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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

DD14 caught smuggling alcohol into a sleepover

100 replies

bertiebottseveryfalvourbeans · 28/10/2021 21:54

Hi all, im not sure what to do ...

my DD is going to a her friends early tommrow morning, and then staying there, having a sleepover there with 4 other girls (all close friends) (there will be six of them in total), and she has already packed her bag,
I accidentally kicked the bag when walking past her door and i heard a clink and the sound of liquid moving around so i opened it up, and lo and behold, there was a waterbottle full of Pimms nestled inbetween her pajamas! She was very tired today and has already fallen asleep, and i have no idea what to do!!

Do I wake her up and confront her about it?? Should I just tip it down the drain, fill it up with water and give her a nasty shock when she whipps it out tommrow night?? I also dont think I should tell my DH about this because he can absolutley blow his top about this kind of thing and it will just end in DD and him having a scream-off.

She is a pretty sensible girl and ive never caught her doing this before, I know i probably did stuff like this at her age, and she was just going to drink it with some girls weve known since she was 11 but she also stole it and is underage, so I dont think it should go unmentioned!

Not sure what to do, quick replies would be amazing! God it can be tricky parenting teenagers!

OP posts:
HelloDulling · 28/10/2021 21:57

Don’t wake her up. Tell her in the morning the sleepover is off. She’s 14.

Morechocmorechoc · 28/10/2021 22:00

Dont wake her now. We have all been there. Do you know the parents where she is going? Will they be around supervising? If not i def woukdnt let her go. Personally if they are then let her. Replacement water sounds like a good idea to me, and punishment when she returns.

maddy68 · 28/10/2021 22:00

So a normal.14 yr old. Just tell her she can't now go expect a tantrum

Original poster
bertiebottseveryfalvourbeans · 28/10/2021 22:02

i know this girls parents pretty well and they will be home, and at the end of the day I do trust DD and her friends, but I cant shake the image of someone throwing up on the carpet, and then the parents finding out my DD brought the alcohol ... I just dont want her to get a bad rep with the other parents

OP posts:
tiredanddangerous · 28/10/2021 22:04

I have a 14 year old daughter and the sleepover would be off.

Andi2020 · 28/10/2021 22:04

Oh god at 14 I would definitely fill with water. The others will probably have drink with them 2.
Let her go fill with water and watch her reaction on return
If your friends with the other mum let her know to watch out for drinking

DramaAlpaca · 28/10/2021 22:04

When my DS did this at that age I grounded him. Unfortunately for him he was just about to leave the house when I asked to check his bag, only to discover a bottle of wine stolen from our wine rack in the bottom of his sleeping bag. There was no sleepover on that occasion.

meltingappointment · 28/10/2021 22:04

at the end of the day I do trust DD and her friends,

The hiding of alcohol in her bag didn't put a dent in that trust Hmm

Original poster
bertiebottseveryfalvourbeans · 28/10/2021 22:05

I also worry a bit about how long she might have been doing this for .. I just want to make sure shes safe as well

OP posts:
Borisjohnsonshairbrush · 28/10/2021 22:07

Oh I did this when I was 14 with Bacardi breezers... Ahhh watermelon flavour.

Seriously though, remove the booze, lecture her tomorrow but don't cancel the sleepover until you have had a chat with the other parents xx

FindingMeno · 28/10/2021 22:08

Eek.
Tricky but probably par for the course.
I would probably tell her in the morning that I'd found it and have a discussion. I wouldn't get angry or punish, just talk about it.
I'd let her go, minus Pimms if the parents are there, and explain I don't think she's bad, I wasn't snooping, but I would feel so worried and feel a lot of responsibility towards her friends. I would try to get her to understand that as a parent I want her to talk to me and I want her to be safe. I would also explain that I'm not going to fly off the handle at things and that I remember being a teenager and I am realistic about things and won't say no to things without an explanation.

