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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Short term live in childcare for teen who doesn't want to come on holiday?

147 replies

whereiscaroline · 08/07/2022 07:44

I am desperate for a holiday. DS is 15 and doesn't want to go on holiday with us. Fair enough. We don't have any family that could come and stay for a week to look after him whilst we go away.

Has anyone used a short term au pair type person for this type of situation? If so, any idea where I could look to find something suitable?

OP posts:
mdh2020 · 08/07/2022 08:08

DS was this age and didn’t want to come away with us. He arranged for a different friend to come and stay for each day and sleep over. alternatively, what would your DS like to do. Is there a football camp or something similar he could go to? Could he ask a friend to come with him on holiday or could you adapt your holiday plans to accommodate what he wants to do?

Fantina · 08/07/2022 08:10

Or could you make him? Lots of grudging teenagers on holiday all over the world

Ragwort · 08/07/2022 08:21

Is there really no one you could ask? A Godparent or friend who might not have to 'childmind' all the time but would be there at night. Depending where you live someone might like a week's break in another house.

Failing that I really don't think you can leave a 15 year old with an au pair or similar (even if you could find one). Maybe you need to re-look at your own holiday plans - you say 'we' so can you leave one parent at home, you go with a friend or on your own? Or is there nothing your DS would enjoy?

Overthebow · 08/07/2022 08:22

I don’t think so, no. Either make him go or don’t go.

CredibilityProblem · 08/07/2022 08:27

Can he stay with friends or family for a week? (In return for a generous payment for his food etc)

rookiemere · 08/07/2022 08:33

I feel for you. Thankfully DS now 16 so can stay at home for the holidays that don't suit him.
Would he go if you asked a friend along ? Then they'll likely reciprocate and you can get an alone holiday.

tirednewmumm · 08/07/2022 08:34

Is it school holidays? What about a residential camp type scenario? He might not be super keen but would probably have fun once he got there and you don't get it all your own way at 15 Grin

Hoppinggreen · 08/07/2022 08:36

Mine would be coming with us

Coughee · 08/07/2022 08:39

I can't help but feel he'd be safer on his own than with a stranger - even one who's been vetted. Not that I'd leave my 15yo on his own. I'd make him come but assure him he'll soon be old enough to stay home.

MoonKnight · 08/07/2022 08:43

hes 15, he does as he’s told. If he doesn’t want to go, that’s a shame but that’s what’s happening. He can choose to stay home next year, but don’t miss out on your holiday!

Beck01 · 08/07/2022 08:50

MoonKnight · 08/07/2022 08:43

hes 15, he does as he’s told. If he doesn’t want to go, that’s a shame but that’s what’s happening. He can choose to stay home next year, but don’t miss out on your holiday!

This!

Wouldn't be comfortable leaving my 15 year old with a au pair that i would have spent little time with.

Make him go and sulk in the hotel

Penguinwaddles · 08/07/2022 08:50

it would be a three line whip in our household and he would be coming along but a few things in the holiday would be adjusted to suit him. Teens benefit massively from
seeing a different part of the world or country and getting away from screens. Give him responsibility for maps, tickets, planning expeditions, cooking over fire, bicycle hire, orienteering etc.

LivingLifeOnTheVeg · 08/07/2022 08:55

At 15, I’d just tell him he’s going with you. Family life isn’t optional. I’d book somewhere that he wouldn’t hate, so internet connection, pool or whatever, if he wants to sit on his phone most of the time, let him. He joins in with meals and at does something with the family for an hour a day at least. Next year, if he’s sensible, he can stay home.

RaininSummer · 08/07/2022 08:57

He's 15. He goes with you and sucks it up. Unless you can park him somewhere else for the week.

AppleIsMyName · 08/07/2022 09:03

What? 15 year old doesn't want to go on holiday? I agree with everyone saying make him go and if he wants to sit in the hotel room all day then so be it.

DistrictCommissioner · 08/07/2022 09:05

Three line whip in my house too.

failing that, a PGL or something week for him while you’re away.

Sunshineboo · 08/07/2022 09:06

would you be happy leaving him for a long weekend? so you get a bit of a holiday?
my parents left me alone for a long weekend at 14. i had a party but nothing too crazy. it was the 90s tho

KittenKong · 08/07/2022 09:07

My brother was that age when he decided camping with the rest of us wasn’t his thing. Don’t really blame him.

he stayed at home with a full freezer, money and a rotation of friends (their parents knew the score) to keep
him busy. For a month!.

Afterfire · 08/07/2022 09:07

I stayed at home by myself for a week at 15/16 for this reason - but this was 1996 so perhaps things have changed! I guess it depends how sensible he is? Is there someone he could ring for help locally if there’s an issue?

I did okay- didn’t burn the house down cooking pizza and managed to look after myself okay. I quite enjoyed being by myself. The worst thing that happened to me was that I got thrush for the first time (!!) and didn’t have a clue what was happening to me so that wasn’t nice but I managed to get myself a doctors appointment and sort myself out.

But I was a very self sufficient teen!

TinaYouFatLard · 08/07/2022 09:09

At 15 he would be sucking it up and coming along. You’re talking about a week not the entire summer.

whenwillthemadnessend · 08/07/2022 09:10

We are making out go this year 14/16. Next year I may leave the will be 17 year old but my parents live in same village

I don't quite trust her yet to not leave hair appliances on etc.

ItsDinah · 08/07/2022 09:10

He comes with you or goes to a residential camp or school. His choice.

OakleyStreetisnotinChelsea · 08/07/2022 09:11

My 15 year old isn't getting the choice. It is for a family holiday not the entire of the school holidays. The rest of the time while siblings may get shipped to grandparents or holiday clubs the teen will be staying home while we work and hanging out with mates etc then.

toomuchlaundry · 08/07/2022 09:11

What sort of holiday are you looking at?

TokyoSushi · 08/07/2022 09:13

Where are you going? Agree he has to go really. If he wants to stay in the room, be on his phone/wifi the whole time, whatever, then fine. You might find that he's fine when he gets there.

Next year he can stay at home.