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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

DD and her school skirt

127 replies

BaconAndAvocado · 13/10/2022 13:26

DD14 insists on rolling up her school kilt until it’s extremely short. Under duress, she will roll it down but it’s a battle.
DH goes mad, saying that men will look at her. Her response this morning was, “No man gets to dictate what I wear.”
When I drive past her school, a few girls are wearing their skirts extremely short too but many aren’t. I don’t think the school insists they roll their kilts down.
I drive her to school but she walks home alone.
Am I worrying needlessly?

OP posts:
LadyKenya · 13/10/2022 13:27

It is nothing new. I am not sure why some girls do this though. Have you asked her why she rolls her skirt up?

vodkaredbullgirl · 13/10/2022 13:28

I used to do it in the 80s, so nothing new.

Perfect28 · 13/10/2022 13:29

Of course the school have a rule about this. Simply go down this route rather than worrying about who looks at her because in that argument she is right

Kanaloa · 13/10/2022 13:30

Men will look at her either way. Catcalling etc isn’t about how sexy you are and them trying to communicate that, it’s about power and fear. So whatever she wears the type of men who look will still look. High school girls have been doing this since forever.

Have you talked to your husband about why he feels your daughter should dress conservatively to avoid men ‘looking?’

EVHead · 13/10/2022 13:31

Yes. Girls Have been doing this since time immemorial. She’s quite right that men are at fault if they look/judge, not her.

If the school are bothered, they’ll do something.

Pick your battles.

cravattwat · 13/10/2022 13:31

Totally normal, chill out. The school will deal with it if they choose to.

Her father's attitude is another matter and I think you do need to tackle that.

He needs to quit with giving her the message that she's responsible for how boys/men respond to her.

DismantledKing · 13/10/2022 13:32

This will still be happening in 100 years time. Teenagers always mess around with their uniforms like this.

Icedlatteplease · 13/10/2022 13:32

Your DH has gone down a route where the only acceptable response is good for her. She is not responsible for men's bad behaviour and frankly she may enjoy men looking at her.

Most parents do offer guidance, "well honestly that skirt looks awful" most don't do it on the grounds "men will look at you". That's a lost cause.

Chdjdn · 13/10/2022 13:33

We have this exact issue; my DD is very clear that she isn’t changing how she dresses based on men looking at her as “it’s their problem, not hers” which I’m with her on and remember thinking the same when young. Also I used to wear trousers to school and still got looked at and shouted at so it’s not just based on a skirt

AuntieStella · 13/10/2022 13:34

Equip her with skirts that can be worn correctly and leave her to take the consequences if she's told off in school

Tell your DH to change his comments - it's not your DD's fault that some men and boys are creeps. Perhaps ask her what she'd do if she encountered a creep?

Needmorelego · 13/10/2022 13:34

I hate that look. Nothing to do with men/boys leering at legs - I just think it looks incredibly unflattering.
I wish I understood why teenage girls do it. Schools near me that have the 'business wear' for 6th form the girls seem to no only wear short skirts but more tight fitting ones. They look so dated. And they tottle around in stupid ballet flat style shoes.
Actual women I see going off to work in 'business' jobs the fashion seems to be longer calf length skirts worn with trainers and a loose blouse or plain t-shirt.
It is a mystery I will never understand. Oh and the fashion of tucking their school jumper into their waist band. What's that all about - don't their tummies get sweaty?

GoldenOlden · 13/10/2022 13:37

DD (and pretty much every other girl at her school) does this. I've commented when I think she hasn't realised how high up it is, otherwise it's up to her and the school.

JennyForeigner2 · 13/10/2022 13:37

Icedlatteplease · 13/10/2022 13:32

Your DH has gone down a route where the only acceptable response is good for her. She is not responsible for men's bad behaviour and frankly she may enjoy men looking at her.

Most parents do offer guidance, "well honestly that skirt looks awful" most don't do it on the grounds "men will look at you". That's a lost cause.

It’s not really “may” though is it? It’s not as though any of the ways that our daughters tend to push the boundaries with uniforms are designed to show less of their bodies or to make them look more dowdy, it’s (nearly) always trying to look more adult and sexy.

Not that there’s anything wrong with that, but it’s a bit strange when girls do try to dress in a way that is designed to look attractive to men and then make a point that they aren’t going to base how they dress on what men like.

Floweryflora · 13/10/2022 13:39

Christ I’m early fifties and I did this at her age. Didn’t you op? Did you and your husband not see girls doing this ? Did you not go to school in the uk?

MrsBennetsPoorNerves · 13/10/2022 13:40

It isn't a great look but it's very common.

I don't think that it's a good idea to teach girls that they are responsible for the behaviour of pervy men because of how they dress, and I would be taking your DH to task over what he is conveying to your daughter in saying this.

Original poster
BaconAndAvocado · 13/10/2022 13:41

EVHead · 13/10/2022 13:31

Yes. Girls Have been doing this since time immemorial. She’s quite right that men are at fault if they look/judge, not her.

If the school are bothered, they’ll do something.

Pick your battles.

Picking my battles is a daily occurrence 😂

OP posts:
MajorCarolDanvers · 13/10/2022 13:41

Shame on your DH

BadGranny · 13/10/2022 13:50

i have a ‘unroll your skirts, girls, tuck in your shirts boys’ session in every lesson. In both cases, I tell them it’s because it looks scruffy.

EndlessMagpies · 13/10/2022 14:14

I cannot for the life of me understand why some girls actually want to have their skirt so stupidly short like that. Surely they must feel self-conscious and continually aware of it.

AriettyHomily · 13/10/2022 15:07

And hasn't it ever been? Not the hill I'll chose to die on as long as they don't get in trouble at school. It's a thing, like refusing to wear a coat.

I have explained to mine that looking back on my school years that we all looked stupid with a 'roll' around our middles but they didn't take it on board.

fallfallfall · 13/10/2022 15:16

I remember doing this and I remember why, I was hot to trot and I wanted that kind of attention and more. It was 100% sex hormone driven, my whole reason for being was to attract the male species.
thankfully that phased eventually passed.
is she on bc?

RoseMartha · 13/10/2022 15:20

My girls do this. I ignore it as the school can deal with it if it is an issue. I have bigger problems with them that makes me not even go there with this.

stickygotstuck · 13/10/2022 15:20

Similar in DDs school.
DD happily wore a longer (required) legth skirt in years 7 & 8. Now in year 9 she wears it rolled up.
Actually, she has complained in the past that it looks ridiculous and looks like a spare tyre (it does). But she says she wears it like that so as not to stand out. Give me strength!

I do say it's school rules and she has to abide by them. She's on her own if she gets a detention because of it.

Hoppinggreen · 13/10/2022 15:22

fallfallfall · 13/10/2022 15:16

I remember doing this and I remember why, I was hot to trot and I wanted that kind of attention and more. It was 100% sex hormone driven, my whole reason for being was to attract the male species.
thankfully that phased eventually passed.
is she on bc?

This post is borderline creepy

BerryShots · 13/10/2022 16:33

I'm so glad DS's school has them all wearing trousers. I don't want to see anyone's underwear whether it's short skirts, see through shirts or low hung trousers (that 'trend' seems to have passed).

I like your DD's response, except she's a bit wrong. The school teachers do get to dictate, as will future employers.

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