Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Short term live in childcare for teen who doesn't want to come on holiday?

147 replies

whereiscaroline · 08/07/2022 07:44

I am desperate for a holiday. DS is 15 and doesn't want to go on holiday with us. Fair enough. We don't have any family that could come and stay for a week to look after him whilst we go away.

Has anyone used a short term au pair type person for this type of situation? If so, any idea where I could look to find something suitable?

OP posts:
Rosehugger · 08/07/2022 12:11

If DC has additional needs then I don't understand planning a holiday that someone in the family will obviously not be able to access.

Or even if there are no additional needs, I don't understand planning a holiday without everyone's buy in at the time of booking.

SirenSays · 08/07/2022 12:12

I wonder if this service does exist. I'm a professional house and pet sitter and once had a couple drop their teenagers on me right before they were due to leave. We actually agreed to it and I had two slightly grumpy teenagers in the house for two weeks!

SheepingStandingUp · 08/07/2022 12:13

Sorry OP but yo u are beyond reasonable. You want to ditch your 15 yo who struggled with changes in routines due to his additional needs on minimum wage childcare by hiring an au pair. And not just "OK let him sleep all day its fine" but actually expect them to get him off to school every morning.

SheepingStandingUp · 08/07/2022 12:13

*unreasonable

carefullycourageous · 08/07/2022 12:14

Rosehugger · 08/07/2022 12:11

If DC has additional needs then I don't understand planning a holiday that someone in the family will obviously not be able to access.

Or even if there are no additional needs, I don't understand planning a holiday without everyone's buy in at the time of booking.

Quite.

And the additional needs were not explained in the OP which really are a big factor in why it is even less OK to leave the child behind.

RagzRebooted · 08/07/2022 12:15

Afterfire · 08/07/2022 09:23

Those of you just saying he’s going and that’s that - have you ever been around a sulky teen? It’s enough to ruin anyones holiday.

No I haven't and I have 3. Maybe mine are broken?

CredibilityProblem · 08/07/2022 12:18

RagzRebooted · 08/07/2022 12:15

No I haven't and I have 3. Maybe mine are broken?

Show quote history

Not all teens are sulky. But a good proportion of them are, at least some of the time, and they can definitely ruin a holiday.

liveforsummer · 08/07/2022 12:22

Bare in mind any service that does offer this likely chafed extra for dc with additional needs, especially those that can cause challenging behaviour. Will he even be happy with a stranger?

LivingLifeOnTheVeg · 08/07/2022 12:30

coffeecupsandfairylights · 08/07/2022 12:01

I'm not surprised, I just think it's insane.

Show quote history

My first response was to say he should go on holiday, but OPs update changes things. Having a child with those conditions can be very difficult, if her son is happier at home, and she gets a well needed holiday, in not really ‘insane’.

CupidStunt22 · 08/07/2022 12:35

Has anyone used a short term au pair type person for this type of situation? If so, any idea where I could look to find something suitable?

You want a completely unknown low paid teenager/early 20's from another country to look after a 15 year old boy with additional needs, 24 hours a day, for a WEEK?

Are you high?

Alicewither · 08/07/2022 12:38

I lived on my own at 16, 6 years ago, no support. He will be fine on his own

Eelicks · 08/07/2022 12:45

He has to come with you. My mum left me home alone from 13 onwards while she went on holiday. Simply put its negligent parenting. I was not safe alone. He's not old enough.

coffeecupsandfairylights · 08/07/2022 12:50

LivingLifeOnTheVeg · 08/07/2022 12:30

My first response was to say he should go on holiday, but OPs update changes things. Having a child with those conditions can be very difficult, if her son is happier at home, and she gets a well needed holiday, in not really ‘insane’.

Show quote history

On the contrary, if he has those conditions I think it's incredibly unfair to leave him at home with a total stranger for a week.

SheepingStandingUp · 08/07/2022 12:53

Alicewither · 08/07/2022 12:38

I lived on my own at 16, 6 years ago, no support. He will be fine on his own

If you got yourself off to school every day at 16 with ADHD and ODD surely you understand that was quite unusual? And certainly not ideal.

TheOrigRights · 08/07/2022 12:55

DistrictCommissioner · 08/07/2022 09:05

Three line whip in my house too.

failing that, a PGL or something week for him while you’re away.

Have you seen the price of those? It's one thing to stump that up if you need to work or whatever, but to pay that just cos kiddo doesn't want to come on holiday....forget it!

TheOrigRights · 08/07/2022 13:00

I am a lone parent and my sensible 13 yo is happy on his own and taking himself to bed.
So, if I need to be away for a few days for work then I will arrange for a friend (of mine) to pop in during the evening and morning, just to check everything's ok and nothing unexpected has happened (boiler or door won't lock or crisis laundry - the sort of thing that only life experience teaches you how to manage).

