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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

How can I stop her from nicking stuff?

47 replies

SquonkaClaus · 10/12/2007 10:34

Hiding chocolate and biscuits works, but I can't hide everything

It's petty and silly stuff and I really wouldn't mind if she asked, but she just takes and it is getting to be a real problem.

eg: she took the ribbon that I was going to wrap round the Christmas prezzies. She hung it in her room with her christmas cards on. I would have let her have it, or something similar if she had asked.

she takes my make up if I don't hide it away.

She nicked my gloves because her hands were cold. If she'd asked, I would have gladly given her my gloves, bought her a pair, whatever, but she just took them.

She ate her brother and sister's chocolate coins. (she had her own packet, she just ate her siblings' as well)

I've tried talking to her, I've tried yelling at her, I've tried reasoning with her, I've tried stealing it back when she's not in her room, I've tried nicking her stuff. Anyone got any other ideas?

OP posts:
Notyummy · 10/12/2007 10:42

I have vague memories of being a rather 'light-fingered' teenager myself. (only at home...) TBH, you appear to have tried the more reasonable end of the spectrum, so I think you have to get hardcore. What would she miss it were removed from her?? Mobile/tv/IPOD etc etc. Tell her next time she takes something that isn't hers without permission, then it will be confiscated for a day/a week. Then make sure you do it. I'm sure it will result in almighty strops, but it wont kill her.

Original poster
SquonkaClaus · 10/12/2007 10:48

I think I will try that one after christmas. At the moment she has nothing (god, mum I've got nothing) that is worth anything apparently, and nothing that she cares about (I mean, god, mum, why would I want that?) grr!

Have you rang your mum and apologised profusely for being a thieving little git when you were younger?

OP posts:
ISawSantaKissingKerrysNorks · 10/12/2007 10:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
SquonkaClaus · 10/12/2007 10:53

ooh, I never thought about pleading ignorance! good one I'll give that a go

OP posts:
Notyummy · 10/12/2007 11:07

I've never actually apologised for the nicking bit! The underage drinking/general rudeness and self-centredness I have aplogised for. TBH I think I was fairly standard as a teenager (a bit of a Kevin the teenager....horrendous at home, but friends and teachers would say' but ny is SUCH a lovely girl') Was horrid for 3 years, but still passed all my exams etc and by the time I hit 17 and moved out to go to uni, got on famously with parents.

There MUST be something she treasures. Books/make-up/clothes. Keep an eye on what she habitually wears and make that the tax. My dad removed the plug on my tv and then my stereo for various misdemeanours. That REALLY pissed me off, because it was still there staring at me, but I couldn't use it. My Aha cassette went unplayed for DAYS.....

Original poster
SquonkaClaus · 10/12/2007 11:16

you mean you actually wanted to listen to morten harket? I just wanted to look at him

I think removing the plug is a good idea, like you say, it is there, staring at you yet you can't use it. Perhaps I should nick her phone charger and she will gradually realise that it has gone...

OP posts:
jura · 10/12/2007 11:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SantasSmartArse · 10/12/2007 14:39

Oh, it is so lovely to hear that other people have the same problem! Sadly, Squonka, I've no idea what the answer is, but I also suffer the same. Everything disappears into the black hole that is DD1 (13)'s bedroom. I offer to help her tidy, but she declines, and I'm certain it's because she knows I'll find all sorts of "missing" things. And I'm fed up to the back teeth of finding empty chocolate/sweet wrappers behind her bed, under her pillow, stuffed into unused handbags ... [sigh] I just hope and pray her thieving doesn't extend further outside the home.

goingfriggincrazy · 10/12/2007 16:12

Got the same problem with my daughter too,bedroom full of crisp wrappers in and under bed,in desk...the room is manky beyond belief but I won't touch it,its her doing and she can sleep in it while it festers.
Get sick of the pinching..make-up,new nail varnishes-even my new knickers .

Don't know what to suggest,as I'm having major rows and sh*tty attitude with mine atm..

Original poster
SquonkaClaus · 10/12/2007 16:49

we should start a "stroppy, thieving, 'orrible teenager support group"

Glad it's not just me. I get so wound up by her. She knows exactly which buttons to press to get me going... grr!

