Why would DS19 buy a Fentanyl test?

[Topaz67]

Just that really. Has he taken something? Found two tests in an envelope when I was retrieving plates and glasses from his room and was just about to chuck the envelope in the recycling. He’s at Uni quite locally and went for a quick trip back earlier this week to see his BF. DM is living with us at the moment and life is quite stressful without this…..

Totally agree with this post.

I don't think what you have said about his sexuality means you are homophobic

It is a ‘minority’.- well certainly in the very middle class social group I am in. And I know that the vast majority of my peers would take a while to adjust to a child coming out as gay, as it just in the ‘norm’.

@Janedoe82 saying something is not 'normal' is often a moral statement and that's why people usually avoid saying things are 'abnormal' even if they are minority behaviours. Most of the world is not white, but we don't say being white is non-normal, do we? Think about using other language than normal/normal, even majority/minority would be better. And, given round the world about 1 in 5 young people identify as LGBT it would be strange if in your social group people were shocked about young people in your group being LGBT, in fact, there was a survey the other day that suggested Londoners in that age group 16-24, nearly half didn't identify as straight, so perhaps throw out ideas of normal/not normal and start again.

www.nbcnews.com/feature/nbc-out/nearly-1-5-young-adults-say-they-re-not-straight-n1270003

This is also possible. Drugs awareness groups will target student clubs and hand out safety info and maybe tests. has the test been used? He may have been given it in a club and accepted it in the way that people do accept free thinsg handed to them, whether they are useful or not.

It is very unusual in my social group, for anyone to be anything other than straight. All are married and no one, as yet, has a non straight child. (All at grammar or private schools). I would say that in the traditional ‘establishment’ world, to be LGBTQAI is unusual. And if you are part of that world- you generally expect your child to be similar to their peers. And if not- it is a shock.

@Janedoe82 my dd attended a super-selective grammar, many friends have children in grammars and private school, they are hot-beds of LGBT activity, girls grammars especially have been wrestling with the issue of where non-binary or transmen should go for several years now (I think that being gay is often harder in single sex boys schools and a lot wait til about 16-18 to come out).

Next you'll be telling me there's no drug use in grammars and private schools...

@Janedoe82 I’m not understand what the link is between where your friends children go to school and what their sexuality is?

Exactly this. It doesnt. The twats on here insisting everyone be immediately cool with everything are probably not parents, and especially not to ND children.

OP - keep the gentle communication channels open. My ND child is not yet at university, and may not go, but we are currently watching and discussing Heartstopper. They love that I am interested enough to want to watch although I might have some different views.

But the drug testing- that would worry me much more.

My point is in my relatively conservative, middle class, social group- peers all in the professions, it is unusual for anyone to be anything but straight and for the children to be following a similar path! Kids play hockey and rugby. Of course there are some children who not like this in school- but it is very much the minority and the social groups don’t mix.

You sound more ignorant each time you post. What has rugby and hockey or a person's class got to do with sexuality?

I think you are the one who is ignorant if you can’t see why it is relevant 🙈. The established middle classes have a ‘code’ of expected behaviour/ likes and dislikes/ what life looks like.
Your child coming out as gay is not what is generally expected. Yes it probably is homophobic but I think all this ‘woke’ expectation that people don’t think like that is totally naive.

And equally it isn’t expected in traditional male dominated working class households either!!

Erm, I'm an ND parent to 2 ND children and 1 NT child and I was not bothered in the slightest when my DS came out to me.
I'm not a twat thank you very much

@Janedoe82 As a parent you should work on your homophobia

My parents are middle class, with middle class friends who’s children played hockey and rugby. I was a middle class child who played hockey. This attitude is harmful whether or not it’s part of a “code” of expected behaviour and should be something you are actively working against

yes- and as you said yourself your mother WAS homophobic- and I imagine a lot of her peers were too. That is what I mean about it being a harder life- facing hard battles for acceptance.

Also, it's a fact that autistic people are more likely to be gay or bisexual than NT people.
www.cam.ac.uk/research/news/autistic-individuals-are-more-likely-to-be-lgbtq

Well that is a whole other debate, particularly if you add in trans discussion.

Sexuality has nothing to do with trans. I'm taking about being gay or bisexual.

"autistic males are 3.5 times more likely to identify as bisexual than non-autistic males, whereas autistic females are three times more likely to identify as homosexual than non-autistic females."

Good for you! I'm so happy for you. People are different, stop being self righteous 🙂

There is nothing self righteous about not being homophobic.

As I said- it is a whole other debate which we will likely have very different views on.
I personally couldn’t care less how anyone identifies/ what their sexuality is, but I think to assume that everyone thinks the same as them is short sighted.

I once went on a night out and the bouncers at a club were giving people these tests. They just said "we can't stop people from taking drugs, but we can try to stop people dying from them"

No go on, I'm gender critical so we probably agree on that.
Being gay or bisexual is nothing to do with the trans issue and it's a fact that autistic people, like myself are more likely to be gay or bisexual. I'm bisexual myself.

Having observed teenagers who have both autism and who identify as non binary/ go along to LGBTQ stuff at school- I am of the view that SOME, not all, aren’t actually LGBTQIA at all, but have formed their own wee group who are on the periphery and where they are accepted, in a way that they are not with the hockey/ rugby playing set previously mentioned.