with her.

He's really not the type to bad mouth anyone. Never has been. He's a gentle soul and friendly. He isn't at all angry with her, just confused a d upset right now.

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Original poster
Paternosta · 22/04/2023 13:01

way2serious · 21/04/2023 23:00

This was my DS at the end of his first year at uni. He was heartbroken and would just come and lie on my bed and cry. He didn’t eat for nearly a week and I just didn’t know how to make him feel better. He gradually got better but it was horrible seeing him like that.

I was really careful not to moan about his ex or say anything negative about her and just tried to be ‘there’ for him. By the end of the week I managed to get him to arrange to go and visit a friend at uni in Leeds for a few days and that helped.

Hope your DS begins to feel better soon. it is horrible to see them so broken.

Good point about not being negative. She's lovely but I don't like the way she went about this.

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Original poster
Paternosta · 22/04/2023 13:02

Turns out Dd's (15) boyfriend of 2.months dumped her this morning as well. It's catching!
Have to be treats all round I think.

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ExtremelyDetermined · 22/04/2023 13:13

I remember mine, and several subsequent ones (me being dumped and dumper). I made as little of it all as I could to my parents as my mum used to make it all about her. Don't do that. There's some great advice on this thread.

Loraloralaughs · 22/04/2023 16:07

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PussBilledDuckyPlait · 22/04/2023 16:53

Yes, I do. I found out he'd been 'two timing' me and he immediately dumped me. I was pretty upset by the whole thing. Looking back, he was an arrogant tosser, so I dodged a bullet but it took some time to see it like that.

Hope your DS and DD feel better soon, OP.

Original poster
Paternosta · 22/04/2023 17:30

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DS has his first A Level soon too. The rest are next year. He'll bounce back in time!
I think after this experience he'll be more prepared for real life as an adult as well as studying. No dating until after year 13 would be unworkable for us in practice. There would have to be an awful lot of curtailing of independence which isn't our style at all.

OP posts:
Fuerza · 22/04/2023 17:32

@LynetteScavo snap, i had this experience.

@Paternosta it's awful but just allowing him to be down will be one wound fewer

Original poster
Paternosta · 22/04/2023 17:33

My first dumping experience was later on, about 19. It didn't end well at all and I took months to get back on my feet mentally. Let's hope DS is more resilient than his mother!

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