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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

How do you get any downtime when they're teenagers?

109 replies

newmannewday · 10/01/2023 07:48

My current set up is a 5 year old and a 1 year old. They are both sleeping by about 6.30. In bed for 6.

So I get a whole evening really, to myself (and H).

What happens when they're older? Do you have to spend all of your evening with them?

Sounds like hard work Grin or do they spend time in their room, and you say 'right, it's 8pm. You don't have to go to sleep but don't come downstairs'

Just wondering as life is pretty easy when they're at school and then in bed!

OP posts:
middleager · 10/01/2023 08:22

Believe me, you'll have the opposite problem. Getting them to come down and spend time with you will be a rarity. When it happens you'll be making the most of it, not telling them to bugger off.

You won't be confined to the house either, you can go put, get downtime.

CaramelMach · 10/01/2023 08:30

Basically depends on the children but I have zero evening and fondly remember having time to catch up on work after 7.30.

Mine need me more and more as they get older and life is harder and more intense than when they were little. Solo parent (and have been for a long time) working Ft doesn't help matters.

I'm currently in a trap of later bed than I need as i crave 30 mins down time alone with tv then I can't get up the next day so it's starts off badly and so so on.... there no time for work in the evening nor admin.

Enjoy it now !

teaandtoastwithmarmite · 10/01/2023 08:37

My dd is 9 and stays up until 10 on Fridays and Saturdays. By the time she goes to bed I'm ready!

teaandtoastwithmarmite · 10/01/2023 08:39

But she will spend some weekend afternoons playing online and chatting to her school friends so I can read then. The evenings we will watch something together. We've watched the traitors, young sheldon, Wednesday and the apprentice at the moment.

teaandtoastwithmarmite · 10/01/2023 08:41

I'm finding though that sex can be a problem as by the time she is settled and asleep I'm too knackered 😆

Zippedydoo123 · 10/01/2023 08:41

From age 13 latest they do their own thing once homework is done plus any extra curricular activities. You get your evenings back.

HomemadePickle · 10/01/2023 08:45

We have two sitting rooms with TV so there is parallel tv watching (teens vs adults)

Blossomandbee · 10/01/2023 08:45

Teenager is easy, he doesn't watch tv and we don't see much of him.
The age around 10 is harder as they go to bed later, but not late enough to start a film. Post watershed tv isn't really suitable and they don't entertain themselves so much. So yes you do lose your evenings Grin

HaddawayAndShite · 10/01/2023 08:47

Please don’t banish them to their room at a certain time. That’s awful. I know you were hopefully being facetious, but it’s a sure fire way to alienate your child.

WordtoYoMumma · 10/01/2023 08:50

We don't get the evening to ourselves anymore, DH and I. I have 3 kids aged 12-18 and they are always around in the evenings, popping in to chat to us or want to watch TV with us. We all eat dinner together about 7ish, sometimes DH and I will watch a programme together but it is a standing joke that a 40 min episode lasts the whole evening cos we have to pause it so many times to chat to one of the kids 😂

On the other hand, weekends we can go out together DH and I and not worry about babysitters so we get our time together that way.

It's just family life, we all live in the house together so we all spend time with each other. Like housemates! I enjoy my kids' company so it's all good. Eventually my house will be empty and I'll have all the time to myself and that will be sad!!!

Kaylisa · 10/01/2023 08:50

I don’t feel like I get much alone time unless I go out. Two at college. So often when the younger ones are at school, one of the older ones are around as it’s not a college day (they have opposite days) they don’t go out a great deal. Definitely don’t get evenings alone like we used to when they were young.

Xrays · 10/01/2023 08:52

teaandtoastwithmarmite · 10/01/2023 08:41

I'm finding though that sex can be a problem as by the time she is settled and asleep I'm too knackered 😆

Yep. Everyone thinks little kids kill your sex life but it’s actually teenagers. Especially if you have ones that hardly go out - which seems more and more common.

Biscuits1011 · 10/01/2023 08:53

I let my teen stay up till 10 ish.. we go bed around 10.30-11 so she stays up pretty much till we are almost ready for bed. Sometimes she will go in her room, but often she’s downstairs on her phone or watching tv with us.. as for downtime I don’t know what that is as have 7 kids lol. Like yours, younger ones go to bed and don’t hear from them all evening, but yeah as they get older I think making them go up all evening is a bit harsh. Especially if they’re like mine and just sit and chill with us.

