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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Wild swimming.

84 replies

malificent7 · 17/06/2021 05:40

Dd (13) wants to go wild swimming with a group of mates in a well known local spot for swimming...very slow river.
Whilst on the surfave it seems like a lovely thing to do I am concerned for the following reasons;
It is a 25 min drive from our house in a rural village.
She dosn't want me or any other adults around which means if anything happens i will be out of reach.
She is a fair swimmer but the banks can be hard to get out of.

I told her no but there was a massive scene saying all the other parents are letting their kids go so why can't I.
I have let her go to a local town on the bus alone but i feel uneasy about a remote spot. There are always lots of swimmers there though.

Am I being over protective?
At what age can i let her go wild swimming with mates unsupervised as it is a lovely thing for kids to do but atm i feel she and her mates are too ditsy/ immature to handle a crisis?

OP posts:
doucey · 17/06/2021 05:42

Far too young, swimming especially wild swimming can quickly turn dangerous for adults let alone children. Stick to your gut feel on this one OP you aren't being over protective.

toto23 · 17/06/2021 05:56

Not a chance .

There's a reservoir type water area near me, so many children get into difficulty because of the water temperature and not realising there's weeds that they can get tangled in.

Deaths are that bad children in the area are getting water safety training at school.

FindingMeno · 17/06/2021 05:57

That's a tricky one.
With all the rain expected, rivers can change rapidly so not something I would agree to at the moment.
We never get to make decisions like this in a void because our dc's are always so keen to tell us what other dc's are 'allowed' to do. ( whether they are allowed to, or just do it anyway is another story)
I would be up for negotiation I think, but my stance would be that unless we can find a way to know she is understanding of the dangers, capable of knowing what to do or how to get help, and that a responsible adult would be somewhere reasonably available if needed, it would be a no from me.
I would explain my worries, tell her I want her to go, but we need to find a way to make that happen realistically.

Winkywonkydonkey · 17/06/2021 06:00

Tricky as I was definitely wild swimming a lot younger than that growing up in a rural area in the 80s. But that was the 80s.

I'd suggest she join something a bit more structured like a paddle boarding group or kayaking with a club. They will also (hopefully) teach some water safety.

TooHotSendHelp · 17/06/2021 07:46

I have seen a lot of Facebook posts from the mother of Dylan Ramsay who died after experiencing cold water shock while swimming in a quarry.

It's not unusual, when it's hot, to see reports of teenagers drowning in rivers, lakes and quarries so it would have to be a no from me

Original poster
malificent7 · 17/06/2021 08:40

Apparently I am ruining her birthday plans. She disn't want any afult supervision. ( makes me wonder why tbh). Also why are 15 of her friends patents allowing their kids to do this?
I am torn as i think wild swimming is good for kids ...with supervision.

OP posts:
museumum · 17/06/2021 08:43

It’s a tricky one. Are any of them lifesaving trained? Many swim clubs do water safety / survival skills.
I’m guessing if it’s remote there are no life buoys there? In which case I’d want someone to have a throwbag with them. Though even still i’d be worried at their age.

Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 17/06/2021 08:44

Nope, not a chance. I know 3 people who have drowed in small rivers. 2 were adults (19 and 24 uear old men), one was a 12 year old boy.
Water is dangerous, you can't see the currents underneath from the surface. It may look calm, but it's impossible to really tell, especially as a child, in a group of children messing around.

HasaDigaEebowai · 17/06/2021 08:47

Wild swimming is no better for kids than any other swimming. It’s just a romanticised view of life. It’s dangerous and it puts potential strain on emergency services. I suspect 15 other sets of parents haven’t agreed it, they just haven’t all been consulted. Teens, unpredictable river conditions and river content, probable alcohol and vast amounts of showing off and silliness are a recipe for potential disaster

FindingMeno · 17/06/2021 08:49

@malificent7 assuming all the parents do know, every child has said all the other parents agree to their own parents probably.
Even if they've said " possibly" or "hmm, talk to me later" Wink
I would do some serious reasonable talking. Ask your dd to put herself in your shoes etc.
Talk about currents, weeds, undersurface rubbish, effluent in rivers, weils disease etc.

Iamapanda · 17/06/2021 08:49

Let her go. Life is for having adventures, be pleased that she has friends and wants to get out and live life. Better than sitting on an x box.

WhatIsThisPlease · 17/06/2021 08:51

My DP is a firefighter and has been to two drownings in the past three months. Both people were 'out for a swim'.

