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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

DD14 caught smuggling alcohol into a sleepover

100 replies

bertiebottseveryfalvourbeans · 28/10/2021 21:54

Hi all, im not sure what to do ...

my DD is going to a her friends early tommrow morning, and then staying there, having a sleepover there with 4 other girls (all close friends) (there will be six of them in total), and she has already packed her bag,
I accidentally kicked the bag when walking past her door and i heard a clink and the sound of liquid moving around so i opened it up, and lo and behold, there was a waterbottle full of Pimms nestled inbetween her pajamas! She was very tired today and has already fallen asleep, and i have no idea what to do!!

Do I wake her up and confront her about it?? Should I just tip it down the drain, fill it up with water and give her a nasty shock when she whipps it out tommrow night?? I also dont think I should tell my DH about this because he can absolutley blow his top about this kind of thing and it will just end in DD and him having a scream-off.

She is a pretty sensible girl and ive never caught her doing this before, I know i probably did stuff like this at her age, and she was just going to drink it with some girls weve known since she was 11 but she also stole it and is underage, so I dont think it should go unmentioned!

Not sure what to do, quick replies would be amazing! God it can be tricky parenting teenagers!

OP posts:

EdgeOfTheSky · 29/10/2021 08:42

I really don’t get these stupid ‘tricks’ like swapping it for water.

Obviously take it off her, and have a VERY serious talk about trust and alcohol.

That it is a breach of trust against you, and against the family being generous to host.

I would let her go, but I would tell the host parents that my Dd, at least, had been planning to bring alcohol.

But they will all be experimenting.

Pimms because it is sweet and fruity and mixes with lemonade. At least it is less alcoholic than vodka.

BigSandyBalls2015 · 29/10/2021 08:44

Pimms . Well at least it’s not vodka! Is she year 10? That’s when all this starts IME. Talk to her in the morning but don’t ground her.

I’m still pissed off that DD topped my expensive gin up with water … and that was 6 years ago.

Lonelymum21 · 29/10/2021 08:46

Ahh, reminds me of the vodka and ribena sleepovers of my youth! definitely give the other mum a heads up. I can't think of anything worse than a house full of drunk 14 year olds.

sashh · 29/10/2021 08:52

Do contact the hosting parents. They might consider asking about alcohol and confiscating from others.

Lanique · 29/10/2021 08:58

You are right to remove the alcohol, but FGS let her go to the sleepover and speak to your dd. Don't play games with her by filling up with water etc, it will only humiliate your dd in front of her friends. That's hardly mature and compassionate parenting. At the end of the day she's a teenager pushing boundaries and this is normal in my opinion.

Don't ban her from the sleepover, instead if you feel you know the host parents well enough, call them and explain what you've found and suggest they are vigilant. If you don't feel comfortable doing this then explain the dangers to your dd and question whether you can trust her to be sensible and make the right decision. Don't be that parent that bans your dd and then phones around all the other parents reporting and accusing their dds of doing the same, it's a sure-fire route to your dd's popularity and again, humiliation in front of her friends.

Lanique · 29/10/2021 08:58

That was meant to say a sure-fire route to UNpopularity!

Facespook · 29/10/2021 09:04

I do think 14 is a bit young for alcohol full stop.
The stealing and hiding aspect would bother me most.
I’d tell her I’d found it and how disappointed I was with her taking it.
Whether she went to the sleepover or not and whether I told the parents would depend on her reaction and response.

SeasonFinale · 29/10/2021 09:08

The others will be bringing alcohol too Inwoild guess so I would definitely alert the host parents so they can let other parents know.

00100001 · 29/10/2021 09:14

@Dinosaurwoman

Buy her some alcopops, she’s going to drunk anyway so make sure she’s safe. The alternative is that she hangs around a corner shop asking strangers to buy her alcohol and then she’ll drink it in the park. Having a Pumms at 14 isn’t the road to hell. You’d be better off having a conversation about not driving to much and personal safety,

What?

Buy your kids alcohol drinks so they can get drunk safely???

Why is she going to be drunk anyway? If OP confiscates the alcohol and alerts hist parents to check... Why would they be drunk as a given??

00100001 · 29/10/2021 09:18

I would take the alcohol, tell her Id found it, express my disappointment, ask her if the parents had agreed to this or not (if she says yes, then ask her why she felt the need to steal/not be honest with you. If she says no, ask her why she felt it ok to betray the trust of the adults hosting her etc)
Alert the parents,and tell her I was doing that.

Then allow her to go, and ask if she wants to safely try some alcohol etc we can have some at X event or she can have something with dinner on Saturday night etc.

DGFB · 29/10/2021 09:21

I’d talk to her about it but I wouldn’t stop her going.
This is all normal behaviour, I did the same at 14 and am a fully adjusted adult

Gonnagetgoing · 29/10/2021 09:39

@Crimsonripple

Didn't you go and have a binge at 14? I know I did but my chosen spirit was vodka. It didn't turn me into a raging alcoholic or a routine binge drinker. Rightly or wrongly this is a teenager rite of passage. They'll take a few sips and realise it's pretty revolting! Maybe speak to her about it rather than go full throttle shouting and grounding her. You'll end up with a better relationship for it.

Depends on teenagers. At parties where we sneaked or stole drink we liked it (Thunderbird etc) and certainly didn't have a few sips.

Seeing one of my DB's close friends get paralytic at 15 on booze and having to have his stomach pumped made me realise booze can be dangerous. Also dangers of being sick after drinking and choking on vomit - I was sick after drinking lots of wine as a teenager, a couple of times, usually at parties.

