Holiday with Teenager - Never Again?

[AdviceNeeded367]

Our track record with holidays is making me want to never go on holiday with DS14 ever again.

2021 - Camping with friends - came home early due to DS behaviour

2022 - Trip to seaside city, DS moaned every fucking day and made the trip absolutely miserable.

Easter 2022 - On our Easter 2020 Butlin’s break, which is something we used to really enjoy doing together. DS is absolutely vile unless we’re doing what he wants to do, and only when he wants to do it.

This “holiday” has made me really depressed. In the two weeks running up to it, DS has been so horrible and his behaviour has deteriorated so much that he’s punched me a couple of times.

I’ve booked tickets to take him to see his favourite artist in a few weeks and have told him we’re not going.

I feel like I’m at a point now where I’ve tried a few things that he’s previously enjoyed and he’s still aggressive, rude and bad tempered, and so I’m not doing it again.

Has anyone else stopped taking their teen on holiday?

@CornishLamb I couldn't agree more with your assessment!

@AdviceNeeded367, I think this is probably more than just a holiday thing - he sounds extremely anxious and in need of control. I'd have a broader look at working out with him what the needs/emotions are that he's expressing through the behaviour (obviously zero tolerance on the violence). I honestly don't think punishment for the behaviour, rather than getting to the root of it, is going to work well to change things. Have you looked at books like The Explosive Child, and the "How to Talk" series?

I have one similar. Miserable previous holidays. 15. This year we booked only 6 nights in a central seaside town hotel. Arcades; cinema, nandos! Near. Hoping keep him amused but also option he can stay in room if arsey and DH and I can go off for a few drinks. We are finding doing odd nights away easier. Hotel, a curry and he does actually grunt at us for a few hours.

The moaning is a common theme. DD16 is heading into GCSEs and it’s like the exam board are targeting her personally. Her stress manifests as v short fuse, v unreasonable and shouty/tears. Also become v isolated due to Covid and all she wants is to be driven around the countryside (like long trip, all day) and be bought fast food constantly.

Other daughter 17, has become ruder and ruder since going back to college after Christmas. Has ASD, and obviously masking all day (even though she says all her friends are ASD/ADD) makes her knackered. Refuses to talk unless it’s a monologue on her latest interest. Cannot tell her off for anything because she’s ‘so fragile’ but only when she wants to be.

we have a holiday booked for late July. Half of me is dreading it. 🙈🙈🙈

A typical teen does not punch !! They are difficult, rude, obnoxious but not punching sorry!

We are taking our 17 yr old on holiday in the summer but bringing her best friend , otherwise I picture a v grumpy teen stuck with her parents!

It sounds really horrible and stressful for you but please, please sell those concert tickets and do not let him “win them back” by doing chores. He punched you - actions have consequences and he needs to know now that somethings are just totally unacceptable. He is not going to get any smaller, what if he is still punching you at 15/16?

I would say if becoming violent his anxiety may be very high and he's possibly dreading the holiday.
Our ASD son would be the same except Covid killed off holidays for 2 years. We only do short city breaks/ premier Inn holidays now and with wi-fi so he can keep up with friends online. It doesn't really feel like a holiday though!

I am currently in Spain with my 13 and 16 year old and so relieved to find this thread I could cry (again). My 16 year old is suspected ASD and has had a challenging few years, he’s been so awful this holiday that I’ve already decided I will never, ever take him away again. He’s ruined it for me and ds2 and that’s with being accommodating, giving him space etc.