TheaBrandt · 10/01/2023 08:53

You can watch stuff that everyone enjoys - traitors / bake off / modern family.

caringcarer · 10/01/2023 08:56

If they play a lot of sport, which you can encourage by signing them up for sports clubs now, they will go off practising for hours. My teen swims 3 times a week often for 2 hours at a time, cricket training in winter 2 hours at a time twice a week and in summer matches often 5 hours on a Saturday and 3 1/2 hours on a week day night if T20 match. He runs too but that is quicker often only 40-50 mins.

RudsyFarmer · 10/01/2023 08:56

Fuck knows. We have no evenings and the children are both primary school age. I was kind of hoping by the time they’re teens they’d both hate us and bugger off upstairs to sit in their rooms gloomily.

lljkk · 10/01/2023 08:57

Yeah, my 1st thought from thread title was "You have teens who talk to you?!"

It is important to listen whenever teens want to talk. Even though teens choose moments to need to communicate that are just as inconvenient as when a toddler decides to fill their nappy.

I can recall a moment when all 4 of my DC, then age 1-9 were in arms reach and this was a constant daily experience. "Why do we have a big house?!" I asked DH. As teens they are more like hamsters each hunkered in their burrows, possibly emerging only at meal times dusk.

Xrays · 10/01/2023 09:00

My Mum had a “9pm watershed” as she called it where she made it abundantly clear she didn’t want me downstairs as a teenager. I mean she was horrible in many ways, I know that, but that’s one of the things that I always remember and it made me feel so unwelcome. I felt like I could never come down and talk to her, especially when as a teen I think things tend to bother you later at night etc. So please don’t do that, it’s just not nice. I mean if you’re genuinely exhausted and need to go to bed that’s different but she’d sit downstairs drinking wine and watching Tv and she’d always be like after 9pm was her time.

Onnabugeisha · 10/01/2023 09:01

They're like cats. You know you have them but can't vouch for where they are because you don't see them much.

This is so true! But yes because they don’t need supervision you have tons of downtime. Often go out without them. And so you do want their company more than more downtime. Especially during sixth form and their departure to Uni becomes imminent.

mistopheles · 10/01/2023 09:01

I remember those lovely long evenings with DH! I used to come downstairs to the joyous One Show tune, having done bedtime. We used to have dinner and watch tv together.... yes things change...

Last night I played minecraft with my 9 year old, taxied 14 year old to dance classes, made food for people at various times, watched Friends with 14 year old, read Harry Potter with 9 year old. Saw little of DH as he was out doing hobby. Collapsed into bed before anyone else! Still great fun though. Good times ahead OP.

InTheFutilityRoomEatingBiscuits · 10/01/2023 09:01

Spending time with your family IS downtime.

I see my teens a lot. They usually stay down after dinner and we watch something together/play a game or we read and generally chat. We also go out together in the evenings, to gym classes or to see friends, a couple of nights a week.

The older ones don’t have a bed time so some nights I will send them upstairs with a strong recommendation that they go to sleep/get an early night between 10-11pm which gives us chance to chat or watch something they don’t like before we go to bed. But most times my teenagers go quiet around midnight, so still going to bed before me.

I have a tween as well and they have a 9pm bedtime, they get told to shower and then we usually read together before they go to sleep.

headache · 10/01/2023 09:08

My four are all teens now and life is easier from that point of view than when they were little.

The best thing is DH and I can pop out together when we want, I don’t think they actually notice. So we will often say “we’re away for a coffee, dinner, supermarket, whatever be back in an hour or so and they are fine).

Of an evening it depends, DH is a big gamer so are some of the DC so they could be off gaming, sometimes all 4 are in their bedrooms and it’s just me and the dog in the living room, sometimes me and DH, sometimes one or two or sometimes all 4.

We have two living rooms though which helps (the playroom has been recommissioned into another tv room so if someone want to watch something different they can go in there). It’s a big noisy house.

Sex is a tricky one when two of their bedroom walls adjoin yours and they go to sleep after you.

Babyboomtastic · 10/01/2023 09:09

I don't know about teenagers but you're unlikely to have such a long evening for long before that anyway. I'm amazed both of your kids are asleep by 6.30tbh - that's far earlier than most. As they get more activities, clubs etc it's likely to start getting much later soon anyway.

somewhereovertherain · 10/01/2023 09:10

Downtime with your teenagers. It’s harder to get tIme with them.

you need to coax them out of the pit of doom with either broken WiFi or food.

TheaBrandt · 10/01/2023 09:14

If you want down time with your Dh and evenings to yourself having kids is certainly not the way to go about it!