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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

How do you get any downtime when they're teenagers?

109 replies

newmannewday · 10/01/2023 07:48

My current set up is a 5 year old and a 1 year old. They are both sleeping by about 6.30. In bed for 6.

So I get a whole evening really, to myself (and H).

What happens when they're older? Do you have to spend all of your evening with them?

Sounds like hard work Grin or do they spend time in their room, and you say 'right, it's 8pm. You don't have to go to sleep but don't come downstairs'

Just wondering as life is pretty easy when they're at school and then in bed!

OP posts:
Original poster
newmannewday · 10/01/2023 07:49

Forgot to add that DS swims so is not in bed for 6.30 on a Thursday but he is sleeping in the car, then transferred asleep from the car to his bed without waking up

OP posts:
FrenchandSaunders · 10/01/2023 07:50

They go out in the evenings with friends, spend time in their rooms and also tend to stay up downstairs later than us. You just get used to it.
I love it when they want to watch a film with us and sprawl out on the sofa.

Original poster
newmannewday · 10/01/2023 07:52

@FrenchandSaunders that's lovely, I suppose teenagers are older so do seem more mature etc with proper conversations if they're interested

What about when they're at that awkward age of 9-12? What happens then?

OP posts:
Saturdaynoon · 10/01/2023 07:53

You don't see them, unless you coax them out for food, something they enjoy, or they suddenly get a desperate urge to talk to you...

Spendonsend · 10/01/2023 07:54

The stuff they want to watch and talk about becomes more interesting so its not a problem if they are sat with you in the evening. But with homework, sports, going out and spending time in their rooms you get a break.

MillicentTrilbyHiggins · 10/01/2023 07:55

They mostly don't leave their bedrooms ime.
Ok. So that's an exaggeration, but my mum will write quite often ring me mid afternoon and when she asks how they are I realise I haven't seen them yet.

Xrays · 10/01/2023 07:55

Well you don’t have to shelter them from watching adult stuff so they can watch things with you. And you have good discussions. And a lot of the time they want to be in their own room anyway.

Dd aged 19 is home from university at the moment and sits in with us in the evenings. She does work on her laptop but dives in and out of any conversations and sort of half watches whatever we have on. It’s lovely.

Nutrigrainygoodness · 10/01/2023 07:55

They get to a certain age and then you begin to wonder if they are mythical creatures. You're sure you saw them once but you couldn't be certain.

Dd is 13 and she let's herself in (were both at work) kicks her shoes off, throws her bag, watches rubbish on TV until we get in. We make dinner together, and eat together then she'll probably get a notification on her phone, pull a face, do a weird laugh and go 'Ahh gotta go, love ya'
Then I don't see her again until I go in and tell her in going to bed, can she feed the cat.

Cellotapedispenser · 10/01/2023 07:56

Not quite at the teen stage yet but there was a small window when mine were 4 and 8 when they were both in bed by 8 and we could watch tv for a couple of hours. Now the 12 yo doesn't go to bed til 9pm but still wants to be tucked in and have a settling chat so by the time thats done I pretty much am going to bed myself.

JustFrustrated · 10/01/2023 07:57

My two, 10 and 13.

We have dinner at 7pm ish, then watch a TV show we all like e.g. Stranger Things/Hell's Kitchen/Wednesday.

At 9pm it's upstairs to bed, don't have to sleep but be in their rooms. 13yr old reads for 30 mins then sleeps, my 10 year old reads until she falls asleep a couple of hours later.

Sometimes we'll play a game instead, taught them Poker/Rummy/Bloody Mary, or TiddlyWinks or Dobble etc.

They needs less hands on work, but more mental work.

Luckycatt · 10/01/2023 07:58

I often go to bed earlier than my teens. They spend evenings in their rooms talking to friends online, or downstairs with us (which isn't hard work, it feels like a win that they've decided to spend time with us), or we might go out at the weekend, weekdays it's more likely we're driving one or the other to sports training.

