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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

15 year old daughter wants to try alcohol

122 replies

redblonde · 02/12/2021 22:21

She has asked if she can try some alcohol at Christmas. In theory I think it’s ok for her to try it, in a safe environment (although on the inside I’m screaming “ noooo you’re still my baby”!) but not sure what to suggest! She doesn’t like what wine smells like and spirits seem a step too far. I’m thinking a weak cider maybe? Any suggestions?

OP posts:
Derbee · 03/12/2021 08:15

Port Grin

dementedpixie · 03/12/2021 08:17

@MsTSwift

There’s been studies that the “try it at home where it’s safe” method is totally wrong and actually encourages problem drinking as the teen sees parents are endorsing it.

We say no it’s illegal. Not naive enough to think she won’t drink and she knows she can come to us if anything goes wrong but not being “cool mom” on this.

It's not illegal in the UK though. You could give alcohol at home from age 5 if you wanted!
KittenKong · 03/12/2021 08:18

@MsTSwift

Yeah done several French exchanges didn’t see young teens drinking alcohol encouraged by parents though 🙄,
Watered down wine was pretty common when I was a kid (we had a place in France and would spend summers there). My parents didn’t but others did. It’s a different attitude to alcohol though - appreciate it rather than get pissed.
MsTSwift · 03/12/2021 08:19

So what. Lots of low behaviour isn’t illegal. Think it’s shit lax “let’s be mates” lax parenting not changing my view on it.

MsTSwift · 03/12/2021 08:21

Poring drinks for teens Reminds me of the Amy Poehler mum character in Mean Girls “no rules here girls I’m not like the other moms”

dementedpixie · 03/12/2021 08:27

Dd (18) was never really interested until age 17ish and will have a couple of fruit ciders at the weekend. Ds is 15 and has no interest. Dh and I have a couple of drinks at the weekends but not to the extent of being drunk.

rainbowandglitter · 03/12/2021 08:45

My 12 yo ds takes a sip of mine occasionally but never likes it. The only one he's vaguely liked is Baileys.

MissLucyEyelesbarrow · 03/12/2021 08:52

@MsTSwift

Yeah done several French exchanges didn’t see young teens drinking alcohol encouraged by parents though 🙄,
Eye-rolling right back at you.

I'm half French and grew up partly in France/Switzerland. Our culture is to learn to appreciate alcohol as part of a meal. Alcohol is demystified and is not 'forbidden fruit' as it is in the UK. And it is part of the experience of good food, The French almost never collectively drink to get drunk, as people do in the UK and Nordic countries. Our average rates of alcohol intake are about half of the UK.

That's not to say that everything is perfect. We still have quite high rates of individual alcoholism (though lower than here), but we don't have the mindset that a good night out involves getting plastered.

So a responsible parent in France passes on this culture to their children, which includes a gradual introduction to alcohol as a teen, in the context of a meal. It seems to be working for us.

MsTSwift · 03/12/2021 08:56

Not forbidden fruit. But endorsing it at home doesn’t give a good message. Sadly in England there is (and historically always has been) a hard drinking culture. It’s different to France. Can’t find study but Dh looked into it and they found that children that were encouraged to drink at home were more likely to be problem drinkers in the future and the concept of “safe” drinking at home putting them off was wrong.

Obsidiansphere · 03/12/2021 08:56

From age 12 I was offered a very weak snowball at Christmas…by 15 I enjoyed dry martini and lemonade

Kitkat151 · 03/12/2021 09:10

I’m amazed she’s got to 15 and never tasted alcohol

Bluntness100 · 03/12/2021 09:19

In three years she could be at uni and not living at home. For me it’s better not to make alcohol taboo because those are the kids who move away, don’t know their limits and end up unsafe.

