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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

DS physically attacked me

131 replies

boxingday · 26/12/2019 13:04

We came home after spending the day with family and got into an argument. DS (15) put me in a headlock and threw me onto the floor. He hurt my ears, knees and elbows. He refused to go away from me or let me get away from him and just continued arguing with me. Then he did something else, I can't quite remember what happened, but he ripped my earring out of my ear. We are supposed to be out today but I'm just sitting at home in tears. He said it was all my fault, and I was angry with him but I think it is unacceptable of him to be violent like this.

This morning I took his phone out of his room and have hidden it. I don't know what to do now.

OP posts:
Magpies2forJoy · 26/12/2019 13:28

My heart goes out to you. I had a terrifying incident like this about 5 months ago. I ended up calling my Dad. I was in tears. Things had calmed down by the time my Dad arrived so I'm not sure he got how aggressively my 13 yo had behaved. If it happens again I will take the wifi and my dd and go to my parents' house I think. It wouldnt be safe to leave her alone with him. I'm a lone parent. I think my son would be worse if I were married. There'd have been more tension, more expectations, more criticism, less understanding. So yeh, I need back up now, but this situation didn't come OUT of my being a single parent. Things would be worse if his father had been here all along undermining every decision made.

Chilver · 26/12/2019 13:28

You MUST call the police. Imagine if he goes unchecked now what will happen to every woman in his life in the future.

Original poster
boxingday · 26/12/2019 13:30

His dad is not really a big part of his life. I haven't told anyone.

OP posts:
DickDewy · 26/12/2019 13:30

He's obviously extremely troubled. Does he have issues with his mental health? Is there anywhere else he can go? I wouldn't want him anywhere near me at the moment.

I would be looking into arranging counselling

Teachermaths · 26/12/2019 13:30

You need to call the police.

Magpies2forJoy · 26/12/2019 13:30

Is there a middle ground between doing nothign and calling the police?

You would all advise the OP to go straight in there with the police?

Didn't Sinead O'Connor call social services when her son raged at her. That seems more the type of measure I could imagine.

DickDewy · 26/12/2019 13:31

I read your update that it has happened before. Unthinkable.

You should definitely call the police.

Livebythecoast · 26/12/2019 13:31

This is awful OP. He assaulted you and difficult as it is, you need to call the police. Empty threats haven't worked.
He needs to know there are consequences for his actions.
I'm sorry you went through this Flowers

Cocolapew · 26/12/2019 13:32

Oh op, you need to phone the police. Don't put up with this.

Magpies2forJoy · 26/12/2019 13:32

@boxingday at the very least I would check in to an affordable b&b, take the modem with you. There needs to be a consequence. I would be scared of the pandora's box I was opening as well, calling the police. But let him sit in an empty house for 48 hours with no internet.

Magpies2forJoy · 26/12/2019 13:33

What would the police do? Given that he's 15. Would they take him away to 'chat' or caution him?

What if that made him even more furious with the OP?

Original poster
boxingday · 26/12/2019 13:34

you're right about the police I know but my heart is breaking at the thought of what will happen.

OP posts:
titchy · 26/12/2019 13:34

Stop posting here and call the police. Right now he stands a chance of avoiding prison as an adult - the police will get various interventions for him. If you don't call the police now, it'll be too late in a years time and his adult life will almost certainly be spent behind bars.

HackAttack · 26/12/2019 13:34

Has he witnessed DV as a child? Most neurotypical children who behave like this have not been safe themselves. Remember that before you all imprison him

Magpies2forJoy · 26/12/2019 13:35

Unfortunately he has you over a barrel now, he knows that you feel you can never challenge him.

He doesn't believe you'll call the police. I would call social services at the very least. And tell them exactly why.

Hirsutefirs · 26/12/2019 13:36

Your heart will break worse at what will happen if you don’t involve the Police.

Gingernaut · 26/12/2019 13:36

I threatened to phone the police if he ever did it again.

You have to call the police, or else he'll keep doing this, knowing you won't.

VivaLeBeaver · 26/12/2019 13:36

He needs the police to put the fear of god in him. He’s not going to end up with a custodial sentence.

christmasstress · 26/12/2019 13:37

Please call the police OP.

sayingno · 26/12/2019 13:37

This must be a nightmare, OP, so sorry you're going through this.

Calling the police will get him the help he needs. Not only that he does this to you, he might start doing it to other people!

lisag1969 · 26/12/2019 13:37

He obviously has anger issues I'd go to the dr in the new year and talk to them.
Who does he think he is. You should know better than to get into an Argument with me. It's a good job he's not mine, he wouldn't sit down for a week. When you are a single parent of boys, you need to be very firm and set firm boundaries otherwise they will take over. But he

definitely has issues, also you don't want him to get any worse he could seriously hurt someone and get himself out into prison or something. You really need to do something about this.

Hirsutefirs · 26/12/2019 13:38

Social services are for social problems, not women being beaten up.

Dragongirl10 · 26/12/2019 13:38

CALL THE POLICE RIGHT NOW.

He will end up abusing other innocent women throughout his life, if you don't draw a sharp line over this.

Be a parent NOT his friend, stand up and take the tough love option.

HigherFurtherFasterBaby · 26/12/2019 13:39

You need to call the police. Now.

Whatever happens is HIS fault. He violently attacked you over a sustained period, is showing zero remorse and is gaslighting you into thinking it was your fault.

StealthMama · 26/12/2019 13:39

@boxingday your heart is breaking at he thought of what will happen if you report him.....but.....

What will happen if you don't?

This won't be a one off, and it won't be just you.

You have an opportunity to try and prevent him escalating into a full on adult male abuser. Now is the time. As a child he will get more help than if this happens when he's 18...

He assaulted you, phone the police.

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