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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Why would DS19 buy a Fentanyl test?

103 replies

Topaz67 · 14/01/2023 09:12

Just that really. Has he taken something? Found two tests in an envelope when I was retrieving plates and glasses from his room and was just about to chuck the envelope in the recycling. He’s at Uni quite locally and went for a quick trip back earlier this week to see his BF. DM is living with us at the moment and life is quite stressful without this…..

OP posts:
3luckystars · 14/01/2023 21:05

Not all parents are neurotypical either. Or perfect.
I hope you are ok and it’s just something he got when he started at college.

Lochroy · 14/01/2023 21:26

I agree with pp who say it ok to need time to process. I'm sorry you are getting a hard time from some posters. A fentanyl test would also concern me and mn is often helpful. All the best

Janedoe82 · 14/01/2023 21:33

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Janedoe82 · 14/01/2023 21:33

And yes/ agree it is for drug testing.

ofwarren · 14/01/2023 21:36

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Being bisexual (or gay) isn't a choice...

Janedoe82 · 14/01/2023 21:37

Sorry/ badly worded. A life I wouldn’t want for my child due to it being harder.

Fuckitydoodah · 14/01/2023 21:38

Oh ffs the woke brigade is out in force tonight. It's absolutely something the majority of parents would need to process. It does not make them homophobic. Some very unhelpful posts when it sounds like the OP is having a hard time all round. How about being supportive instead?

billycorn · 14/01/2023 21:49

Try not to worry. He sounds very sensible if he’s checking his drugs for fentanyl. Street heroin can also contain this and if he’s struggling with his sexuality/gender my concern would be using heroin (solid experience). I do think it’s best to tackle this head on and offer assistance (I didn’t and it escalated horribly).

holierthanthou73 · 14/01/2023 21:49

Fuckitydoodah · 14/01/2023 21:38

Oh ffs the woke brigade is out in force tonight. It's absolutely something the majority of parents would need to process. It does not make them homophobic. Some very unhelpful posts when it sounds like the OP is having a hard time all round. How about being supportive instead?

just because an opinion isn’t shared, it doesn’t make somebody “woke”

Highdaysandholidays1 · 14/01/2023 21:50

It is hard when your children move off and away and onto lives you don't know much about (I mean you don't know what they are getting up to, not about things like sexuality). It's actually lovely your son has met someone, but don't go crazy keen on getting him to bring his boyfriend home, he might have not even decided he's the right one for him yet and he just needs time for the relationship to bed in (or meet more people). That's for a later stage. He obviously does feel secure with you if he's told you about his new boyfriend so ignore people trying to make out you are not handling this well enough, all sounds very positive to me, just don't go overboard just yet with the mum enthusiasm.

As for the drugs, I know teens and whilst not all do drugs, a heck of a lot do. I would actually be reassured he's engaging in harm reduction and doing this testing, it may have been encouraged at his Student Union, they may have suggested it and he's followed their advice. Drug testing is increasingly common at festivals as well. I would always advocate a harm reduction approach, just saying don't do it doesn't work for those already taking things. The only thing is I wasn't aware of huge amounts of mixing of fentanyl with other drugs in the UK, certainly not outside heroin, possible cocaine? perhaps MDMA but I am not on the ground and don't know the real-world risk right now, it's higher in the States. Anyway, I talk honestly with my children about drugs, and have told one of them due to their MH conditions I wouldn't advise taking them, the other one has experimented but does very little now due to a bad experience, I think don't act shocked or ban anything, but it's fine to look on websites like Frank and talk about the risks,just keep the lines of communication open, you will find that at nearly 20, it's not something you can police except in your own home.

Hunter2501 · 14/01/2023 21:52

Advice please - DD (aged 10) has a phone and I’ve found messages on it where she’s telling other children in a group chat (kids in her class) to shut up and shut the heck up. I’m really disappointed in her, they were just chatting away. Quite rightly so, they replied calling her rude.
How hard should I come down on her? I don’t want her to be the mean, rude kid

Hunter2501 · 14/01/2023 21:53

So sorry - I’m new to mumsnet - I think I’ve replied instead of starting anew post

ofwarren · 14/01/2023 21:53

Hunter2501 · 14/01/2023 21:52

Advice please - DD (aged 10) has a phone and I’ve found messages on it where she’s telling other children in a group chat (kids in her class) to shut up and shut the heck up. I’m really disappointed in her, they were just chatting away. Quite rightly so, they replied calling her rude.
How hard should I come down on her? I don’t want her to be the mean, rude kid

Hi
It would be best to create your own post. You won't get much response on this one as its hidden in another person's post.

Highdaysandholidays1 · 14/01/2023 21:56

@billycorn I'm glad you mentioned this, I wasn't sure whether to as of course I have no idea what the OP's son is up to, he may have even bought the tester strips for someone else to help them, but it is something mixed with heroin at least from what I've heard. Or perhaps beyond that now. I would have my eyes wide open around this at home, as it does sound like the OP's son might be quite naive, and may be going from 0-100 in his experience of the world.

Aloezebra · 14/01/2023 21:56

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My mum said the same thing before I came out. Then I came out and it turned out she was just homophobic. I’m an adult and my life is no more difficult, other than dealing with a homophobic parent pretending they wanted what was best for me.

It’s also not a choice

Highdaysandholidays1 · 14/01/2023 21:56

@Hunter2501 don't worry, it's a learning curve! post your own post and people will advise.

Aloezebra · 14/01/2023 21:57

As for the OP, either your son is taking drugs and testing them to make sure they don’t contain fentanyl or he received the kit at some kind of talk/in a welcome pack/has it incase someone else needs it.

HomemadePickle · 14/01/2023 21:58

I’d also need to process this OP, a lot going on here (I say that as the parent of a ND DS who also has never had a relationship). It doesn’t make you homophobic or bigoted.

GordonShakespearedoesChristmas · 14/01/2023 22:00

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Sexuality is not a choice ffs

HeBeaverandSheBeaver · 14/01/2023 22:03

I dont think it's odd that as a parent you need to let go of Pre conceived ideas you had about your child when they were young.

If the path doesn't go that way it needs processing It doesn't make someone homophobic.

Fuckitydoodah · 14/01/2023 22:03

holierthanthou73 · 14/01/2023 21:49

just because an opinion isn’t shared, it doesn’t make somebody “woke”

OK, point taken.

I am of the opinion that a parent needing to process their child telling them they are bisexual does not automatically mean they must be homophobic.

Aloezebra · 14/01/2023 22:03

@Janedoe82 Whether we like it or not it isn’t ‘normal’

I’d also be interested if you’d tell other minority groups they aren’t ‘normal’. It’s offence, there are other ways to identify someone isn’t an part of a majority group

Janedoe82 · 14/01/2023 22:04

That’s what I mean by difficult!! Many people ARE homophobic. So it is challenging to be accepted in many situations. Not just your mum- lots and lots of people.

Janedoe82 · 14/01/2023 22:06

By ‘normal’ I mean different to the majority of people in regards to sexuality. The social norm is heterosexuality.

Girliefriendlikespuppies · 14/01/2023 22:06

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Bloody hell.

My teen dd has told me she's bisexual, i didn't need process anything and it depresses me that people assume her life will be harder.

A minority choice?!! Wtaf 😳

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