Short term live in childcare for teen who doesn't want to come on holiday?

[whereiscaroline]

I am desperate for a holiday. DS is 15 and doesn't want to go on holiday with us. Fair enough. We don't have any family that could come and stay for a week to look after him whilst we go away.

Has anyone used a short term au pair type person for this type of situation? If so, any idea where I could look to find something suitable?

He would be going if he was in our household too. However, we would have a holiday that had at least some elements that he liked too. It would be some sort of compromise.

Can he bring a friend with him?
Much easier. They tend to behave better with a mate as witness!

He should go too! What else will he do? My 15 year old went on a trip with mates paid for by her Saturday job and is now very appreciative about going somewhere nice with lots of meals out ! Helps most of the friends away at same time as us too

What 15 year old doesn't want a free holiday. He'll regret that when he has to start paying for them himself 😂😂

Surely at fifteen he doesn't have a choice in the matter.

I can't believe you're even entertaining this tbh.

Aww bless his little cotton socks thinking he can tell you whats happening.

My ds is 15 and I’d be really sad if he didn’t want to come with us. That said, I’d make him come but let him stay in the cottage/hotel and stare at his phone all day if he wanted, but hope he’d get bored and join in at some point.

Yes this, assuming there’s some bits he’d like thrown in the holiday too.

Those of you just saying he’s going and that’s that - have you ever been around a sulky teen? It’s enough to ruin anyones holiday.

@Afterfire I was going to say that! If you are going abroad and having to pay flights and accommodation, that is quite a bit of money to pay for him to sit in his room on his phone all the time!

I was the sulky 15 year old 🤷🏻‍♀️

If I'd sulked and asked the stay home - the answer would have been along the lines of "in your dreams - you're a child and it's not up to you!"

Not that I'd have ever dared sulk over a family holiday tbh.

Ask him to invite a mate! They can pay the airfare and a contribution to accommodation if him being there increases cost, and then leave them to it.

Afterfire, my sulky tween has just destroyed our family holiday for the year (I truly wish we hadn't bothered and now we can't afford another) so god knows what she'll be able to do as a sulky teen. Just throwing this out there but would you be able to take a holiday (for yourself and partner) in term time? Teen can sleep over at friends and have structure of daily school to rely on and you get a proper break?

I’ve got 2!
thankfully they’re passed the stage of needing babysitters (18 and 19) but yes I’d have paid and made them come, and let them sulk on their phones in the room rather than entertaining a child’s ‘I don’t waaaant tooo’

I am desperate for a holiday. DS is 15 and doesn't want to go on holiday with us. Fair enough.

I don't think it is 'fair enough'. What's the holiday? Why can't you choose something together?

He can't be left alone so he goes on holiday. It's the law so it's non-negotiable. Ask him to come up with a list of 5 things he wants to do or places he wants to visit where you're going. It will get him to engage.

Try to establish why he doesn't want to go. Is there anything he would like to do whilst away that may sway him? He's still a child and I would be pretty set on not giving a choice to be honest but I'm sure I'll be shot down for that remark.

Why is it “fair enough”?! He’s 15, not 25! I loved family hols at that age! Meals out, reading my books, swimming in the pool, getting a tan. He can’t hate you that much!

Nothing worse than a sulky teen on holiday, but he’s 15, I would tell him he’s coming, and if he wants to stay in on his phone that’s fine, sounds like you are prepared for him not to engaged in the usual holiday stuff.

@GoldenSongbird if you are in England there isn’t a law about leaving your child on their own. There is NSPCC guidance but it isn’t law.

If the 15yo is capable of looking after themselves and asked to stay at home then I doubt there would be any legal implications

My ex's student did this a couple of time, worked out well, but you need access to a suitable young person, I wouldn't have a stranger stay

That depends on how it goes while you're away, though.

If nothing goes wrong then it's fine, but if the 15yo burns the house down or ends up locking themselves out or throwing a party, then potentially the parents can end up in trouble for leaving them unattended.

There wouldn’t be a discussion here, teen would come. I have allowed her to organise sleepovers to avoid 1 night trips to our friends, but a holiday? No way. We do plan things that are teen friendly for at least part of the trip, but teen is aware that she is not yet independent and so we have final say.

Is there not a friend he could stop with?

Have a look at workaway.info - not official au pairs, these are people looking for a cultural exchange (which can be language or experiencing a British household or just an opportunity to explore a new city or country) with board & lodging in exchange for some help in the household. Interview applicants carefully but I'm sure you'd find someone responsible enough to keep an eye on your son. We've successfully hosted for 3 years.