SpookyPumpkinPants · 29/10/2021 09:41

I accidentally kicked the bag when walking past her door and i heard a clink and the sound of liquid moving around so i opened it up, and lo and behold, there was a waterbottle full of Pimms nestled inbetween her pajamas!

I think you need to get this part of your story straight before you talk to DD. A water bottle nestled in her PJ's doesn't clink! Why were you looking through her bag?

I'd say she chose the pimms because she thought it less likely you'd noticed that having been significantly reduced!

Although it's not goid she raided your drinks, it's better than having shop lifted! & probably indicates that this is the first or one of the first times she's done it, unless you have loads of bottles of almost empty booze!!

I'd talk to her, I'd decide about her going, depending on the outcome of the conversation.

Gonnagetgoing · 29/10/2021 09:41

@BigSandyBalls2015

Pimms

. Well at least it’s not vodka! Is she year 10? That’s when all this starts IME. Talk to her in the morning but don’t ground her.

I’m still pissed off that DD topped my expensive gin up with water … and that was 6 years ago.

I recall at 15 babysitting for the posh couple locally who told me to 'help myself' - I had a swig with a friend whom I'd invited round - of Pimms and we both thought it was vile!

Had no idea it tasted so nice with fruit and lemonade until a few years later!

LightDrizzle · 29/10/2021 10:00

It’s relatively normal for her to try and it is normal and right for you to foil her efforts and for there to be consequences.
Tell her why it was wrong and contact the host parents. They need a heads-up because it is possible that they’ve all agreed to do this and they need to know as they are the ones with children at risk of aspiration in their sleep in their house.
I’d stop her going to this sleepover as punishment, but that would be it.

chocolatecerealcampingbrekkie · 29/10/2021 10:30

Empty the booze down the sink and fill it with tap water and maybe squash obviously tell the other mother what you have done. Ask her how her sleepover went when she gets home, did she enjoy her drink etc.

chocolatecerealcampingbrekkie · 29/10/2021 10:34

Also please be aware you can get into a lot of trouble supplying alcohol to an underage minor who is not your own child.

TheYearOfSmallThings · 29/10/2021 10:35

In my day it was Archers Peach Schnapps and lemonade.

Obviously remove the Pimms, tell her you're not impressed and if it happens again you will have to stop her going on sleepovers.

HelloDulling · 29/10/2021 10:40

I think you need to get this part of your story straight before you talk to DD. A water bottle nestled in her PJ's doesn't clink! Why were you looking through her bag?

A metal bottle, like a Chilly or other thermal one, would def clink against a hard floor, or a hairbrush, a bunch of keys, or anything else hard when the bag was moved.

TheDuchessOfDork · 29/10/2021 10:45

I did exactly this at the same age (except mine was vodka, pinched from my mums drinks cabinet... the whole -small- bottle how I thought I'd get away with that being missing I have no idea).

Mum heard the bottle clink as I put my bag in the car when we were on our way for her to drop me off. Made me open the bag, obviously found it and gave me a huge bollocking.

Sleepover was off, I was grounded, the other parents were called (our parents all knew each other really well as we'd been friends since infant school) to alert them to the fact we'd been planning on drinking. When the other two arrived the hosting parents checked their bags too, found their stash and sent them home. All parents agreed on a group punishment - we were all grounded for the same amount of time and we were all also told we collectively weren't allowed to go to the underage clubbing night at the local club we'd bought tickets for the following month which we were gutted about.

Didn't stop us drinking in the future mind, but we never stole from our parents again and we never tried to sneak it at a sleepover either because they all checked out bags every time after that until we were 18!

We're still friends now (at nearly 40!) and on the odd occasion that we see each other's parents (at weddings, christenings etc) they still laugh about what little sods we were!

I'd advise taking the same route as our parents did OP! Collective group punishment if you know the parents.

EdgeOfTheSky · 29/10/2021 12:27

@chocolatecerealcampingbrekkie

Also please be aware you can get into a lot of trouble supplying alcohol to an underage minor who is not your own child.

Yes, if you buy alcohol on behalf of an under 18 year old. Or give alcohol to a child under the age of 5.

Give a 14 year old a small drink with a meal in your home, not against the law at all.

Original poster

bertiebottseveryfalvourbeans · 29/10/2021 13:46

this morning when she was downstairs eating her breakfast i looked her right in the eye and asked her whether she had "borrowed" anything from the kitchen she shouldn't have and she looked pretty sheepish and admitted it, as it was pretty obvious I knew. I also had to talk to her about how it was a. Illegal, b. stealing, c. possibly dangerous, especially as they are young girls.

I said that no matter what happens she is pretty much grounded for a fortnight (slight exaggeration), and from now on I'm going to have to be checking her bag whenever shes going out with her friends. And she was also given two options for tonight
A) she can either go to the sleepover, but I will have to tell all the other parents
B) She stays in tonight but the other parents remained none the wiser

She chose to stay in tonight, I think she was worried about getting her other mates in trouble with their parents and I think its what I would have done. Tonight we will just watch some telly and go to bed, thankfully no yelling involved.

OP posts:

Snoopsnoggysnog · 29/10/2021 23:23

Think you handled it well OP

chocolatecerealcampingbrekkie · 30/10/2021 16:05

Yeah well aware of the law thanks

RosieRoww · 30/10/2021 16:08

You handle it well op. 🌸🌸

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