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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Son takes £180 out of the cash machine the day he gets paid every month for this year

147 replies

Lee2628 · 07/12/2020 22:06

Thoughts? His 17 lives in our house for free as well as food paid for so what could this be?

OP posts:
RayOfSunshine2013 · 08/12/2020 17:36

Why are you loooking at your sons bank statements? Surely his earnings are his issue, unless hes always have ink to ask you for money and borrowing, his finances aren’t your business.

MummytoCSJH · 08/12/2020 17:42

None of your business, and stop snooping at his bank statements. Honestly Hmm

BackforGood · 08/12/2020 19:34

So, are you going to ask him ? and admit you have been going through hi bank statements ?

Twillow · 08/12/2020 19:41

@jessstan1

How silly to jump to the conclusion that he is buying drugs. He would show definite signs of drug taking if that was the case.

You should not have looked at your son's bank statement and drawing £180 a month is not a great deal of cash; you say he draws other odd amounts at times. Having a bit of cash is handy for all sorts of things, not just drugs.

I never knew what my son spent his money on at that age and it wouldn't have occurred to me to worry about it. He had £120 per calendar month from me and whatever he earned from Saturday and holiday job. What he did with it was his business.

It's really not a silly conclusion. Smoking weed is, sadly to me, pretty endemic amongst youngsters now. Many people on here have said that £180 lines up with a month's usage. People don't buy their drugs online, you know - it's always cash. He wouldn't necessarily be showing signs of drug use. Most weed smokers ALSO hold down jobs (have to, it costs a lot!) and only smoke in the evening. If you don't know the signs, large cigarette papers is a dead giveaway. The smell is very strong and distinctive, personally I find it vile but it wouldn't necessarily be detectable after a period of time if someone has been smoking outdoors. There aren't really any other distinctive signs of use like there are with being drunk, maybe just appearing more relaxed and carefree.
Blueuggboots · 08/12/2020 22:05

He's got a secret love child.

He's got a job and lives rent free??! He'd have a shock if I was his mum!!! He's be paying me rent.

PatriciaPerch · 08/12/2020 22:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Heyahun · 08/12/2020 22:39

Lolz he’s definitely saving up to move out and never speak to his mother again I’d imagine

Twistered · 08/12/2020 23:59

@Twillow. .......... "People don't buy their drugs online, you know"

Eh yes they do. Quite a lot actually!

PatriciaPerch · 09/12/2020 00:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Hawkins001 · 09/12/2020 00:27

It.could be a number of things although cash doesn't leave a paper trail.

Requinblanc · 09/12/2020 00:31

How do you know? do you have access to his account?

I would simply have a chat with him and share your concerns. He might use that money to buy clothes or food, drinks, travel when out with his mates.

Or he might use it for alcohol/drugs/cigarettes.

I think you on thin ice if you were prying and spied on his bank statement though...

Seriously if you have a happy, reasonably well-adjusted teen just let him be. If his general behaviour concerns you then talk to him...

jessstan1 · 09/12/2020 00:37

Twillow: "Smoking weed is, sadly to me, pretty endemic amongst youngsters now. "

It wasn't uncommon when I was young (I'm 70), and when my 41 year old son and his friends were young it was very common.

What I think is silly for people to jump to the conclusion that this young chap draws out cash every month to buy drugs. We have no idea what he spends it on but it sounds like petty cash to me. If he was buying drugs for cash he's be drawing out more than that for his day to day spends.

Poorlykitten · 09/12/2020 07:19

Who draws out money anymore for their ‘daily spends’? ...for months now we are using contactless for nearly everything due to covid. No one I know has cash on them....unless it’s for something very specific.

BeakyWinder · 09/12/2020 07:23

My first thought was child maintenance.

LimitIsUp · 09/12/2020 11:39

"I can't honestly believe someone who cares so much to micro manage their sons life would kick them out for buying a class B drug which is legal in parts of Europe"

Also legal in Canada and parts of the US, and imo far less harmful than that potent and damaging, but socially and legally acceptable drug - alcohol

TyroTerf · 09/12/2020 11:47

he draws 180 out every month then pays via his card for everything else eg all his other money is used on his card but sometimes he draws at weirdly specific amounts like £25 and £45 on the odd occasions

Sounds like he buys an ounce to see him through the month but has to top up with a q or henry now and again.

If it were any other amounts then it could be spends for anything, but those specific numbers? Dealers don't usually accept card payments, even in the 21st century.

jessstan1 · 09/12/2020 22:41

@Poorlykitten

Who draws out money anymore for their ‘daily spends’? ...for months now we are using contactless for nearly everything due to covid. No one I know has cash on them....unless it’s for something very specific.
During the pandemic, I think most people don't need much cash but at other times it's handy to have some. Personally, I love cash! For some reason it makes me feel rich even though I'm not.
Llareggub · 09/12/2020 23:01

I don’t know what it might be for but as he’s a teenager I really hope he’s enjoying it.

Salty2020 · 09/12/2020 23:22

@TyroTerf

he draws 180 out every month then pays via his card for everything else eg all his other money is used on his card but sometimes he draws at weirdly specific amounts like £25 and £45 on the odd occasions

Sounds like he buys an ounce to see him through the month but has to top up with a q or henry now and again.

If it were any other amounts then it could be spends for anything, but those specific numbers? Dealers don't usually accept card payments, even in the 21st century.

Exactly. Some people are so naive. Specific amounts every time.... for meal deals Grin LOL.

It’s so obviously weed.
OP you sound quite naive to want to kick him out for this, so you probably haven’t realised how easy it is to hide this habit. Probably think he’d come in spaced off his tits unable to string a sentence together Hmm it’s really not like that. Been there, done that. The fact it’s cash, his age and those specific amounts all adds up to meaning only one thing.

MrsRockAndRoll · 09/12/2020 23:22

Why don't you offer to do a budget with him?

WeAllHaveWings · 09/12/2020 23:35

My mum invading my privacy looking in my room or opening mail caused irreparable damage to our relationship. It was so pathetic I ended up buying a locked box to keep things in, never sharing things with her or going to her for help or advice when I really needed it.

OP you had 17 years to teach him about managing money, drugs, responsibility. He is a working young man now. You need to back off and stop prying.

jessstan1 · 10/12/2020 00:02

@WeAllHaveWings

My mum invading my privacy looking in my room or opening mail caused irreparable damage to our relationship. It was so pathetic I ended up buying a locked box to keep things in, never sharing things with her or going to her for help or advice when I really needed it.

OP you had 17 years to teach him about managing money, drugs, responsibility. He is a working young man now. You need to back off and stop prying.

I couldn't wait to leave home for the same reason.

(I thought the op's son was at college or doing an apprenticeship.)

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