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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Short term live in childcare for teen who doesn't want to come on holiday?

147 replies

whereiscaroline · 08/07/2022 07:44

I am desperate for a holiday. DS is 15 and doesn't want to go on holiday with us. Fair enough. We don't have any family that could come and stay for a week to look after him whilst we go away.

Has anyone used a short term au pair type person for this type of situation? If so, any idea where I could look to find something suitable?

OP posts:
haggan · 08/07/2022 10:45

@Miajk

Only on mumsnet people don't realize everyone has a different income and they can spend money on what they want if they can afford it.

Oh I realise this happens, just not sure anyone needs to make a thread about it. Bit showy imo.

haggan · 08/07/2022 10:45

I couldn't but I don't believe everyone needs to pretend to be poor to please someone else online, get a grip.

Get a grip? You are one suggesting I think everyone should pretend to be poor Confused

Notgoodatchoosingnames · 08/07/2022 10:52

Does he have any school friends he can stay with? My parents went on holidays without us a few times from our mid teens and we stayed with friends.

LivingLifeOnTheVeg · 08/07/2022 10:53

coffeecupsandfairylights · 08/07/2022 10:43

Good God, talk about more money than sense 😳

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It might cost the same or less than the holiday to be fair. I just think that family time is important at that age. Weird thread though, just google. 🤷🏻‍♀️

toomuchlaundry · 08/07/2022 10:53

If you are able to pay £350 per day for him to stay at home, I am sure it would be cheaper for him to come on holiday and sit in his room!

DenholmElliot1 · 08/07/2022 10:57

If I could afford £350 a day I would have paid it in a heartbeat to avoid bringing my horrible, stroppy, arsey teenagers on holiday (they are grown up now, and lovely!).

Yodaisawally · 08/07/2022 11:02

£350 a day? Surely it would cost less to take him away for the week and let him sulk on his phone

RedCardigan · 08/07/2022 11:05

Could you ask his friends parents and offer them a few hundred quid for him to stay with them or however much you feel?

ivykaty44 · 08/07/2022 11:07

ive Done this type of work, for different ages

i charge per hour but not whilst in bed, it’s a standard charge for just sleeping away from home. I’ve only done over night not a week though

abblie · 08/07/2022 11:10

Could your son not bring a friend

Pkwq · 08/07/2022 11:16

Where in the country are you OP?

SirChenjins · 08/07/2022 11:18

We’ve done the ‘bring a friend’ thing and it worked really well - they entertained themselves (with the help of screens, natch) and it gave DH and I breathing space to do our own thing without a bored teen in tow. Been there twice, got two t-shirts. Also Cheaper than a proxy parent.

coffeecupsandfairylights · 08/07/2022 11:27

LivingLifeOnTheVeg · 08/07/2022 10:53

It might cost the same or less than the holiday to be fair. I just think that family time is important at that age. Weird thread though, just google. 🤷🏻‍♀️

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I don't know many people who pay £350 per person, per day for a holiday 😳

Maybe I move in very different circles to most of MN, lol.

MiseryWIthAStent · 08/07/2022 11:30

I stayed on my own at 15, I wasn't the most sensible but I managed to not burn the house down and enjoyed myself

Original poster
whereiscaroline · 08/07/2022 11:34

toomuchlaundry · 08/07/2022 10:53

If you are able to pay £350 per day for him to stay at home, I am sure it would be cheaper for him to come on holiday and sit in his room!

It absolutely would be cheaper but it would also be miserable for all of us. He has ADHD and ODD, I can totally imagine the morning of the holiday him just refusing to come. It's easy for all of you to say "just make him" but that's not how things work with some children with additional needs unfortunately. For the same reason we can't take a friend, we have done that before and he can't cope with the disruption to his routines and was consequently not pleasant to be around for his friend. It was not a holiday for any of us.

I need a break and it will be better all round for him not to come. There is no need to be bitchy and I'm sorry that the figures that (someone else!) quoted are offensive to people.

I'm leaving this thread now, thanks to those who have acknowledged their DC would be the same or actually offered a solution.

OP posts:
Frazzled2207 · 08/07/2022 11:37

At 17 I would perhaps leave and arrange for friends to check up on him or ask him to stay with friends for some of it but at 15 he needs to stop sulking and just come along even if he ends up sitting in the hotel room and staring at his phone all the time.

Frazzled2207 · 08/07/2022 11:39

Sorry OP I didn’t rtft apologise for my last comment. If he really won’t come then it is a difficult situation unless there is family available

coffeecupsandfairylights · 08/07/2022 11:40

whereiscaroline · 08/07/2022 11:34

It absolutely would be cheaper but it would also be miserable for all of us. He has ADHD and ODD, I can totally imagine the morning of the holiday him just refusing to come. It's easy for all of you to say "just make him" but that's not how things work with some children with additional needs unfortunately. For the same reason we can't take a friend, we have done that before and he can't cope with the disruption to his routines and was consequently not pleasant to be around for his friend. It was not a holiday for any of us.

I need a break and it will be better all round for him not to come. There is no need to be bitchy and I'm sorry that the figures that (someone else!) quoted are offensive to people.

I'm leaving this thread now, thanks to those who have acknowledged their DC would be the same or actually offered a solution.

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If he has ADHD and ODD, will the person you'll be paying to care for him be able to cope if he kicks off and refuses to do things? What will you do if you're abroad and they ring you and say DS has run off, or locked themselves in somewhere and they ca't cope anymore?

concernedguineapig · 08/07/2022 11:56

Just leave him at home. He's 15 years old!

LivingLifeOnTheVeg · 08/07/2022 11:59

coffeecupsandfairylights · 08/07/2022 11:27

I don't know many people who pay £350 per person, per day for a holiday 😳

Maybe I move in very different circles to most of MN, lol.

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Well yes. It can’t really be a surprise that people have different amounts of money and spend different amounts on holidays.

coffeecupsandfairylights · 08/07/2022 12:01

LivingLifeOnTheVeg · 08/07/2022 11:59

Well yes. It can’t really be a surprise that people have different amounts of money and spend different amounts on holidays.

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I'm not surprised, I just think it's insane.

carefullycourageous · 08/07/2022 12:03

At 15 I would tell him sorry but you are still legally my responsibility, so you're coming with us.

haggan · 08/07/2022 12:04

Actually given the update about his additional needs I wouldn't be going anywhere. We have put our own wants for holidays in the back burner for years because it didn't work for the kids. It sounds like he still needs you around.

Jalepenojello · 08/07/2022 12:05

At 15 it wouldn’t be a “fair enough” scenario here. They’d be coming. Maybe next year and only if they had made plans to spend it with a friend.

carefullycourageous · 08/07/2022 12:05

carefullycourageous · 08/07/2022 12:03

At 15 I would tell him sorry but you are still legally my responsibility, so you're coming with us.

Just saw the ADHD/ODD update, that does change things.

Is it not going to be very hard for him to adjust to a stranger caring for him and also for whoever has to care for him?