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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Holiday with Teenager - Never Again?

83 replies

AdviceNeeded367 · 21/04/2022 13:25

Our track record with holidays is making me want to never go on holiday with DS14 ever again.

2021 - Camping with friends - came home early due to DS behaviour

2022 - Trip to seaside city, DS moaned every fucking day and made the trip absolutely miserable.

Easter 2022 - On our Easter 2020 Butlin’s break, which is something we used to really enjoy doing together. DS is absolutely vile unless we’re doing what he wants to do, and only when he wants to do it.

This “holiday” has made me really depressed. In the two weeks running up to it, DS has been so horrible and his behaviour has deteriorated so much that he’s punched me a couple of times.

I’ve booked tickets to take him to see his favourite artist in a few weeks and have told him we’re not going.

I feel like I’m at a point now where I’ve tried a few things that he’s previously enjoyed and he’s still aggressive, rude and bad tempered, and so I’m not doing it again.

Has anyone else stopped taking their teen on holiday?

OP posts:
Fluffycloudland77 · 21/04/2022 13:28

Pity you can’t kennel them, they’d just need a room with WiFi, a loo and a fridge.

EveryFlightBeginsWithAFall · 21/04/2022 13:29

Not to this extreme no and not where they got physically aggressive. How old is he?

Plasmodesmata · 21/04/2022 13:30

Mine is with us, but not leaving the holiday accommodation (15). Relatively pointless bringing him. I think it's a fairly common issue. The older one (17) has been delightful though so perhaps there is hope.

Monkeytapper · 21/04/2022 13:30

14 years old op said

Original poster
AdviceNeeded367 · 21/04/2022 13:33

He’s 14. He has ADHD & ASD but professionals involved have told me that his current behaviour is more “typical teenager”
and less his autism & ADHD.

When he’s at school, he’s mostly fine as we have a routine where he is in his room afterwards other than for dinner. He doesn’t have any friends in the community so no one to play out with. All he wants to do is be in his bedroom and so anything outside of that, he’s just horrible.

OP posts:
Threetulips · 21/04/2022 13:33

Mine were 14 and I’ve never taken them since - told them that was it!

and I haven’t taken them either.

DD was atrocious last time we went! I was ashamed of her behaviour!

Stick to your guns and sell the bloody tickets! Take yourself out that evening, save yourself some grief.

Wouldyabeguilty · 21/04/2022 13:35

I did it with 2 teenagers, nightmare, never ever ever again.

LadyDanburysHat · 21/04/2022 13:37

14 and 15 are the worst ages. They start to come out of it a little after that. I remember being so grateful that my eldest was 16 when we went into lockdown. If if had been a year earlier it would have been utterly horrific.

Original poster
AdviceNeeded367 · 21/04/2022 13:46

Its really good to know that it isn’t just my DS.

I’ve spent so much time lately fantasising about al the things I can do without having his bolshy, nasty attitude accompanying me.

The trouble is, what to do with him!

OP posts:
EveryFlightBeginsWithAFall · 21/04/2022 13:52

Don't know how I missed he's 14

Sounds more likely to do with his asd adhd to me, when I read your post I did think it sounded like anxiety leading up to a change in routine if he isn't nt.

It's how my youngest 2 can be leading up to changes in routine and new places and both have asd both are younger than teens though

EveryFlightBeginsWithAFall · 21/04/2022 13:55

My older 2 got to an age where they didn't like to go and were a bit arsy about it and occasionally grumpy while away but not to a point of totally ruining the holiday and no hitting

I just wouldn't bother going away for a few years

Glenthebattleostrich · 21/04/2022 13:58

No advice OP only sympathy. We are on a big holiday and DD (12) has done nothing but complain. We are in Disney, it's too hot, the lines are to long, why can't she have every piece of tat ever designed, it's boring and she wants to watch you tube. There were giraffes outside our window and she was watching a video of the bloody things on you tube!!! She has been bratty and rude the whole time and is already complaining about the flight home today.

I've told her her me and her dad are going away without her next and she can share the dogs holiday.

NarcissasMumintheDoghouse · 21/04/2022 14:00

Punching you is NOT typical teenage behaviour. He needs to stop punching you.

Livingtunes · 21/04/2022 14:21

I started refusing to take our teens on holiday when they hit 15, they were fine at home but we were miserable on holiday. We had tried everything reasonable but being on holiday together always felt unsatisfactory and when it costs £££s that's just not acceptable. We had decided we just wouldn't go away and we'd spend the savings on something we wanted. Then Covid hit and we had no choice. They are at uni now - we'll take them away for weekends but no more weeks away together.

Original poster
AdviceNeeded367 · 21/04/2022 16:17

He just moans at me constantly these days.

Last week he had a good few days at camp, doing things he enjoys, but has moaned pretty much the entire time he’s been with me other than when he’s in his room on his tech.

