DD and her school skirt

[BaconAndAvocado]

DD14 insists on rolling up her school kilt until it’s extremely short. Under duress, she will roll it down but it’s a battle.
DH goes mad, saying that men will look at her. Her response this morning was, “No man gets to dictate what I wear.”
When I drive past her school, a few girls are wearing their skirts extremely short too but many aren’t. I don’t think the school insists they roll their kilts down.
I drive her to school but she walks home alone.
Am I worrying needlessly?

I think @tigerpants800 makes some very good points.

@BaconAndAvocado

did you not do this yourself?
i did years ago!!

The flipside to your dd's response of not letting a man dictate what she's wearing is that she is by shortening her skirt. Subconsciously, she's adhering to men's expectations by shortening her skirt. She didn't do it as a primary school did, but she is now because she is aware of the affect her body has on people. So she is falling in to that trap while thinking she isn't.

A couple of girls on the bus yesterday had skirts so short that you could see their underwear. They can't see the view we can see from the back but it's not pleasant l.

This is normal. I actually looked better in shorter skirts than one down to my knees, its not flattering.

Same - but there’s hiking your skirt up to where a regular short skirt or dress would usually go and then there’s having it literally rolled up or even better - hinched up just under your boobs - just floating at arse cheek level.

Worriedaboutethics
I can’t honestly remember.....it was a very long time ago. I think probably not, I was quite a reserved, self-conscious teen.

I definitely can’t see her knickers....it’s more between that and mid-thigh level.

I really can't understand why mothers don't even attempt to teach their children about modesty because they hinched their own skirts up at school? So that's ok and pointless to even try to parent that? If your own parents and teachers had cared enough to stop this behaviour then they cycle wouldn't be continuing for the end of time.

DD did this. I used to make the effort to tell her to roll it down before she left but I knew she would just roll it up later. I did more firmly point out when it was far too short and that she needed it longer when not wearing tights but I saw it as a fairly easy rebellion for her to have.

Well for some of us ‘modesty’ isn’t really a virtue in this sense. My daughters are allowed to wear shorts. They’re allowed to wear dresses. I don’t mind them having legs. Quite simple really. Obviously if their underwear was showing or their outfit was badly fitted I would tell them, but to me telling my daughter she mustn’t show her legs in case men look isn’t modesty.

I think people are indeed talking about arse cheeks and pants being visible. How they climb the stairs I don't know.

I say pick your battles, and this ain't one worth picking plus it opens a can of worms about misogyny and victim blaming, so just leave it.

Yep, I did this 10 years ago. We had kilts because the school thought they wouldn't be possible to roll up - they underestimated the perseverance of teenage girls!!

Agree with PP. she's testing boundaries and figuring out what feels right for her. If you tell her not to she will when she's at school anywho. I remember if I didn't roll up my skirt it felt as wrong to me as walking around wearing a huge banana costume! These things that seem small as an adult matter lots when you're a teenager.

Also a note that one time my dad did pick me up on my uniform, though if was my trousers being too tight. That was just because of grown, but he told me off and I just have been 14. I felt so uncomfortable. We don't have a good relationship anyway but even now I get that white hot cringe when I think of it.

Your relationship is more important than a battle over her skirt, imho.

OP has specifically said her daughter wears the skirt shorter than knee length but not showing underwear. So that’s what I was responding to.

But obviously if the girl is walking around with her ‘arse cheeks’ exposed that is problematic. However from the op that doesn’t seem to be the case.

Typical teen ‘rebellion’. It was a bit of a game at school with the teachers to see how much a girls could get away with. In those days a punishment for being caught in a ‘skirt inspection’ could be dire! Also mum was not pleased if a skirt was spoiled with constant rolling or unrolling. In today’s fashion where tights are worn the kids can get away with micro- minis as I see them coming from school.

Ah yes, fair enough.

Do you want your DD to sit in an awkward position or having to place her bag in such a way as to always avoid her underwear being visible? That should be the reason for objecting, nothing to do with male gaze at all.

When your a teen you hear what your mum says but you don't fully understand or yourjust not bothered as mum is nagging again!

If its ridiculously short OP needs to have firm words but agree with others it's the norm.

Realityloom it’s not ridiculously short.
Thanks for all the advice. Choosing my battles is a bit of a theme at the moment.....

Rite of passage. Leave her to it. Let her get in trouble at school.

I actively support my dd in rolling up her skirt, she is super hard working, very clever and a tiny bit stuck up at times. Rolling her skirt up is a small act of rebellion against school rules (she generally hates to be told off and is a huge rule follower) but peer pressure wins in this case, all the girls roll their skirt up. Plus it looks better. What I hate is that when she takes her blazer or jumper off the skirt looks all weird and sometimes the label sticks out but she says she never takes the blazer off. Teenagers!

As my dad told me once (years later) ‘If that is all the teen rebellion we get we’re doing well’. I think mild disapproval from the parent is good so that the kid feels they are rebelling, but not a battle.

Good point!

Our school mandated the kilt but forgot to mandate the length until 3 days before the end of term.. no one was taking their kilt back then.
Most of the girls are not actually showing their knickers..

My daughter used to do this at school. Now she's in 6th form and can wear what she wants it's baggy joggers all the way.

We had something from the school. I wrote back to ask if they were also educating the boys to be more respectful of girls' clothing choices and to remind them that up skirting is a criminal offence.