When they're older, you don't need them to go to bed so you can have a wind down and rest. They spend less and less time with you for one, and when they are with you, they're company rather than hard work. Sometimes they're hard work. But in different ways to little kids.

bigbadbarry · 10/01/2023 07:59

We watch tv together in the evenings - my youngest is 13 so we send her upstairs if we went to watch something unsuitable (and she still goes to bed earlier than the rest of us). It’s nice!

GoodnightJude1 · 10/01/2023 08:01

We have 4 teens at home atm and rarely see them after dinner….they either go out with mates or they’re in their rooms. They don’t want to watch what we watch on tv and are probably worried they’ll get asked to help do something so they keep well out of the way. Sometimes DS12 appears for a snack but not often.

Slowgrowingelm · 10/01/2023 08:03

Saturdaynoon · 10/01/2023 07:53

You don't see them, unless you coax them out for food, something they enjoy, or they suddenly get a desperate urge to talk to you...

This is spot on 👆🏻

Luckycatt · 10/01/2023 08:03

When they're into their teens you can go out without them. Imagine that! Going to the pub by yourself and not having to arrange/pay for a babysitter! They'll still be up when you get home, though.

Chickenvoicesinmyhead · 10/01/2023 08:05

They go upstairs as grumpy youngsters and come down 2 years later as delightful, funny young adults, good company and spending time with them is an utter joy.

Echobelly · 10/01/2023 08:06

LOL! They vanish into their rooms with phones, I wouldn't worry!

Branster · 10/01/2023 08:07

They're like cats. You know you have them but can't vouch for where they are because you don't see them much.

I find you want their company more than you want your own downtime. Unless you are on standby for giving lifts, just crack on with whatever you want to do. They might join (a tv programme or conversation) or they might keep out of the way. Make sure there is plenty of food - they're like termites.

They always join when you have guests, which is actually really nice.

ApplePippa · 10/01/2023 08:07

It's very different to having young children who need supervision, so down time isn't needed in quite the same way as when they are little.

My 13 year old actually removes himself from the living room if we want to watch something unsuitable 😂

junebirthdaygirl · 10/01/2023 08:10

Mine are grown now but as teens they watched TV with us or had sports/ stayed for evening study. At weekends they called to friends or had friends around. They were actually good company and because when it came to bed time they just headed up to bed so bedtime wasn't that exhausting time when they looked for drinks/ more stories/ coming down to tell you stuff you didn't feel the need for a break. Mine didn't actually spend much time in their room but l did need to accept football/ golf on TV but l didn't mind just read my book. As they generally take care of themselves you won't be as tired at the end of the day and it becomes more a family time than couple time. Same when they were all home for Christmas.
Also l went out more to my own activities as they got older.

deplorabelle · 10/01/2023 08:11

Teens are no problem but there is a period in upper juniors where their bedtimes get a bit later and they spend their evenings energetically telling you about their interests, which can be a bit tiring and/or boring.

I find my teenagers great company at the moment and they put themselves to bed. We have trained them to turn off lights and check doors are locked. It's great 😊

SoupDragon · 10/01/2023 08:12

They're like cats. You know you have them but can't vouch for where they are because you don't see them much.

Yes, this 😂 They appear for food and occasionally they will appear purely for some social interaction but mostly they live their own lives.

HowDoYouOwnDisorder · 10/01/2023 08:13

Teens are great company and you’ll feel lucky if they choose to spend some time with you 😁

(it’s a bit sad to think you’d tell them to bigger off at 8pm, it’s their home too)

MaverickGooseGoose · 10/01/2023 08:16

Dts are 12, the short answer at the the moment is we don't really. They still want to be with us, not in their rooms.

I do end up staying up too late at the weekends so I can watch what they can't on tv. They go to bed around 1030.

I'm going with it, I know it won't be long before they are shut in their rooms.

SirVixofVixHall · 10/01/2023 08:19

My DH and his sister were sent to bed at nine and had to stay upstairs after that, even when they were older teens.
I seem to have unusual teenagers in that they very rarely disappear to their rooms. We all knock around together, watching tv, chatting, eating etc. I love it.