Other than watching films and comedians on Netflix, we don’t have any enjoyable time spent together.

I’m just reaching the realisation that if I want to do things that I enjoy, (holidays, travelling, long walks, meeting friends etc) that I have to do it with out DS.

Since Covid, he’s become very introverted and socially isolated and so I have been trying to orchestrate situations for him to meet up with friends have have social interactions such as meeting with friends who have kids his age that we’re friends with and trying to get him to leave his bedroom to see his friends IRL but after this week, I feel like I’m done with him. Everything I do is met with aggressive resistance and I’ve had enough of it. If he wants to be a sad loner then he can be.

I always thought when he was older we’d be able to go on proper holidays together and that at age 15/16, we’d be enjoying things like Disneyland and safaris - and I’m quite upset that the reality is so different.

OP posts:
Original poster
AdviceNeeded367 · 21/04/2022 16:19

Glenthebattleostrich · 21/04/2022 13:58

No advice OP only sympathy. We are on a big holiday and DD (12) has done nothing but complain. We are in Disney, it's too hot, the lines are to long, why can't she have every piece of tat ever designed, it's boring and she wants to watch you tube. There were giraffes outside our window and she was watching a video of the bloody things on you tube!!! She has been bratty and rude the whole time and is already complaining about the flight home today.

I've told her her me and her dad are going away without her next and she can share the dogs holiday.

This sounds just like DS! You have my sympathies! How cool to have giraffes outside your window!! 🦒

OP posts:
Lochjeda · 21/04/2022 16:22

My eldest has been a nightmare on holidays since she was about 8 and we have hated taking her, she ruined every holiday. I can't even tell you how happy I am she is now going away with friends this year and likely will going forward too. You have my complete sympathy. If you have other children he is ruining it for id leave him somewhere if you have the option.

Matchingcollarandcuffs · 21/04/2022 16:29

If it’s any consolation DS16 was like this and has now pretty much come out the other side. DD15 had always been keen to go and try new things.

DD13 is like this and is currently asking me if he can take the PS4 away with us in a caravan for 2 nights. After we cancelled our planned week in France so he could go to Wembley for the footie (then DH got Covid so we'd not have been able to go anyway).

He's also lashing out verbally as he's not done his homework and it's now my fault as I'm making him go away.

Problem with him is If never trust him in the house alone, he's the type to end up with 500 people here within about 30 mins. So we're stuck a while longer yet

WhatsitWiggle · 21/04/2022 16:30

I hear you! I'm currently in Rome with DD, also 14. Only booked a couple of weeks ago, and when I said we might not go she was disappointed and said she wanted to do it. She has a face like a wet weekend for most of it, is glued to her phone and asks constantly when we're going back to the hotel - we're only doing 3-4 hours sightseeing a day and the hotel room is basic, because I didn't expect to see so much of it! We're going to the Vatican tomorrow and I'm tempted to block her phone and tell her it's banned on religious grounds 😆

flipflopping · 21/04/2022 16:33

Bloody hell, punching you is not typical teen behaviour! Can you get some more support somehow? Moaning about going on holiday really seems secondary compared to that.

Seeline · 21/04/2022 16:37

Ours were 17 and 19 last year and still came away with us - just a staycation. For a few years now we've picked holidays where there things that they would definitely have enjoyed. If they didn't want to join in with other stuff, leave them to have a lie in, stay on phones, watch films etc.

All teens can be grumpy and moody. But most teens don't punch their mums. I'd say that was the ASD/ADHD.

ManUforthewin · 21/04/2022 16:39

I have three teens and have found 14 the trickiest age. However punching would never be tolerated and you are right to tell him will have to miss something he wants as a consequence.

So far mine have been ok on holiday but they don’t have ASD / ADHD which must make the change in routine and everything else hard for your DS. I don’t think his diagnosis excuses his shitty behaviour though and he needs to know how unacceptable it is.

Swayingpalmtrees · 21/04/2022 16:45

Punching you is really serious, and not normal behaviour at all. That needs addressing before the holidays.

Send him on the school trips and holiday whilst he is there, or ask relatives to care for him. You are not obliged to have every holiday ruined by anyone. You sound like you really need a break op💐

PiggyDot · 21/04/2022 16:49

I dread this. I'm thinking that maybe a divide and conquer approach works best? One parent takes one child on holiday and Mum and dad go away for a week leaving kids with friends or family. Would this work better, when not the whole family goes each family member with their expectations that are unlikely to be met?

OhWhatFuckeryIsThisNow · 21/04/2022 16:58

My niece was particularly vile on holidays. She utterly ruined the last time we all went to Majorca, in fact bil got so fed up with her he threatened to put her in a plane home to her grown up siblings. He got her passport, booked the cab to the airport and told her to pack. She got her head on straight, but made me want to never go anywhere with her again. (She’s a lovely young woman now btw)

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