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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Son has spent all his birthday money on fried chicken and doughnuts

193 replies

unpocamasporfavor · 05/12/2022 23:48

My 13yo confessed earlier that he's been taking his bank card out each day and has been buying sweets, drinks, fried chicken etc for him and his friends for the last few weeks. Only today he ran out of money.
He's spent about £150. We had no idea.
I thought DH would be really cross when I told him, but he just sighed and said that it's a lesson he needed to learn.
I had no clue he was even taking his bank card out. He's only had it a couple of months so was clearly giddy on his riches. Idiot!

Please tell me that other kids have done this? Im a mixture of cross, sad for him, and quite bemused right now.

OP posts:
Kiopa · 07/12/2022 07:43

Tbh I wouldn't be too upset about this (assuming you/he can afford it). As a young adult in London I spent all my money on food, drink and going out for a few years before I started saving for a deposit and it was great fun. Its just the 13 year old equivalent. Except for the important big things we need to save for I don't think there's any reason to use money to buy stuff over spending it on things you enjoy that get used up (like food and chilling with your mates).

Youcanlaugh · 07/12/2022 07:47

It’s a common tale and not the worst thing a teenager could do. Definitely a lesson learnt!

Our saying in this house is “just always remember, you can only spend it once”. Once it’s gone, it’s gone!

TheGuv1982 · 07/12/2022 07:53

He’s not the only one, and it’s a valuable lesson to learn.

SoupDragon · 07/12/2022 07:56

Your DH is right, it is a valuable lesson. Hopefully your DS has learnt it!

its probably a good time to teach him how to budget!

musicandpassion · 07/12/2022 07:57

I have one too. DD(12) started high school in September so we got her a card in august in preparation. We put £20 a month in for her to spend as she wishes and some of her birthday money also went in. She saved £5 and blew the rest on sweets and drinks after school and when she was out.

Rainallnight · 07/12/2022 07:58

I think it’s harder for kids these days to understand money because they rarely see us using actual cash. It’s sort of magical invisible money.

TwoLeftSocksWithHoles · 07/12/2022 08:03

Nancienoo · 05/12/2022 23:54

@Manchmal What does a bubble tea taste like ?

Squirt a bit of lemon Fairy liquid into a standard cup of tea and give it a brisk stir. This will give you an reasonable idea of what bubble tea is like.

runningupfeesspeakinglegalese · 07/12/2022 08:05

It's not so much that he's blown the money, it's that he's spent it on treats for other kids every day.

Was he coerced into spending money on them?

Did he feel like he had to buy their friendship?

Are they still speaking to him now the free chicken has stopped rolling?

At 13, I can't believe any decent kid would accept free food from another kid every day for two weeks. On one day, as a birthday celebration maybe. Not for two weeks.

SoupDragon · 07/12/2022 08:08

Rainallnight · 07/12/2022 07:58

I think it’s harder for kids these days to understand money because they rarely see us using actual cash. It’s sort of magical invisible money.

This is true I think. even as an adult I can feel the disassociation between cards/phone and "real" money.

the flip side is that they can keep track of their money with banking apps so they do have better access to information in that respect. If they look.

ScrambledOrPoached · 07/12/2022 08:09

I did similar on phone calls to someone I’d met on the internet 😂 it’s a lesson to be learnt.

Fleurdaisy · 07/12/2022 08:12

unpocamasporfavor · 05/12/2022 23:57

He'll get money at Xmas from family. Im going to keep hold of his card for a while I think and he can have it when he needs it. Which is hardly ever.

Show quote history

Can he have a separate savings account ( no card) and his current account. ( Premium bonds might work if difficult to open a savings account) Small, regular amounts of spending money in his card account, larger amount only accessible when he’s considered what to spend it on.

Original poster
unpocamasporfavor · 07/12/2022 08:18

runningupfeesspeakinglegalese · 07/12/2022 08:05

It's not so much that he's blown the money, it's that he's spent it on treats for other kids every day.

Was he coerced into spending money on them?

Did he feel like he had to buy their friendship?

Are they still speaking to him now the free chicken has stopped rolling?

At 13, I can't believe any decent kid would accept free food from another kid every day for two weeks. On one day, as a birthday celebration maybe. Not for two weeks.

