Is this a general thing now?

[RoseMartha]

So not to drip feed some background info.

I am a Christian. My exh and 2 teen dd's are not, exh and youngest dd 14 do believe in God and eldest dd 15 believes when it suits her. They did used to go to church with me when they were younger, but dont now. Because of being a Christian we have always had a no swear or blaspheme rule with me or at home and with close family friends and family, from when they were babies. (The girls know that I understand that they choose to swear with their mates or peer group or at their dad's). They both have asd and mh concerns.

I parent them with NVR techniques. I have consequences in place. However exh does not co parent, more counter parents and very disney dad with them.

But they still constantly swear at me and use emotional abuse tactics and put downs and tell me in aggressive abusive language what a bad parent I am. One of them told me today that all teens treat their parents like this and I am being unreasonable to think they should speak to me with respect. I did point out to them that when I have spoken to my friends who are mixed Christian and non Christian ( in case that is relevant) none of them have this from their teens multiple times a day if at all.

So is this normal from your teens to be spoken to like this?

The NVR support tells me to keep going with it which I am doing, it just feels like it will never end.

No, it really isn’t normal at all.

But they still constantly swear at me and use emotional abuse tactics and put downs and tell me in aggressive abusive language what a bad parent I am. One of them told me today that all teens treat their parents like this and I am being unreasonable to think they should speak to me with respect.

good grief op. Your teens sounds vile and absolutely not do all teens behave like this.

Forget About the Christianity issue

basic civilised nice respectful behaviour

all of which your children are lacking op

It's absolutely not normal.

Not normal at all

Well we are an atheist house and there no way my teens would swear at me! I expect, and mostly get respect, when they get sassy they are corrected and consequences are put in place. To be honest at this point they know the deal and don’t push it too much too often. I know some of their friends are disrespectful and they are shocked when they see that. I’m not their friend (although we mostly get on well) and I’m happy to withdraw lifts, pocket money, ground them or remove tech if they decide to start pushing back at me.

I am not sure why religion plays a part in this

Your teens sound entitled and rude. My teenagers don't speak to me like that

Not normal.

Just for perspective as I went through similar about with my now late 20's son from age 12-22ish.
I was consistent, stable, caring, realistic, but ultimately there for him.
His dad (in same home) was volatile, and kicked him out at 18.
He was very emotionally immature, verbally abusive, emotionally disturbed, self harmed, destructive in the house and to himself and on a self destruct path.
Now (for the last 5 ish years) he is past this. He still tends to personal negative emotions and actions but is respectful and holds down a job.
He spends time with the family and is thoughtful and appreciates us. Shown by caring actions.
We got through it

Ps I have 4 children and this one was the only one who was like that

It's nothing to do with religion it's about respect and your children are lacking it!

Not swearing, but certainly DD treated me like absolute shit when she was 13-15 and Dad was all things perfect and excellent.

I was the most unreasonable, uncool, callous, stingy mother in all of Christendom and the lockdown was just me being a big meanie. Everyone else’s mother was vastly kinder and more generous and let their kids break isolating rules and gave more pocket money etc etc.

Both DS battled with their Dad at a similar age. I was an unholy cowbag to my Mum in my teens and my brother and father nearly came to blows.

So some of your post sounds like they are being horrible but some sounds like the usual same-sex rebellion very common to teens.

Your teens sound like they are over stepping a lot OP.

Your religion doesn't seem relevant here.. and what are NVR techniques?

Faith or lack of is irrelevant. You instil into your children from a very young age what is and isn’t acceptable. What did you do the very first time that they disrespected you? My children have never put me down nor used aggressive language. Whenever my children claimed that everyone was doing something I would tell them I couldn’t care less what others do, that’s up to their parents and I'm only concerned with them.

Teens can be a bit arsey at times. It’s not realistic to expect perfect politeness all the time. But there is a difference between the odd huffing about ‘all my other friends are allowed to’ and ‘you just don’t understaaaand’, to just being awful all the time.

Mine never swore at me, or dissed me. We had a good relationship.

I can remember being quite verbal with my mother many years ago but she had no idea about parenting a teenager (she did improve, I don't want to put her down now, and she was an excellent grandmother). Life with her was dreadful, my main ambition was to get away from her clutches.

However it is good that you have adopted NVR parenting. I had to look that up, never heard of it. I didn't know not using violence against your kids had a label! The days of smacking and worse (spare the rod, spoil the child, etc), are long gone.

Perhaps give your children a bit more leeway and freedom, they are obviously frustrated which is why they lash out. As for your faith (which I share), never push it, it's your belief and not all will be interested. In your family's case it is something else to kick against.

Op the religion aspect is a but if a red herring. I say this as a committed Christian in a mixed belief household.

regardless of basis of religion or lack thereof your dc are being rude and downright nasty. I suspect fuelled by their father and his “parenting”.

This needs to be addressed. It is not right and not normal.

Mine is an atheist home. My kids have never used swear words at home because neither adult uses them. They've never disrespected me either. It certainly isn't normal for teens to do that.

Your children are massively out of line. It is time to sit down, lay down the law in no uncertain terms. It is time to be the hard parent not the doormat

Hopefully, OP, you don't think that those of us in non religious houses are swearing at each other all the time? Because we are not.

NvR means nothing to me so can't help there.

Another atheist home here with nice, caring, respectful non-swearing at their parents, teenagers.

Happy that it's not just me who struggled to see any relevance to the religion background.

OP, no this isn't normal.

Although I've just posted that I couldn't see the relevance of religion, I wonder if it's partly a reaction on their part to what they perceive as you being over-bearingly religious, and in so doing they have lost the respect for you that would ordinarily prevent such verbal abuse.

The religion aspect is irrelevant. I have 2 teen ds and a tween ds. They are respectful kind and non swearing. Atheist house

Atheist home with two young adults neither of whom would swear, shout or be rude to me, and never have, even at their most frustrated.