No. Just no.

Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 17/06/2021 08:54

@Iamapanda

Let her go. Life is for having adventures, be pleased that she has friends and wants to get out and live life. Better than sitting on an x box.
Yes, I can imagine drowning would be quite the adventure.
Iamapanda · 17/06/2021 08:55

So never let them do anything, lock them up in their bedrooms. FFS do they even walk to school? They could get run over.

Mumdiva99 · 17/06/2021 08:55

I love wild swimming. My eldest is 13 and a good swimmer. I wouldn't let him go with friends without me yet.

I don't think he has the maturity or experience to look at the river and if it has raised or is faster because of rain to say 'not today' and walk away. I would also be concerned that his friends may not be as competent in swimming as he is and I don't want his safety compromised by another child getting into difficulty.
At 13 - you can go with friends but I am driving you and I will sit where I can see you in the river. You can pretend you don't know me and not talk to me but...when I say time to go you come home no argument.

Or I'll drop you at the local swimming pool and you can go there instead without me. (I may suggest driving them to a fun pool a little further away).

Iamapanda · 17/06/2021 08:56

I live by the sea and see teens out all the time having a great time in the water with their friends. OP said there are other people around, they aren't going to be isolated.

Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 17/06/2021 08:59

@Iamapanda

So never let them do anything, lock them up in their bedrooms. FFS do they even walk to school? They could get run over.
Who said that? Kids should have plenty of freedom. That freedom shouldn't involve wild swimming.
cupsofcoffee · 17/06/2021 09:01

@Iamapanda

I live by the sea and see teens out all the time having a great time in the water with their friends. OP said there are other people around, they aren't going to be isolated.
I do too, and every year people (often teens) get into trouble in the water and need rescuing (at best).
Mumdiva99 · 17/06/2021 09:02

@Iamapanda and that is a massive plus of being by the coast. It also means that the kods have probably grown up near the water, know the water and are used to it.

In our town whilst some people wild swim all the time, the majority only ever do it when the weather is unusually hot. That to me increases the risk factor as they are not experienced ...... oh I wish I lived near the sea....

Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 17/06/2021 09:03

@Iamapanda

I live by the sea and see teens out all the time having a great time in the water with their friends. OP said there are other people around, they aren't going to be isolated.
I nearly drowned in the sea in spain at 15, with loads of other people around. No one even seemed to notice what was happening, I eventually managed to recover myself. OP has no way of knowing if other people will be around on that particular day or if they would even notice if something happened.
Original poster
malificent7 · 17/06/2021 09:05

I can see both sides...i want her to do outdoorsy stuff and live the " country life". Weather day before is rain so I might be tempted to say wait till a dry spell. So what age is the right age?

OP posts:
BiBabbles · 17/06/2021 09:06

Well, she wouldn't be able to control if there are adults or anyone else there, so that's unrealistic to start with. The 'wild swim' places near me are popular sunbathing and walking spots for adults, and even then there are a lot of kids who end up in trouble in the waters. We've stories all the time of nearly drowned teens, every few years there is one where the nearly sadly isn't part of it.

Maybe an open swim venue or similar as a compromise? Be a bit more faff, have to book in for now, and have expenses, but there would be staff on hand even if the parents weren't around.

barnanabas · 17/06/2021 09:07

It'd be a (reluctant) no from me as a bottom line. But I'd try to find a way to make it work - discreet supervision, a handy older-cousin-lifeguard etc.
Obviously, you can't eliminate risk completely, but it's a judgement call and I think I would sit that side of it.
We live by the sea, so this type of situation comes up a lot. My young teens are allowed to swim with their friends at the lifeguarded beach, or with supervision. They also have to wear flotation aids if they are out on paddleboards etc. A lot of their friends don't, and the strongest swimmer DD in particular has been quite cross about it, but we've stuck to our boundary.

cupsofcoffee · 17/06/2021 09:08

She can be outdoorsy with supervision Smile

MonaChopsis · 17/06/2021 09:08

My 11 yr old DD goes swimming at the local river on her own with friends. I think the risks are minimal, and are vastly outweighed by the benefits of independence.

We manage risks by making sure she takes her phone (if the river looks higher than normal she video calls me to check it) and I only let her go on her own if its been a few dry days so I'm pretty sure the water level will be low. On an average summer day there will be 20-40 locals there... I'm more concerned about anti-social behaviour than I am about drowning (another reason she has her phone!)

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