Alcohol should be allowed in moderation and good practices modelled. It should never be a big deal

Bluntness100 · 03/12/2021 09:21

@MsTSwift

Not forbidden fruit. But endorsing it at home doesn’t give a good message. Sadly in England there is (and historically always has been) a hard drinking culture. It’s different to France. Can’t find study but Dh looked into it and they found that children that were encouraged to drink at home were more likely to be problem drinkers in the future and the concept of “safe” drinking at home putting them off was wrong.
This isn’t right, and in fact in mainland Europe where alcohol is treated as part of a meal and not made a big deal of then kids don’t grow up to binge it so much, the uk has a problem as some people either model getting wankered or they try to control their kids so much the first taste of freedom sees them not know their limits and get into trouble or they drink in secret younger.
ginslinger · 03/12/2021 09:24

I wouldn't go for alcopops because it's disguising what alcohol actually is through sweetness and flavouring. I would think that a glass of champagne is a good start. To encourage safe and responsible drinking she needs to learn that it is about taste and not effect. I wish my parents had done that with me.

MissLucyEyelesbarrow · 03/12/2021 09:43

@ginslinger

I wouldn't go for alcopops because it's disguising what alcohol actually is through sweetness and flavouring. I would think that a glass of champagne is a good start. To encourage safe and responsible drinking she needs to learn that it is about taste and not effect. I wish my parents had done that with me.
Agree. Alcopops are a terrible idea. It's good that alcohol is an acquired taste, because it deters teens from binging.
MsTSwift · 03/12/2021 09:47

You can’t just say a study “isn’t right” it’s what they found to be the case 🙄. By giving it to them you are endorsing that under age drinking is ok. Do what you like with your own kids but I think it’s shit parenting

ElephantOfRisk · 03/12/2021 09:54

DSs have had bucks fizz on Christmas morning, a weak snowball on Christmas eve and a small amount of cider (initially watered down with lemonade) or shandy with special meals since late primary age.

My family and DHs family have had issues with alcohol so we've tried to normalise controlled social drinking rather than secret binge drinking.

They are 21 and 20 now and whilst they do enjoy a few now and then, they aren't big drinkers. Very much more a social few pints or couple of bottles in the house on a weekend.

I can't say they've never been drunk, but alcohol is not a big feature in any of our lives.

peboh · 03/12/2021 10:04

I'm all for allowing teens to have a drink at home. It takes away the taboo aspect of it, and makes them less likely to go out and find it through other means (meaning getting drunk on parks etc and you not knowing) at least you know they're in a safe environment, and can monitor their intake.

byvirtue · 03/12/2021 10:40

As a teen I was allowed a glass of Asti Spumante with dinner on the weekend.

Wouldn’t touch the stuff with a barge pole now, so sweet!

BarefootHippieChick · 03/12/2021 10:49

@MsTSwift

In the states it’s 21 can’t believe people giggling and giving spirits to 13 year olds.

Yeah, I've always found it strange in the States that 15 year olds can happily drive on dangerous highways, and get married at 18 (or younger) but aren't allowed to drink until they've officially left university.

Suzi888 · 03/12/2021 10:50

I used to have a baby Cham - classyGrin

slug · 03/12/2021 11:58

Baileys or Port. Failing that, DD who is now 20, didn't drink before she left for university and now only rarely. She's quite fond of the tinyiest splash of vodka in a glass of apple juice. She will occasionally have half a glass of champagne if it's offered.

MsTSwift · 03/12/2021 14:23

I don’t think this generation drink like we do anyway. Friends had a joint 50th and 18th it wasn’t the 18 year olds who were getting drunk and daft and waking up with dreadful hangovers….

ISpyCobraKai · 03/12/2021 15:30

MsT
My 20yr old and her friends rarely drink and even when they do it'll be one or two.

Kite22 · 03/12/2021 17:34

In the states it’s 21 can’t believe people giggling and giving spirits to 13 year olds.

Not sure where you are getting this from ?
That isn't what anyone is talking about on this thread.
People are saying, when the young person says "Can I have some", many of us would let them taste whatever we are drinking, and, as a pp has said, overwhelmingly most youngsters won't actually like the taste of that beer or whine anyway, but it's not seen as some sort of mysterious nectar that they will be allowed "one day". It is just a normal thing that adults sometimes like to drink with a meal or at a social occasion.
I don't think I 'offered' alcohol to any of mine before they were 17, but, if they wanted to try a taste, I wasn't going to make a big thing about it. We also, over the years, had different conversations about strengths of different drinks and about 'measures' (or lack of them in the home or at parties), and about eating before hand or alongside alcohol, and about drinking water and keeping hydrated, and about choices and feeling comfortable saying 'no thanks', and all that goes alongside bringing up teens responsibly.