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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Help. DS (13) been getting porn sites from school mate and has had a look see...

42 replies

AnonRegular · 25/11/2007 14:49

Right hopefully my name has changed for this.

DS is 13, nice lad, no vices, as a family we're pretty liberal, open and get on well.
But this afternoon... I was on the pc, doing ebay and flitting backwards anf fwds, ds jumped on between my stint there as he often does.
Come back to find he has got some pretty full on porn sites up - a quick overreaction later we do a full search and see that over the last 2 mths, ds has accessed a few of the following...

girl on girl (graphic video) and other varied stuff but that above is prob the most hard core.

Ok I'm no prude, have no issues with his grwoing sexuality and curiousity.
Did full explanation of how pc is not to be used for it. and had full and frank discussion etc

But the issue I'm struggling with is this

The site address was given to him by a school mate, we know who.
We do not want to tell school about it, but think it would be responsible to tell the other kids parents too.
So... any thoughts?

OP posts:
FluffyMummy123 · 25/11/2007 14:50

Message withdrawn

dd666 · 25/11/2007 14:53

bump sorry i dont have ant wise words

FluffyMummy123 · 25/11/2007 14:54

Message withdrawn

Original poster
AnonRegular · 25/11/2007 14:56

would like to spare him the school thing, both of the kids are good lads.
But....
then again

ants lol ants in ihs pants

OP posts:
turquoise · 25/11/2007 14:56

Poor you.

I would tell the parents - I'd want to know if it was my son.

zippitippitoes · 25/11/2007 14:59

I think they all do it tbh..i just used to say and don't look at porn

FluffyMummy123 · 25/11/2007 15:05

Message withdrawn

FluffyMummy123 · 25/11/2007 15:05

Message withdrawn

Original poster
AnonRegular · 25/11/2007 15:10

if the school find out, there will be suspensions I kid you not

OP posts:
sugarfree · 25/11/2007 15:10

I've been in exactly this situation with DS1 but he was probably about 12.

I did phone the other mum but only because we've known the other family since pre-school days.I don't know if it would have been as easy with a stranger.

I don't object to porn per se,I do strongly object to porn on the family pc,which all of use,icluding his younger brothers.

I don't expect to find 'Nuts' or 'Zoo' or whatever on the kitchen table so I don't want it on the family pc screen either.

I think its unreasonable to expect teenage boys to not look at porn.Problem is that the really hard core stuff is much easier for them to access now.

Original poster
AnonRegular · 25/11/2007 15:10

we had thought about asking the school to do it without revealing ds but think it highly unlikely that would work tbh

OP posts:
FluffyMummy123 · 25/11/2007 15:11

Message withdrawn

sugarfree · 25/11/2007 15:12

Why will there be suspensions from school about something that happened at home?

sugarfree · 25/11/2007 15:12

What do you mean what happened Cod?

Original poster
AnonRegular · 25/11/2007 15:12

suagrfree that is exactly my opinion too.
We have two younger kids around as well.
I am happy to even furnish him with a lighter paper alternative, however now he has seen something a little racier... stable door, horse has bolted ITSWIM

OP posts:
Original poster
AnonRegular · 25/11/2007 15:13

because the head is an arsehole sugar basically

OP posts:
FluffyMummy123 · 25/11/2007 15:14

Message withdrawn

sugarfree · 25/11/2007 15:15

Problem is you can't make them not look at stuff when it's 'out there' at the click of a mouse.
You can stop them doing at home,easily,but there will always be homes where the pc is not monitered.

Original poster
AnonRegular · 25/11/2007 15:17

oh trust me this pc is very well monitored now

OP posts:
sugarfree · 25/11/2007 15:23

Why on earth are you going to tell the Head?

Cod,we had a discussion,Dh,Ds and I about porn,pretty much what I've outlined above-look at tits and fannies if you want,its cool,but not where the rest of us(especially ds2 and 3)might inadvertantly get a looksee. We also had a talk about the harder stuff and our opinions on it.Ultimately though it is up to him.I can't control an almost adults sexuality.Ifhe wants to watch whatever,he will find a way somehow.

The friend was put through a similar discussion at his house I believe,'cept he got a bollocking for being devious enough to use someone else's pc.

Certainly didn't involve school,what on earth would they say-"oooh sorry Mrs.Sugar.We will need to take the plug off your pc for allowing hormone fuelled minors access while you nipped out for milk"?

sugarfree · 25/11/2007 15:26

TBH,I think the very frank discussion with me and his dad may well have turned him celibate.
This is a kid who almost dies if I sing to Depeche Mode in the car with the window open a half inch"!

Original poster
AnonRegular · 25/11/2007 15:28

erm the head deals with all disciplinary stuff... and I would have to go through him to get the other boys parents notified... who else at the school would I deal with?
I am not intending to go through the school however
DH has just dragged ds out to find a friend who knows of this other friends address and we are dealing with it directly.

OP posts:
Original poster
AnonRegular · 25/11/2007 15:31

we had the threaten ds with school as he was refusing to find out his friends phone number...
I just wondered if anyone would support telling the school as that's where they are exchanging the info.

OP posts:
sugarfree · 25/11/2007 15:34

Ah,I see! Much better idea,although the Head obviously doesn't have enough to do if he gets involved in stuff that goes on at home.

I hope get the same response from the other parents that we did.

sugarfree · 25/11/2007 15:35

How would the school stop them exchanging the info though?