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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

DS15 not come home and it's 3.17am

388 replies

worriedmum80 · 23/11/2019 03:23

Not sure why I'm posting here just need some positive hope and words.

DS15 went out with mates at 5pm told me he'd be back at 10pm.
I texted him at 9.40 asking him not to be late as I was going to bed with DD8mnths. He replied I'll be 40 mins my phone battery is on 2%.
That's the last I've heard from him!!

I'm been trying his phone and it's obviously off now, I e ring the police and reported him missing now I'm just sat here shaking, worried thinking the worst. What more can I do, I feel hopeless! Can't go driving looking around for him, the baby's in bed asleep.

He's not the best behaved teenager, admitted he goes to party with his mates, they sometimes have a few drinks just the usual "teenage" stuff.
Now I'm worried he's got drunk passed out somewhere or been in a fight and in a bad way somewhere. Why would he say he'd be 40 mins. The latest he's ever been is maybe 11-11.30

OP posts:
CalleighDoodle · 23/11/2019 07:21

He will probably be home when he wakes up from wherever he slept last night. He will need some serious consequences though. Sven his first message he had no intention of being on time.

Considermesometimes · 23/11/2019 07:22

You are tired with a baby, but now it is time for some boundaries and rules when ds is back. I have a 15yr old and I would not accept not knowing where she is/or staying out all night. Your son needs to learn that agreed time he comes home can not be changed just because there is a party, he must keep to his word and be on time, or he is grounded and can not go out at all. He is still a child legally, and it is not safe to be drinking at parties all night.
I think your ds father needs to be much more involved, and maybe you can now work as a team to set some new rules going forward.

No sleep all night and sick with worry, it is really not fair on you.

bluebunny123 · 23/11/2019 07:22

Hope he's home soon Thanks

Lysianthus · 23/11/2019 07:22

I’m so glad your sister is with you. Please call the police and update them that he is not back. Sending hugs 🤗.

Leflic · 23/11/2019 07:23

Ok counter intuitive but don’t kick off and rant when he comes back. He’ll be feeling ill and defensive.

Stay icy calm. You want to get across that his behaviour upset you because you love him and that you’re disappointed ( not angry) that he could do that to you. Crying helps. Teenage boys feel really bad making their mums cry.

Tricky bit is what to do next. My experience is that once they are in the smoking ( not fags obviously) group they don’t come out easily.

Borderterrierpuppy · 23/11/2019 07:27

Sorry you have had a worrying night, second not blowing up at him when he gets home but having a serious chat later.

Cantchooseaname · 23/11/2019 07:30

Hope he is safe and well, and gets in touch soon.

CottonSock · 23/11/2019 07:31

Poor you. I hope he turns up soon

Shoeshow · 23/11/2019 07:31

Hope you hear from him soon OP.

Wildorchidz · 23/11/2019 07:33

So do I.

speakout · 23/11/2019 07:37

Hope he is back soon OP.

whiteroseredrose · 23/11/2019 07:41

Hopefully he's hungover and a bit ashamed somewhere and will be home soon, hungry.

Original poster
worriedmum80 · 23/11/2019 07:45

Ive gone past the angry stage now, just want him home safe.
I'm not going to blow my top when he does come home I'm going to stay calm let him get to bed and have a GOOD talking to him later!!

I've rung 101 back and they are going to get the police to give me a ring with any updates

OP posts:
IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 23/11/2019 07:45

Ok counter intuitive but don’t kick off and rant when he comes back

I agree, neither would I be sending him to live with his dad. With a new baby and partner it will send the totally wrong message to him.

The police may come round and explain to him the trouble he put them too and it may shock him.

MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 23/11/2019 07:46

Teenage parenting is the worstFlowersBrew x

Weenurse · 23/11/2019 07:49

💐

Fizzypoo · 23/11/2019 07:51

He'll be back soon.

This thread is making me feel guilty all the times I did this. Maybe it's time to let your DS have a bit more freedom and go to the parties his peers are going to so you don't end up in this situation again?

Autumntoowet · 23/11/2019 07:54

You are tired with a baby, but now it is time for some boundaries and rules when ds is back. I have a 15yr old and I would not accept not knowing where she is/or staying out all night. Your son needs to learn that agreed time he comes home can not be changed just because there is a party, he must keep to his word and be on time, or he is grounded and can not go out at all. He is still a child legally, and it is not safe to be drinking at parties all night.
I think your ds father needs to be much more involved, and maybe you can now work as a team to set some new rules going forward.

I am sure all the OP wants now is her son home and her sister to help a bit with baby so she can finally have a rest.

Should she need advice later can be given.

I did something like this before to my grandparents, I was sure they were asleep not waiting for me and I met a boy 😳

Hugs OP, I hope he is home soon.

TheWifeAtHome · 23/11/2019 07:54

Oh gosh you poor thing.
Teens can be incredibly daft and selfish st times.
I'm just coming out the other side of parenting 3 teens.

By 8.30am I think I'd be knocking on his friends doors if I'd lostcphone numbers. There might be other parents in the same situation or he might have crashed out there. One if his friends might know where he ended up.
Good luck.

Leedsmom · 23/11/2019 07:56

He will have slept on the sofa/floor at the party,
I hope he understands how worried he has made you.

WillLokireturn · 23/11/2019 07:56

He's a missing child, the police will keep looking. Can you put Fb request for mothers of his friends to pm you their contact numbers. Then start ringing around.

He's probably fallen asleep somewhere and will be back late morning feeling sorry for himself, defensive and sheepish. Do read what PPs said about showing him your sadness and upset rather than anger first, burst into tears, wail how you're relieved he's still alive, sob for ages, let it all out snot and all , whilst grasping him closely to your bosom. Then later the hurt 'why would you do that?' comes out . Getting angry at a rebellious teenager rarely works, as they switch off and storm off, unless your have high levels of back up or an adult he can't bear to disappoint?

PearlsBeforeWine · 23/11/2019 07:57

Have you tried his friends op?

SeaViewBliss · 23/11/2019 07:58

What a stressful night for you op. Hope you hear from him soon.

Raphael34 · 23/11/2019 07:58

Try not to worry op. He’ll defo be asleep somewhere.

Quartz2208 · 23/11/2019 08:00

Oh OP I’m sure he just went to the party teenagers never think these things through

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