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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

DS physically attacked me

131 replies

boxingday · 26/12/2019 13:04

We came home after spending the day with family and got into an argument. DS (15) put me in a headlock and threw me onto the floor. He hurt my ears, knees and elbows. He refused to go away from me or let me get away from him and just continued arguing with me. Then he did something else, I can't quite remember what happened, but he ripped my earring out of my ear. We are supposed to be out today but I'm just sitting at home in tears. He said it was all my fault, and I was angry with him but I think it is unacceptable of him to be violent like this.

This morning I took his phone out of his room and have hidden it. I don't know what to do now.

OP posts:
Oblomov20 · 26/12/2019 15:02

Madcat oh you do love to misquote me don't you? Here we are yet again. Hmm

I never said nothing needed to happen. There are all sorts of options: school, GP etc. Personal private counselling.

I was just commenting on the police option. That it wasn't the only option.

ruthieness · 26/12/2019 15:09

I agree that he should not continue to live with you if he is violent to you.
Please call the Police if you are in danger but otherwise you might want to fully investigate other options and strategies.

FirsttimeTTC · 26/12/2019 15:14

Oh, @boxingday I’m so sorry you are going through this. I truly hope you’re ok.
I think it’s important you tell your brother and ask his advice. However, I agree with others that your son is not afraid of your threat to phone the police and thinks he can get away with this kind of behaviour. Which he can’t. He NEEDS to realise his behaviour has consequences.

Again, so sorry that you’re having to deal with this.

Karenisbaren · 26/12/2019 15:25

I would ring the police, honestly it will get worst, I would if you can send him to stay with other family, he cannot get away with this, he is old enough to know better.

Scabetty · 26/12/2019 15:33

Your son needs help to manage his feelings and you need to feel safe in your home. I don’t see at 15 yo as a future violent man but he needs to understand violence has consequences. Speak to his school first before you involve the police and get counselling for you both as a family and individually for his anger.

anunseemlylovefordustin · 26/12/2019 15:38

Please please contact the police. This won't stop, it will just get worse. You deserve so much better.

Karenisbaren · 26/12/2019 15:47

Op, please please please, you have said he has done this before it will escalate it truly will, is he taking anything? I have been there done that wore the t shirt, each time it picks up a notch, if he knows your not following through with what you have said he will do it again and again and agaiin because he knows he can.

Otterseatpuffinsdontthey · 26/12/2019 15:56

q

WorldEndingFire · 26/12/2019 16:08

If there aren't consequences to this behaviour you are not helping him, you are setting him up to be unleashed into the world as an abuser. My heart aches for you you; you doubtless feel a desire to protect him but he is already abusing you and this has already gone too far. This is domestic violence and the fact he is saying it's your fault shows he's mastered the art of emotional abuse, too. This must he stopped before it escalates further. If he can do this to you as his mother then his bar is set perilously low. Please phone the police and get help.

Stressedout81 · 26/12/2019 19:12

So sorry to hear this. Firstly, this was not your fault. There is never any excuse for violence. Please try not to justify his behaviour.

Your son's difficulties may not be his fault (there might be something underlying) but it is his responsibility to manage this with support.

My son has attacked me before (punching, slapping, kicking, spitting, attempting to strangle) and also shown a lack of remorse by saying I caused him to get angry etc. I never told my partner about the most recent event because I think he would get social services involved which he said he would do the last time my son punched me- if he knew the other things my son had done he wouldn't let him remain here. I did seek anger management for my son as I could take no more- I am having to pay for this privately. He has only just started this so I can't say how effective it will be but he was embarrassed to have to tell the woman he has hit me so I take that as a small glimmer of hope that he realises it is not acceptable. I think without someone else apart from you telling him his behaviour is unacceptable he will continue to justify it to himself as my son has done. I don't like to use the word manipulative but that is what my son is.

I don't have any good advice at all as I am currently experiencing it. I wanted to send you lots of love, to let you know it wasn't your fault and say please take care of yourself.

littlebillie · 26/12/2019 19:19

Call the police they will scare him and he won't do it again

CodenameVillanelle · 26/12/2019 19:21

You absolutely must call the police. His violence will escalate unless there is some kind of intervention.

JustDanceAddict · 26/12/2019 20:37

I would also call the police. They will also advise re other agencies I’m sure.
I would also tell school, they can make referrals.
Poor you, I have a 15 yr old DS - they really are man-like in strength and stature. He is massively abusing this towards you.

iMatter · 26/12/2019 20:45

Oh OP - this sounds awful. I would call the police

I have a 15 yr old ds who is a gentle giant (so far...) but he's almost 6 foot and 70kgs and pure muscle and I wouldn't have a hope in a fight with him

crankysaurus · 26/12/2019 20:47

I would also call the police. If you're threatened before and you've not carried it through, what's to stop him doing it again and again.

TARSCOUT · 26/12/2019 20:58

I have skipped to the end so apologies if I missed anything. You must call police even if only because the next person he attacks might end up dead or becoming the victor in the fight. Do the right thing to keep your son safe. I am so sorry you are going through this.

ruthieness · 26/12/2019 21:05

The police will not just "scare" him - he will almost definitely be arrested.
He will probably get a criminal record. Calling the police does not solve the problem.

I hope you are ok - of course no one should live with someone they are afraid of.

Primrosepenny · 26/12/2019 21:06

You poor thing!! Absolutely inexcusable vile behaviour!
Police, police, police.

nzborn · 26/12/2019 21:10

Please please please call the police from a safe place

billybagpuss · 26/12/2019 21:10

Hope you’re ok op, what did you decide to do 💐

Primrosepenny · 26/12/2019 21:15

The police will not just "scare" him - he will almost definitely be arrested
He will probably get a criminal record. Calling the police does not solve the problem
And what’s the alternative?
The OP is not talking a quick shove in anger or even a slap on the arm (which would be bad enough). Her son ripped out her earring, had her in a headlock and threw her to the floor. He needs to face the consequences of his actions or the OP could be in real danger.

managedmis · 26/12/2019 21:16

Did you call the police?

SpaceDinosaur · 26/12/2019 21:53

What did you do OP?

By giving no consequences, he is learning that weak people will cover for him. He is learning he can assault and abuse.

Karenisbaren · 26/12/2019 21:55

ruthieness what do you think will solve the problem then? I am sorry but nobody deserves this, I speak from experience, the problem does not just go away.