Original poster
bertiebottseveryfalvourbeans · 28/10/2021 22:08

Im going to change it out for water and talk to her about it in the morning ... im not sure whether to let her go or not, I think shes going to be kept home though, she needs to know this is not okay ...
but im also slightly tempted to do what Andi 2020 said and then ground her after

OP posts:
MrsColon · 28/10/2021 22:08

Don't be the parent that allows the alcohol without all parents consenting, especially when it's not your house! If one of them pukes or whatever you'll be blamed, or your DD will be branded the troublemaker.

Empty it out, and tell DD via text once she's gone that you've done it, and if there's any drunken behaviour you'll be speaking to ALL her friends' parents. She might well be relieved you've given her an 'out' (I would've at that age, I found peer pressure to drink incredibly upsetting at that age).

Crimsonripple · 28/10/2021 22:09

Didn't you go and have a binge at 14? I know I did but my chosen spirit was vodka. It didn't turn me into a raging alcoholic or a routine binge drinker. Rightly or wrongly this is a teenager rite of passage. They'll take a few sips and realise it's pretty revolting! Maybe speak to her about it rather than go full throttle shouting and grounding her. You'll end up with a better relationship for it.

FindingMeno · 28/10/2021 22:10

Sorry that reads like she could take the pimps if the parents weren't there Shock
Better English would convey that I mean she could go if the parents were there, but she couldn't take the Pimms

FindingMeno · 28/10/2021 22:10

Ffs. Pimms. Not pimps

Original poster
bertiebottseveryfalvourbeans · 28/10/2021 22:10

Im not going to yell at her, thats just going to make this bigger than it needs to be, but Im not sure whether shes going to be grounded and for how long?? im mostly annoyed that she stole it from the cupboard

OP posts:
Crimsonripple · 28/10/2021 22:12

Be the mum that goes 'nu'uh missy you aren't taking this with you'. She'll likely be really sheepish. I wouldn't ban her from the sleepover. Maybe just have a quiet word with the parents to say you've confiscated the alcohol.

Snoopsnoggysnog · 28/10/2021 22:14

I really don’t agree with replacing it with water, you’re just entering into playing games with her.

Just have a conversation tomorrow morning. Tell her it isn’t on. I would have done this too at 16 ish but 14 is too young. Stop her from going to the sleepover if you think she needs to learn a lesson. Let her go if you think she’ll learn from this etc.

Crimsonripple · 28/10/2021 22:15

Perhaps say you're a little disappointed that she took it from the cupboard. Blindly obvious but maybe ask what their plans were etc... and just say there's plenty of time in a few years to try it.

Snoopsnoggysnog · 28/10/2021 22:15

Also I wouldn’t replace with water and send her a text while she’s there. That’s just messing with her head while she’ll be otherwise distracted and she’ll just get upset and confused.

Borisjohnsonshairbrush · 28/10/2021 22:16

I actually don't know an adult who hasn't done this as a teen, tbh even my dsd at 15 and my own DD will probably try at some point before 18 but don't ground her make her repay with housework or errands. Kids are finally able to socialise properly after covid and lived secluded for nearly a year as it is...

justaweeone · 28/10/2021 22:17

You need to talk to her about it
Then go from there

OverTheRubicon · 28/10/2021 22:19

Agree that 14 is too young. I'd also be very annoyed if a teen turned up to my house with alcohol - it's not safe for the kids and not fair to the other parents if they come in to find someone is seriously unwell (or if they're overall fine but leave the place in a state).

Is she otherwise great and this is a slip, or is it one in a series of events? I'd personally prefer to talk with her about it, take it away but let her go, because I'd be concerned that otherwise one day soon she'll get in a bad situation or have a bad feeling but not want to call you.

Bobbybobbins · 28/10/2021 22:21

Agree that 14 is too young especially as she is going to someone else's house. I wouldn't replace with water and not tell her as I think this makes it seem like a game or something but definitely have a serious chat with her. There is a big difference between doing this at 14 and 16/17 IMO.