15 year old daughter wants to try alcohol

[redblonde]

She has asked if she can try some alcohol at Christmas. In theory I think it’s ok for her to try it, in a safe environment (although on the inside I’m screaming “ noooo you’re still my baby”!) but not sure what to suggest! She doesn’t like what wine smells like and spirits seem a step too far. I’m thinking a weak cider maybe? Any suggestions?

I agree with MissLucy. I was given sips of wine (encouraged by my dad) from about age 9 and I have an excellent "off-switch" and seldom overindulge. He was half-(mainland) European too and I do find the attitudes in non-UK Europe so different to alcohol.
My 5yo was allowed a sip of my champagne on my birthday, which she liked until she swallowed it! She's still not allowed fizzy pop though

Since at least two posters have said studies have shown that introducing kids to alcohol at home is bad, I thought I’d be the first to actually link to one- admittedly the first study I found on Google but it says it’s a good thing to introduce kids to alcohol with family meals. www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2010/08/100819112224.htm

@MsTSwift

Not forbidden fruit. But endorsing it at home doesn’t give a good message. Sadly in England there is (and historically always has been) a hard drinking culture. It’s different to France. Can’t find study but Dh looked into it and they found that children that were encouraged to drink at home were more likely to be problem drinkers in the future and the concept of “safe” drinking at home putting them off was wrong.

I agree. Surprised (or maybe not surprised) at the enthusiasm on here for encouraging teens - and younger - to go for it. Weird!

Since at least two posters have said studies have shown that introducing kids to alcohol at home is bad, I thought I’d be the first to actually link to one- admittedly the first study I found on Google but it says it’s a good thing to introduce kids to alcohol with family meals.

and that's the thing with "Research" , you can usually find something to agree with your thinking if you ask Google....

I was allowed small alcoholic drinks as a teen at home (hooch was a real treat!). I noticed even then that my friends who had never been allowed even a taste or whose parents treated drinking as forbidden drank a lot more than those of us who were given drinks at home- not to excess, a glass of wine at a meal, champagne at a celebration type of thing.

I also knew that because my parents were very open about pretty much anything I didn't have to be afraid or hide things. If I did get drunk I could go home to safety, they wouldn't be thrilled of course. But friends whose parents weren't as open wee afraid to go home or tell parents where they were so weren't always safe.

Obviously drinking to excess in a park or whatever is a far cry from having a glass of fizz at home. For that I think something like an acopop or Prosecco are a nice way to include a teen.

My own dc are a way off teen years still, but I've always had the same approach as my parents, nothing is 'off limits' as such but I will be (age appropriately) honest and give the facts to help them make decisions rather than just say no. OP you should be proud your DD has come to you, she is being very mature and reasonable about what could be a touchy subject.

I'd agree with whoever said a little Christmas drink, a baileys or a mulled wine. Btw ds is 13 and I'll secretly be 'no!!' too . I was 18 for my first drink, the rest of my siblings were about 15 for the first. I remember years and years ago I was absolutely slagged and scoffed at by sil for this, she says at 13 most teenagers are down by the canal drinking cider and it's obviously where I was from. (She's recently changed her tune and said she can't imagine ds drinking as he's so small and innocent and 1 sip will probably have him drunk so she hopes he's older first)

@CSJobseeker

Bailey's is a good shout, it's very festive, although it's strongish.

You can dilute baileys with milk.

@LindaBlinda @SFisnotsimple we had modelling, a mum that didn't drink and dad that drank sensibly and my sister and I drank loads and were often drunk. They thought introducing it would make us sensible- they were very wrong!!!!

Just give her a few different drinks to try, on different days. Please normalise alcohol to stop it being something they feel they need to hide. I was allowed a taste from being young and my children have been the same. My 15yo isn't really interested though but my 11yo enjoys a sip. My parents aren't really drinkers, I'm teetotal now but I think it's important to not make it taboo.

@friedeggandsauce sure, there are always going to be some that are on a mission to get pissed, whatever.

I've noticed with my DC it is more often the ones that have had alcohol severely restricted or banned at home.

I’d just give her half a glass of whatever you’re drinking- it’s a social thing. I wouldn’t go out of your way to get her something either better suited to the teenage palate or worse suited.

My DD will drink an occasional fruit cider with us on a weekend, she’s 15. That would be my suggestion, like a koppaberg or old mout or something.

Update! She went to a party with a friend (an adult party that friend and whole family were at) and was given a half glass of Prosecco which she mixed with Fanta! That seemed ok although I was a bit miffed it happened without me knowing about it first. Just found out from my daughter that actually there were a few glasses of Prosecco and Fanta and she was sick at the end of the evening - not “off her face” sick but did vomit a little she says. I feel a bit let down that she was allowed to get into that state.

I'd let mine have Asti from about 8, only sips mind. Early teens they could have a proper drink to themselves. I wanted to take away the desire it was something special. Neither really drink now as young adults, neither have gone out and got totally trolleyed.

That is as my aim, it's just a drink no more.

That's a shame- I think maybe worth talking to her quite seriously about how not to drink to excess- if she was sick, she definitely drank far too much even if she doesn't think she was off her face (although to be fair prosecco mixed with fanta sounds disgusting enough to make anyone sick). And maybe in terms of her taking responsibility rather than other people allowing her to get into a state.

Try Moscato D’asti - sparkling dessert wine. It’s sweet so it’s palatable to a teenage, it looks like champagne so it’s suitably ‘grown up’ but it’s only about 6% ABV.

@redblonde

Update! She went to a party with a friend (an adult party that friend and whole family were at) and was given a half glass of Prosecco which she mixed with Fanta! That seemed ok although I was a bit miffed it happened without me knowing about it first. Just found out from my daughter that actually there were a few glasses of Prosecco and Fanta and she was sick at the end of the evening - not “off her face” sick but did vomit a little she says. I feel a bit let down that she was allowed to get into that state.

Bless her heart.

Fanta and Prosecco though! That sounds fucking vile. I don't think you ever forget the smell of the drink that first made you ill. I can't smell Bacardi now without gipping and DH's is Southern Comfort.

The joys of being an 80s teenager...

In answer to your original question. My older teenager has a glass of wine at dinner with us. He says he's been offered booze at parties but declined. He is probably lying. But never seen him worse for wear so I leave well alone.

I dont think the youth of today are as bad as we were. I was a "good girl" as a teenager but was still fairly regularly drunk from the age of about 16.

Since its Xmas, mulled wine and cider. Maybe low-alcohol cocktails.

Don't introduce her to alcopops (though she'll get them anyway) - if she doesn't want wine, then whatever.

They thought introducing it would make us sensible- they were very wrong!!!!

It doesn't really matter what parents think as sensible. Kids will want to drink with their mates and experiment. That's a rite of passage.

I'd be amazed if she's got to 15 and never tried alcohol!!!

Our DDs had sips of our drinks, watered down wine, a small Baileys etc from when they were young teens because we didn't want alcohol to be a Big Thing later in teen hood. Seems to have worked.

We used to have a weak port and lemonade at around that age, or half a pint of bitter.

Back in the 1960s, my sister and I were given a tiny splash of Pimms or beer (barely enough to colour the lemonade) in long summer drinks, from about the age of ten. We felt v grown up!
Neither of us liked the taste of neat wine or spirits until much older.

I don't think you ever forget the smell of the drink that first made you ill

Malibu and anything strawberry scented here 🤮