OP posts:
jura · 10/12/2007 20:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

pantoinghousewife · 10/12/2007 20:32

Ds went through a thieving phase aswell, (was money....my money), so you're not alone and plenty of other teens are light fingered aswell. I shamed ds, I told my family and he was horrified that I told his grandparents. He's not done it again...so far.
Not suggesting you do that, mind, what works for one, won't necessarily have the desired effect on another. And it depends how much you mind her nicking your make up, biccies etc.

goingfriggincrazy · 10/12/2007 21:25

Joins Squonks support group...

Do you think we will all have that wild eyed manic look about us?

[winks]

SantasWhiskers · 10/12/2007 21:41

My dd did this for a while in primary school She stole money from our room a few quid at a time so it had mounted up by the time we realised (we spent a good few weeks rummaging frantically for bus fare to work thinking 'but I was sure I had change')

Once we'd caught her other things came to light - jewellery etc. Worst was when she came home from her dad's house all upset & came downstairs with a pile of cut-up school jotters. Turned out she'd lifted them from the classroom & cut them up to draw on but they were all half-full of her classmates' work! She'd admitted it to her dad who told her not to worry, he'd sort it I lost it & marched her into school early next morning with the books & made her tell the head teacher what she'd done. Her class teacher also made her stand up in front of the class while she (teacher) told everyone what had happened to their jotters. Then I took a morning off work & hauled her off to speak to the community policeman who took all her details (& mine - I was mortified). He was brilliant & put the fear of god in her, telling her that if it happened again all I had to do was call him & he'd come & lift her & take her up to the cells.

She's in high school now & seems to have stopped but if she starts it again I'll be making that call.

Blandmum · 10/12/2007 21:44

Her bedroom door.

If she nicks something, take her door. the message being, no privacy unless I can trust you.

When she stops nicking stuff, she gets the door back

pantoinghousewife · 10/12/2007 21:44

Ha ha SW, I like that, I did tell ds if he ever did it again, I'd stick a 'wanted..Thief'poster up in our window.

notsofarnow · 10/12/2007 22:09

oh so glad its not just my daughter. I don't have one item of makeup to my name, and she hasn't had it. My problem is I have two teenage daughters on is constantly found out as being the liar but when something goes missing i can't assume that the one has it without the proof. But all I get off the other one is well its usually her that has it but I think that sometimes that is a get out clause.

Drives me mental.

jura · 10/12/2007 22:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
SquonkaClaus · 11/12/2007 09:21

I threatened the taking the door off thing (but in our house it was for when she slammed a door)

So, I get upstairs with my screwdriver, all ready to take off the door, only to discover that all the screws have about six layers of paint on them!

So next time I went up with the hammer, screwdriver and chisel - she nicked the fecking hammer when I wasn't looking!

aaarrrggghh!!!

(she's SO nice for everyone else though, if I didn't tell dp or my mum how she was behaving, they would think she was a perfect kid!)

OP posts:
Loshad · 11/12/2007 09:50

can i join please. ds1 nicked a bag of chocolate coins intended for the refillable advent calender, when i confronted him and said he owed me he just goes "money is on the table, help yourself" aaargh
wretched boy

Original poster
SquonkaClaus · 11/12/2007 09:53

make sure you never leave any real money lying around!

they're little sods, the lot of them, aren't they!

OP posts:
goingfriggincrazy · 11/12/2007 09:55

think my purse has been rifled through this morning sighs.......keep forgetting to count out all my change and check-ffs I shouldn't have to do this.She denied all knowledge of it but DS claims her saw her going through it...

goingfriggincrazy · 11/12/2007 09:56

Father Christmas has a sack load of coal to deliver to our house...

Original poster
SquonkaClaus · 11/12/2007 09:56

you're right, you shouldn't have to do it.

We went through a stage of hiding all our money from her. I don't think she's taken any cash recently so we're getting a bit lax, should tighten up again really.

OP posts:
goingfriggincrazy · 11/12/2007 10:00

Trouble is..you never know with small change,theres always bits lying about and quite often it vanishes into thin air (I then have to call up DH to check and see if hes taken it for petrol etc)

Arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

My stress levels are fecking HUGE atm.