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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

How do you get any downtime when they're teenagers?

109 replies

newmannewday · 10/01/2023 07:48

My current set up is a 5 year old and a 1 year old. They are both sleeping by about 6.30. In bed for 6.

So I get a whole evening really, to myself (and H).

What happens when they're older? Do you have to spend all of your evening with them?

Sounds like hard work or do they spend time in their room, and you say 'right, it's 8pm. You don't have to go to sleep but don't come downstairs'

Just wondering as life is pretty easy when they're at school and then in bed!

OP posts:

nc8975 · 10/01/2023 11:32

As I said I worked in nurseries for years so maybe I'm just exasperated with parents wanting to spend as little time as possible with their kids.

Parents needing childcare for their children are trying to spend as little time as possible with their kids? I hope you didn't work at any of the nurseries we needed.

MsMarch · 10/01/2023 11:41

@Otterleaf Honestly, I don't think you're reading this right at all and you're projecting wildly. OP has 2 very young children. She's clearly taking them places and doing things with them - she specifically references some of theses - and she's understandably exhausted and probably touched out. Made worse if, as her posts suggests, she's an introvert. She has not yet experienced the difference an older, more independent child makes in terms of not having them ON you all the time.

As for the parents at nursery - quite frankly, I'd have loved my nursery to get DS bed ready. Not because I din't want to spend time with him, but because he tended to get over tired. So by the time we got home, had a snack, bath and bed, it was too late for him and he was tired and miserable and slept badly. As he only went to nursery 2x a week, we managed. But if he'd gone more often, it would have been really hard. With DD, we had a nanny and it was amazing - DD would be fed and bathed when we got home so we got to sit and enjoy a story together and a cuddle and she still got to bed on time (although sometimes her nanny would leave her upstairs with peppa pig for 10 minutes and she'd pass out before we got home because she was an early sleeper!!)

Otterleaf · 10/01/2023 11:46

nc8975 · 10/01/2023 11:32

As I said I worked in nurseries for years so maybe I'm just exasperated with parents wanting to spend as little time as possible with their kids.

Parents needing childcare for their children are trying to spend as little time as possible with their kids? I hope you didn't work at any of the nurseries we needed.

No as I said not all, people need childcare of course. But there are the parents who use childcare for childcare and there are those that use childcare as a dumping ground at every available opportunity. Ask any nursery worker and they will tell you the same. Anyway I'm not going to keep arguing the point but this has been experience and it saddens me so perhaps threads like this trigger me. Enough said.

mycatsanutter · 10/01/2023 11:50

@newmannewday our ds9 is in bed at 9pm and we go to bed between 11 and 11.30 so we have plenty of time to ourselves . When they are teenagers they spend a lot of time out with friends or in their rooms

georgiesmash · 10/01/2023 11:52

newmannewday · 10/01/2023 07:48

My current set up is a 5 year old and a 1 year old. They are both sleeping by about 6.30. In bed for 6.

So I get a whole evening really, to myself (and H).

What happens when they're older? Do you have to spend all of your evening with them?

Sounds like hard work or do they spend time in their room, and you say 'right, it's 8pm. You don't have to go to sleep but don't come downstairs'

Just wondering as life is pretty easy when they're at school and then in bed!

My mum and stepdad did that 8pm thing. Needless to say when it was 'ok' for us to spend time with them, none of us chose to.

Inkpotlover · 10/01/2023 11:59

Otterleaf · 10/01/2023 11:46

Show quote history

I agree with PP – you are massively projecting and have unfairly implied that OP and the rest of us are neglectful parents for wanting a bit of downtime from the relentlessness of parenthood. I used to still send my DC to nursery when I had a day off from work because I was catching up on chores or helping out my pensioner parents with theirs. I wasn't just sitting on my arse watching TV. You had no idea what those parents dropping off at your nursery were doing either, you've just assumed the worst of them and us.

BurntOutGirl · 10/01/2023 12:00

Saturdaynoon · 10/01/2023 07:53

You don't see them, unless you coax them out for food, something they enjoy, or they suddenly get a desperate urge to talk to you...

Usually to ask for money....or a lift somewhere

BlastedPimples · 10/01/2023 23:23

They really don't want to be with you or around you.

reluctantbrit · 11/01/2023 18:55

DD comes down from her room at dinner time (around 7.30pm) or is back home from an activity and then vanishes back up again most evenings. Unless there is the odd occassion there is something on we all want to watch together or we may play a boardgame at the weekend.

When she is home from school she has 45 minutes downtime and then it's often 2 hours schoolwork per night.

I enjoy talking at mealtimes, they are fun people unless they are moody. But we never did the kids tea and adult dinner, always family meals, so she was never asleep before 7.30-8pm anyway.

She can access BBC Iplayer from her laptop and can take one ipad up and watch Netflix and Disney+ but electronics are down by 9pm (she has trouble sleeping and it's on doctor's orders).

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