Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Would you leave a 17 year old alone at home for 12 days

94 replies

burdent47 · 18/07/2019 07:45

Whilst you go abroad? DC in question is desperate to but he is pretty hopeless around the house. Extremely disorganised/forgetful, very good at losing things. We don't have family nearby. Only been left alone for 1 night with younger siblings before.

OP posts:
ExpletiveDelighted · 18/07/2019 08:51

Yes, that's what I'd do too, build him up in smaller steps. We've got a "what would you do if" list that we're working through with our younger teens, including how to turn water off at the main, how to use a fire blanket, how to deal with being locked out etc.

Youngandfree · 18/07/2019 08:56

No I wouldn’t and not because I think they are unable to be alone, I just wouldn’t it doesn’t sit right with me. I would be worried about random things and I would never relax. My DB was left for a weekend, had a party and the house got trashed...not ideal. Why can’t he go on holiday with you??

Teddybear45 · 18/07/2019 09:01

I have dyspraxia and dyslexia and could cook and clean from a very young age. Girls are often expected to get on with things while boys are coddled to the point of ineffectiveness - suggest you make it very clear to him what being alone entails and that if he loses keys etc you will not bail him out.

Candyfloff · 18/07/2019 09:02

I don't understand when posters say that their DC can't clean. It's literally a cloth, water and some spray or a quick hoover/mop.
Surely just common sense.

Anyway, I'd leave him. Give him the practice of not relying on his mum anymore.
Rules: no parties and house must be tidy when you get back.

He's very nearly an adult, you babying him isn't going to help matters.

choli · 18/07/2019 09:10

but he is convinced everything will be okay despite managing to lose all his next text books for next year at school or elsewhere and told me to sort it out!!!
He sounds nice.

NC4Now · 18/07/2019 09:14

Not my 17 year old, no. He also has dyspraxia. It’s not just the chaos I’d come home to, although that would be enough to put me off.
He has very poor risk assessment skills, is impulsive and prone to making poor decisions if given too much free time and money.
What would he be doing while you were away?

Jojoanna · 18/07/2019 09:16

Yes

Ninkaninus · 18/07/2019 09:18

Depends on the 17 year old obviously, but barring any very serious developmental, psychological or physical problems, yes absolutely.

In less than a year’s time he will be an adult.

Booboo66 · 18/07/2019 09:22

If he's desperate to stay use this as an opportunity to get him to pull his socks up... he can stay home if he cooks the family meal twice a week in the run up and takes responsibility for XYZ chores

Ninkaninus · 18/07/2019 09:25

Having read the thread hmmm I’m not sure I would.

But you’re really not doing him any favours letting him use his dyspraxia as an excuse to be s lazy arse. Life takes work, lots of it, and he’s going to be out in it very soon!

El0die · 18/07/2019 09:33

How long until you go abroad? Is there time to train him up?
Can he live on breakfast cereal, toast, sandwiches and cold food for 12 days?
Can he cope with his own company for 12 days?
Can you trust him not to have groups of friends over? Or not to be taken advantage of??
Can you trust him to do basic house security- lock the house, look after a key?
12 days is a long time.... Given what you say about him, I would say no to leaving him completely unsupervised for such a long time.

lljkk · 18/07/2019 09:40

My current 17yo would have too many parties. So that's a big Fat No from me. Maybe past/one of the future 17yr olds would be ok.

Friends left their 16yr old like this a few times. And were shocked about the parties. Confused

nordstrom · 18/07/2019 09:42

Over my dead body. For fear of the wellbeing of my home, not the dc!

It will be a week with grandparents or suck it up and come on holiday for us when the dc are a bit older (currently 14 and 13)

Comefromaway · 18/07/2019 09:42

I would with dd but we have family nearby and she left home at 16 to go and live with a landlady in order to attend a specialist college.

With ds, not a chance!

Birdie6 · 18/07/2019 09:43

Well why can't he cook and clean at 17?

because he has dyspraxia and uses it as an excuse to be lazy

Dyspraxia is not an excuse to be lazy. My DD has severe dyspraxia , but she has been taught to cook AND clean up after herself. Your DS can't just go through life thinking he doesn't have to be bothered, "because I'm dyspraxic".

nordstrom · 18/07/2019 09:43

I still remember the wild summer parties we had at various friends' houses when their parents were foolhardy enough to leave them to it!

CrackOn · 18/07/2019 09:47

I would. He's got to learn sometime, unless you envision cooking and cleaning for him for the rest of your life? You've allowed him to get this far attached to your apron strings - you'd do him a disservice by not allowing him to untangle himself now.

Original poster
burdent47 · 18/07/2019 09:49

Birdie6 yes thank you I know this. He has been taught how to do things but as I said before he has to practice things to get it right and he doesn't bother so we have to keep starting from scratch.

OP posts:
BigSandyBalls2015 · 18/07/2019 09:51

I’ve just had a row with DH about my unwillingness to leave our 18 year old DD for a week. She can cook and clean but I just know she’d have a party and it’d prob get out of hand.

NC4Now · 18/07/2019 09:52

Mine forgets to eat Burdent.

TheFaerieQueene · 18/07/2019 09:55

Is the holiday worth it? If you leave him how relaxed will you be? If you force him to come, how much fun will it be?

RolyWatts · 18/07/2019 09:56

No. And not because I'd be worried about him necessarily. He is at an age where he should be given more freedoms. However those freedoms would not be happening in my house. You have a described a very disorganised, chaotic young person in a very isolated (figuratively) place. I would spend the entire time away worrying and would fully expect to be called back home.

What are the other options?

Rachelover40 · 18/07/2019 10:01

Yes I would if he is happy to be left.
Why does it matter if he can't cook or clean? He can pen tins, use a microwave, buy a takeaway and the house won't come to any harm if it isn't cleaned for that length of time. Tell him he has to keep the shower/bath and lavatory clean, that's easy to do.

BlueJag · 18/07/2019 10:01

Can he play games in a console? Can he get himself places if he wants to like town or cinema?
What I'm trying to get at is he more capable than he makes out to be?
Is he very young for his age? 12 days sound a long time for someone so immature.
It's only one way to find out if he is capable.

littlepeaegg · 18/07/2019 10:02

I have dyspraxia, I only found out as an adult! Certain things make sense to me now. It was once called the Clumsy Child Syndrome. Please don't let him use that as an excuse. I moved out when I was 17.

Swipe left for the next trending thread