It would be a special situation ie me asking a friend to do all this wouldn't be a CF request due to me needing to work, not buggering off on holiday!

LivingLifeOnTheVeg · 08/07/2022 13:01

coffeecupsandfairylights · 08/07/2022 12:50

On the contrary, if he has those conditions I think it's incredibly unfair to leave him at home with a total stranger for a week.

Show quote history

I wouldn’t do it personally, but I can understand the desperation for a break having seen friends go through similar.

I think it’s one of those situations that I just wouldn’t judge anyone for, because when you have no family or friends to help out, things can get really tough. A break can make all the difference. Some people can cope with it better than others, most people would have family or friends that would be able to help out.

LivingLifeOnTheVeg · 08/07/2022 13:03

And I’m presuming that OP would make sure that her son was comfortable/happy to be left with this person and would check in with him a few times a day.

User48751490 · 08/07/2022 13:06

Fantina · 08/07/2022 08:10

Or could you make him? Lots of grudging teenagers on holiday all over the world

My 15yo is on holiday with us this week. He didn't get a choice. What he does have a choice about however, is if he fancies staying at the hotel on his own whilst we nip out for the morning or afternoon, he can do.

CupidStunt22 · 08/07/2022 13:09

TheOrigRights · 08/07/2022 13:00

I am a lone parent and my sensible 13 yo is happy on his own and taking himself to bed.
So, if I need to be away for a few days for work then I will arrange for a friend (of mine) to pop in during the evening and morning, just to check everything's ok and nothing unexpected has happened (boiler or door won't lock or crisis laundry - the sort of thing that only life experience teaches you how to manage).

It would be a special situation ie me asking a friend to do all this wouldn't be a CF request due to me needing to work, not buggering off on holiday!

If your childs school knew this they would (correctly) report to social services. You can't let a 13 year old at home alone for days having someone pop in twice a day...they aren't a cat.

yikesanotherbooboo · 08/07/2022 13:14

I don't think you can do cpect other families to have him m while you are away.
I must admit we just expected ours to come and they seemed to want to but if I was leaving one at home at that age it would be with family members at their homes.

BobbinHood · 08/07/2022 13:17

Don’t think I’d pay it personally, but £200-£350 a day that’s offset against the price reduction for being able to go on holiday in term time not school holidays and only pay for 2 people instead of 3 probably works out about the same so I’m surprised at the faux amazement in that regard.

EmilyBolton · 08/07/2022 13:24

Gulp…I left my 15 year old on own for a few days, and a week when 16. Ok this was in 2000’s and I don’t think it was unusual
i always go by the fact that my grandparents were working full time at 14.

My grandmother was in charge of all domestic jobs in a house she lived in. She was having to boil water and lye soap for washing by hand, using mangles, coke powered stove, open fires…gosh..she survived…my grandad survived too working in a furniture mill with no PPE and table saws etc. My other grandad lied about his age at 15 and joined up in WW1 - he nearly didn’t survive but was thankfully invalided out with shrapnel wound before he could be killed.
This wrapping 14 plus year olds in cotton wool is recent- it is driven by sites like this where any parent who thinks a15 year old bloody well should be able to look after themselves, cook, open a door and lock it agian behind them, navigate public transport, get out of house in event of a fire and call 999 is guilty of neglect.

CupidStunt22 · 08/07/2022 13:25

EmilyBolton · 08/07/2022 13:24

Gulp…I left my 15 year old on own for a few days, and a week when 16. Ok this was in 2000’s and I don’t think it was unusual
i always go by the fact that my grandparents were working full time at 14.

My grandmother was in charge of all domestic jobs in a house she lived in. She was having to boil water and lye soap for washing by hand, using mangles, coke powered stove, open fires…gosh..she survived…my grandad survived too working in a furniture mill with no PPE and table saws etc. My other grandad lied about his age at 15 and joined up in WW1 - he nearly didn’t survive but was thankfully invalided out with shrapnel wound before he could be killed.
This wrapping 14 plus year olds in cotton wool is recent- it is driven by sites like this where any parent who thinks a15 year old bloody well should be able to look after themselves, cook, open a door and lock it agian behind them, navigate public transport, get out of house in event of a fire and call 999 is guilty of neglect.

14 a hundred years ago is not at all the same as 14 now.

LIZS · 08/07/2022 13:34

If it is termtime you definitely cannot leave him alone. Are there no friends he could board with for the week? Otherwise he has to go, sulky or not, as a trade off for his holiday before,