Would you leave a 17 year old alone at home for 12 days

[burdent47]

Whilst you go abroad? DC in question is desperate to but he is pretty hopeless around the house. Extremely disorganised/forgetful, very good at losing things. We don't have family nearby. Only been left alone for 1 night with younger siblings before.

Absolutely yes. A 17 year old could move out and there is pretty much nothing you could do about it

Id see it as an opportunity for them to prove their maturaty

Even though they can't cook, clean or do anything without guidance?

Yes, I'm leaving my 16 year old for a week. I am going to leave him with culinary delights such as pot noodles, ready meals and I even plan to order a pizza one night.
Its not my choice to leave him but he doesn't want to come away.

In a year he will be heading to university, good practice

Does he like parties? If the answer is yes, I'd be very cautious about the risk of a "small gathering" turning into something he can't handle.

Food-wise he could live on frozen pizza for a week or so and when he's bored of that he might get motivated to learn to cook.

I have a 17yo and would consider it, but she wouldn't want to be alone for that long because she gets lonely. I think she'd be safe enough. But we do have neighbours who are willing to keep an eye out. And she hates drunken parties .....

"Even though they can't cook, clean or do anything without guidance?"

No better way to learn than to have to do things for yourself.

Yes

Why can’t s/he cook or clean?

I would leave them on their own with strict instructions that the house be exactly as I left it. I’d expect them to clean up after themselves and sort their own food out.

They don’t need to do Michelin grade meals, beans on toast, egg and toast, frozen foods heated in oven eg pizzas/pies etc.

Well why can't he cook and clean at 17? That's ridiculous. Leave him on his own and he will soon pick things up.

I was married with two kids at 17.
Not a recommendation btw but they’ll be fine.

No. Not if they are as lacking in basic life skills as you say. A 17yo who isn't very mature could get into a lot of prpblems in a week left entirely to their own devices.

Well why can't he cook and clean at 17? because he has dyspraxia and uses it as an excuse to be lazy

CureForLove this is my concern. Nothing would give me greater pleasure than to not take him as when he doesn't want to do something he ruins it for everyone but, I think he will get into a lot of trouble. Don't really know the neighbours, no family, friends mostly on holiday/not very nearby.

In the circumstances you describe I would not leave them for 12 days, especially as they haven't really been left before. A week maybe, with a crash course in things like remembering to turn the hob off, lock the doors etc!

That's my thinking NerdyBird but he is convinced everything will be okay despite managing to lose all his next text books for next year at school or elsewhere and told me to sort it out!!!

I didn’t with my first because he would have held a party if we just went out for a few minutes. The next one was bloody brilliant and probably kept everything together better than I could have. So, it depends on the 17 year old.

@burdent47 well he won't be able to be lazy if he's got to fend for himself. You can't drag 17 year old on holiday if he doesn't want to go and it sounds like he could use a crash course in domesticity.

Not in the circumstances described no. He personally may be fine, I'm sure he wouldn'tv starve but I wouldn't be keen on leaving my house in the care of someone who sounds as though they may well forget to lock doors etc and has no reliable emergency backup locally. Maybe if I was going to be within driving distance to get home if needed but not abroad.

Not in any circumstances.

He is very likely to have friends round and it all to get out of hand. My niece had a "few friends" round at the same age when parents went away for one night. It turned into major rave with strangers completely trashing the house.

I worked with a Saturday kid whos parents had gone on holiday and left him looking after his younger sister (hes 18), the second day he put something covered with tin foil in the microwave (didnt know that you shouldnt) and it blew up setting the house on fire..luckily they were ok.

Ilikewinter that is just what he would do

Everyone can cook and can DEFINITELY clean if they have to. How have you not taught him to do this things by now?

Leave him on his own - no parties, house must be clean when you get back.

newmomof1 I have taught him but he needs to practice physical things to get it right (he has dyspraxia as I said above) and he is lazy and doesn't bother ... He is also careless/forgetful which is not a good combination.

How about a practice run where he is charge of the house for, say, 3 days. Tell him what you expect in terms of doors being locked and house work. If he really wants to gain independence he will be keen to demonstrate he can do it. Also, make a plan for what to do if he loses his key or wallet (spare key in key safe? Spare money put away for emergencies).

I was frequently left alone as a teenager and had to deal with locking myself out, losing my handbag, bring unwell and sick pets on my own. You could have a brainstorming session with your son about how he would cope with similar scenarios.