I did update earlier on to say we've spoken about this. He mainly bought stuff for him and his bestie. They've been BF since they were 5 so I'm not worried at all about that. I also I know that since he started secondary he's been treated by friends a few times.
Thankfully friendships are one thing I don't have to worry about with him.

OP posts:
Lavenderflower · 07/12/2022 08:19

I think early lesson for him. I think it is important to teach him to manage his money. I had had my own money since the age of 12. I was expected manage my dinner money and travel fares.

Greyphoto · 07/12/2022 08:23

I did this and it’s still stuck with me. I used my card to get cash out at an atm that charges you. I think back now and cringe! I must have spent a similar amount to your DC. I brought for my friends as I wanted them to like me, looking back I had low self esteem and thought buying food for people would make them like me.

I loved being able to spurge and buy lots of treats as they weren’t often available in our house.

Im much better with money now days, I have also made sure my kids have isas, so when they are that age we put a certain amount in savings and they can go crazy with another amount and buy whatever they want.

Phillipa12 · 07/12/2022 08:25

My 13 year old ds spent £600 on gaming, I was so upset when I found out. He had saved all the money during covid and to waste it in 6 weeks was awful, he was really upset too. I now have his card and gaming purchases are run through me first. Its a hard lesson to learn but best learnt now when he doesn't have bills and rent to pay.

fancyacuppatea · 07/12/2022 08:32

He needs a regular allowance of "spends".
Everything else (Birthday/Christmas money) goes into a separate savings account that he can't access until he's 18 - this will pay for driving lessons etc.

I wouldn't let him have more than £50 available on his card per wk.

MichaelFabricantWig · 07/12/2022 08:33

My son is the same, he’s just turned 14 and autistic. He’s spent a chunk of his on coka noodles and Haribo

LadyTwinkle · 07/12/2022 08:40

I can imagine myself doing the same thing at 13 if I'd been lucky enough to have £150 in birthday money and live near a KFC.

Lalliella · 07/12/2022 08:42

Could be worse - friend’s DS ran up hundreds of pounds on HER card on in-app purchases on his game 😱 Fried chicken and donuts is quite funny OP sorry. Lesson learned I think.

thepenismightier · 07/12/2022 08:43

All of my DC did versions of this. One of them has recently managed to blow her student loan on Tesco meal deals... It's all part of growing up.

Original poster
unpocamasporfavor · 07/12/2022 08:44

fancyacuppatea · 07/12/2022 08:32

He needs a regular allowance of "spends".
Everything else (Birthday/Christmas money) goes into a separate savings account that he can't access until he's 18 - this will pay for driving lessons etc.

I wouldn't let him have more than £50 available on his card per wk.

Yep I think we'll most likely do something like this.
It's been really nice reading the tales of very similar experiences.
DS is cross with himself and knows he was very silly so it's a really good opportunity to learn a lesson about money (and impulsivity!)

OP posts:
Spaceprincess · 07/12/2022 08:44

My 13 year old went into Leeds with his friends last week, bank card with about £80 birthday money on it.
He spend most of it, including £33 in McDonald's for them all and £20 on milkshakes.
He did have buyer's remorse as soon as he got home...
Like others said, lessons were learned.

Lalliella · 07/12/2022 08:44

Phillipa12 · 07/12/2022 08:25

My 13 year old ds spent £600 on gaming, I was so upset when I found out. He had saved all the money during covid and to waste it in 6 weeks was awful, he was really upset too. I now have his card and gaming purchases are run through me first. Its a hard lesson to learn but best learnt now when he doesn't have bills and rent to pay.

The people that make these games are bastards. They’re targeting kids’ pocket money deliberately 😡 My friend somehow managed to get some of the money back, not sure how she did it.

LadyLapsang · 07/12/2022 08:45

If it brings you any comfort I can still remember a glorious summer in the late 70s when a school friend with very wealthy parents (unlike us) who held an account for grocery shopping, extended her parents largesse by charging numerous luxurious picnics ‘on account’.

ScrappyCats · 07/12/2022 08:45

My DD has an account linked to mine, it’s a Halifax smart account and she has her own card (and a savings account) but I can see her transactions when I log into my app (she has her own app to). They can have this from age 11.

Before that we used GoHenry and that helped her learn to save, snd to keep track of birthday money etc she had been given or money to spend on holiday (just gave family members her details to transfer so we weren’t messing about with cash)