Help, I lost my' besty' / child

[Teddy06]

Hello,

I thought teens would be exciting and obviously all those chats we had about talking always and always being close would be true..haha!

We are at the start of puberty and I am really struggling (as I know he is)...the constant arguments, not being able to say or do anything without being told to 'Just stop' 'Shut up' etc etc.

I knew this would happen, other people joke about stroppy teenagers/ not speaking / time in room,. I just don't think I was prepared for it. We have been together almost every day for 14 years and it feels like that within the space of two weeks that little boy has completely gone and in his place a young boy has appeared that gets annoyed by almost every single thing I say or do.

I know that I have to let him find his way and be there no matter what, but bloody hell it really hurts and I have cried almost every day (in private....I'm crying now). I hope this doesn't sound massively needy and clingy, I'm not. I am just used to this very close / funny / giggly relationship and it's practically gone overnight and I'm grieving.

I haven't posted on Mumsnet before so forgive me if you reply and I don't find it straightaway, I just wanted to get support from other mums that have been through this or are going through it. I know he'll come back, but I'm so sad to have lost that other relationship and just need to suck it up and get through it somehow.

Thanks x

Welcome to my world. I’ve felt this way for rue last year when mine was 14. I was told by 15 it starts to wear off. We’re there now... so far I see worse than better

Really glad I've seen this thread. The heart break is awful. I too, was completely unprepared for how painful it would feel. It seems to happen overnight. We are about 5 months in and learning to adapt and parent differently. I still have days when I cry, I am so sad. I read 'How to talk so Teens will listen and listen so teens will talk.' It helped me to communicate differently with my new teen, however, I'm still learning and making mistakes.

My dd is 16 and a right stroppy cow most of the time! I don't take it personally though. One of the things that drove me and my parents apart when I was a teen was the fact that they acted like I was so weird and unusual and made me feel like a freak when in fact I was a pretty standard teenager! I have read a lot about teens and the changing brain so get what happens and accept that she will break away for a while. I never tolerate rudeness though and if she told me to shut up she would get short shrift! It may be tough being a teen but doesn't mean she can treat people like shit. I tell her off for rude behaviour to anyone including her brother who she currently hates.

I know what you mean... I have two teenagers... My 16 year old dd made me cry quite a few times in the beginning. It's the hurtful comments, the being shut down... Takes a bit of getting used to

She is getting a bit better now (logjt at thr end of thr tunnel) and at least I can tell her 'you are being really rude now' and she sees it. We also at times make jokes about it.

Ds1 is different but he is very sarcastic and dismissed almost everything I say. Neither of them come out of their rooms much these days, unless forced to.

My younger two are 11 and nearly 13 and I know what's coming now. I hope the other two will have grown out of their worse when those two kick off. Its been quite tiring at times but they can be great when in the right mood, and still enjoyed some good family times!!