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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

DS physically attacked me

131 replies

boxingday · 26/12/2019 13:04

We came home after spending the day with family and got into an argument. DS (15) put me in a headlock and threw me onto the floor. He hurt my ears, knees and elbows. He refused to go away from me or let me get away from him and just continued arguing with me. Then he did something else, I can't quite remember what happened, but he ripped my earring out of my ear. We are supposed to be out today but I'm just sitting at home in tears. He said it was all my fault, and I was angry with him but I think it is unacceptable of him to be violent like this.

This morning I took his phone out of his room and have hidden it. I don't know what to do now.

OP posts:
Raphael34 · 26/12/2019 14:04

Phone the police ffs! What’s telling your brother going to do??

Useful22 · 26/12/2019 14:04

Great with getting help from brother, but first you must follow through. This is the key to all parenting, no empty threats. You don't your screwed.

Chunkers · 26/12/2019 14:04

If you don’t follow through with your previous threat, he will take that as a green light to continue to attack you. Maybe a visit from the police will shock him into sense and it will definitely show him that you wont take any more shit from him.

EstuaryBird · 26/12/2019 14:06

I’m sorry to be blunt at a very bad time for you OP but if you don’t actively do something now you are raising a man who will think nothing of beating up women. He will probably end up in prison for DV.

Call the Police now. Speak to your brother. Speak to his school. Speak to Women’s Aid because this is DV. He has no remorse and this will only get worse. If you let him get away with it this time then it is your fault.

Please get help and let us know that you are OK.

TheLittleBrownFox · 26/12/2019 14:09

Cross posted, the thetf has moved on a lot Blush

Police then, no more hesitation. This is a CRITICAL cross road in his life. Either he finds out that you have authority in your house and will follow through on consequences, and that him being violent to anybody but especially somebody weaker than him is NOT EVER okay, or he learns that when women say no to violence they don't really mean it and he can just carry on. Please don't be the mother who trains her son to be a wife beater.

And get him into a good martial arts class, having spoken to the instructor yourself first explaining the situation and that you want him to get help to self regulate. I believe that aikido, judo, karate etc are all EXCELLENT ways of teaching people how to self regulate and NOT use violence inappropriately (I.e. only on the training mat).

Hoppinggreen · 26/12/2019 14:10

If you call the police your son may get the help he needs, look at it like that if you are struggling
It’s really not normal behaviour and needs to be stopped before you get badly hurt And/or he goes on to worse things.
Call the police for both of your sakes

DeeZastris · 26/12/2019 14:12

Agree with everyone else that you need to call the police. This is too big to deal with by yourself.

I’m sorry this happened to you and hopefully your son will get the help he needs Flowers

ruthieness · 26/12/2019 14:24

Before you phone the police have an idea of what will happen - maybe speak to a Solicitor?
as thereafter you will not be in control - your son will be arrested and you will need an appropriate adult to be present when he is questioned. he will then be charged or cautioned and you will be the witness. He may not be allowed to live with you until the trial.
Your safety is important but you should think whether it would be better for him to be in care than for him to have a criminal record.
The police do not just come round and give him a talking to.

Rainycloudyday · 26/12/2019 14:29

Call the Police. You owe it to all the women your DS will harm in the future unless something makes him change.

^^This. With bells on. I can’t imagine the heartbreak of having to call police on your son, but anything else will lead to complete disaster down the line. It’s your only hope to help him even if it doesn’t feel like it.

Oblomov19 · 26/12/2019 14:30

I agree with Ruthie. What do posters think will happen if the police are called?
People suggest it as if it's the easy option. But it's complicated.

Hirsutefirs · 26/12/2019 14:33

There’s no easy option and he may still go from bad to worse, even if Police and criminal justice are involved.

But calling the Police looks like the only option from where I am.

PandancerandRabbitoplh · 26/12/2019 14:36

I think you need professional help with this.

It's good you have told someone but I think you need to tell someone who can help professionally with experience of this. Also have you got other children, if you have and they alert say school or tell a friend who alerts someone it won't look good if you haven't sought help.

If you don't want to go to police then I would suggest either or all of calling Social Services / doing an Early Help referral / telling GP / telling school. Services co-ordinate so you will be referred onto appropriate help. I think you need this asap. I know Family Rights Group work with families who want advice on SS involvement, they are a charity and maybe able to offer suggestions.

I definitely think you need to do more for your sake and his. He cannot continue like this.

NumbersStation · 26/12/2019 14:38

I understand what Ruthie said. If it had been the first time I may have been more of that way of thinking. Just may.

But it isn’t the first time. How many times does he have to hurt her before the police are involved?

madcatladyforever · 26/12/2019 14:40

"I agree with Ruthie. What do posters think will happen if the police are called?
People suggest it as if it's the easy option. But it's complicated".

Really? So OP should just put up with the violence in case her son is put on trial? He needs to be put on trial. The alternative does not bear thinking about and he should not be allowed to carry on living at home if he is battering his mother.

Hirsutefirs · 26/12/2019 14:41

“How many times does he have to hurt her before the police are involved?“

However many times it takes until the time she can’t get up off the floor.

middleeasternpromise · 26/12/2019 14:43

www.familylives.org.uk/advice/teenagers/behaviour/teen-violence-at-home/

There is not one course of action to take but a range, starting with a clear position from you that this will not be tolerated. If you continue to allow this behaviour to be accepted, you will only encourage it. Start by reporting it.

MoonlightMistletoe · 26/12/2019 14:44

The police won't arrest him, they will say it's a domestic.

Josette77 · 26/12/2019 14:44

Police!! Now!!! your DS is an abuser. He will hurt other women.

incogKNEEto · 26/12/2019 14:45

Please call the police. He is a violent offender who is responsible for his own actions. It doesn't matter if you argued with him he has no excuse to put his hands on you (or anybody else).

He will do it again (perhaps worse) if you do not act now to show him this is completely unacceptable behaviour.

MoonlightMistletoe · 26/12/2019 14:45

Look into anger management for him.

Lindtbandit · 26/12/2019 14:47

I feel so sorry for you OP :-(

I have also been on the receiving end of a physical assault by my teenage daughter.

I called the police.

I've actually done it twice and both times the police were fantastic.

It sends a really strong message to a young person that violence is unacceptable. In some instances it results in an offer of support from social services.

Hirsutefirs · 26/12/2019 14:50

DS (15) put me in a headlock and threw me onto the floor. He hurt my ears, knees and elbows..... ...Then he did something else, I can't quite remember what happened, but he ripped my earring out of my ear.

Just read this again. He is dangerous.

KatherineJaneway · 26/12/2019 14:51

He could hurt you much more than he has done so far.

Call the Police. If you do not, the cost to you or someone else could be much worse.

ProggyMat · 26/12/2019 14:57

boxingday
Has your DS realised his phone has gone and if so how did he react?
Are you okay?

Scrumptiousbears · 26/12/2019 14:59

I can see that you're worried what might happen when the police are called but this is only going to get worse OP. Your son needs help.