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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

We saved our board - now does anyone fancy a tea room or cocktail bar type thread for general chit chat about teens

115 replies

FleetwoodStorms · 28/05/2019 08:03

That don't really warrant a thread of their own?

Apologies if it seems twee but there used to be a few virtual tea rooms popular on MN back when it were all fields round here so i thought I'd give it a go. Have name changed in case i attract only tumbleweed

I have one DD(14), very easy going (yes, i know that can change in the blink of an eye!). Although she's friendly she doesn't seem to have found her tribe yet. Anyone else's teen in a similar position? She's issued some invitations for half term but not had much response.

How will your teen/s be spending this week? (it's ok to say if they have lots of meet-ups with friends )

OP posts:

Empra123 · 28/05/2019 18:42

I have twin teenagers who will be 18 tomorrow. Older twin is in the middle of A levels. Younger twin deferred a year after GCSES and so won't do A levels until nect year. Twin 1 is autistic and so not very sociable but has acquired a lovely group of friends at college who are all very accepting of her. Twin 2 has a large circle of friends but due to 4 years of illness tends not to go out much as she gets very tired.

Chocrock · 28/05/2019 18:53

DS almost 18 is spending this week revising for A levels.
He has never had a tribe but has a small circle of good friends and a girlfriend. He seems happy.
The horrendous teenage years were 14/15. Thank god they are behind us and I hope there aren’t more to come!

Original poster

FleetwoodStorms · 28/05/2019 19:05

God, I wouldn't want to be 15 again!

Me neither, Firefliess

I find people are merciless in their judgment of mothers working away from home, whereas Dads go unjudged. It's annoying sometimes and seen as unnatural

That's a fair point, DockerDre Your DD is happy - how are you? Is it a longterm arrangement or is there an end date?

OP posts:

DockerDre · 29/05/2019 00:34

It's a fixed arrangement for now. Dd is completely immersed in her life at home, I couldn't uproot her even if I wanted to. I'm pretty much happy where I am too. I was never an entirely mumsy mum, though she was a very clingy little girl. It suits us this way. She can run rings around her Granny, and hang up on Mum when I 'go on'. I see her moving over for summers when she's 16 onwards perhaps, but again, her summers are immersed in music festivals and competitions. She's off to France in 3 weeks with one group - all expenses paid. I know it's unconventional and I miss out on a lot, but it's just the only thing that works right now.

DockerDre · 29/05/2019 00:41

As things stand, she is the boss of the house with my Mum - she gets away with murder.

She has her dog (follows her everywhere - a rescued mongrel) and cats, her music, school, friends, sports, dance etc.

I needed to move for work and my sanity mainly. Not many people understand it.

We normally get on quite well, though I tend to bore her apparently . Just recently we've locked horns. She has a temper similar to my own!
She's happy, that's the main thing.

DockerDre · 29/05/2019 00:45

It's strange, because I'm very 'young' in my views on things, but dd thinks I'm a fossil - best trotted out as a museum piece on occasion. Lol.

Her view of me is quite different to how I see myself as a Mum. Basically she thinks I'm an insufferable old bore!
Oh well, maybe it means I'm doing something right!

AbsoluteGonk · 29/05/2019 08:04

Thanks for answering, DockerDre. The majority of parents are just trying to do our best, aren't we? That's why I always hide the SAHM-v-WOHM threads - they're do divisive and destructive.

As for being a fossil I'm an older mum and I do not get the social etiquette of the modern age! If a teen makes a suggestion (going into town, sleepover, hanging out) at school and other teens seem receptive, so she tries to organise something via social media - is it normal for her to be ignored? Honest answers, please.

The coffee's on, croissants in the oven and tea is also available. Fresh on all tables.

Strugglingtodomybest · 29/05/2019 08:20

Pass the croissants please!

I'll try and answer your question about social media AbsoluteGonk. What I've noticed, although I have 2 boys, is that they just seem to ignore stuff they don't want to do, instead of replying 'no thanks'.

I've only found this out though as one of DS1's friend's mum keeps texting me if DS1 doesn't reply to her son. So I've had a word about manners and how it's important to let people know either way so that they can make plans.

I think maybe a lot of parents won't realise that they need to teach this to their children, as we, older ones at least, never grew up communicating in this way.

Original poster

FleetwoodStorms · 29/05/2019 08:32

Name change fail

I think maybe a lot of parents won't realise that they need to teach this to their children, as we, older ones at least, never grew up communicating in this way

Oh for the days of just knocking on a friend's door and asking if they're coming out! DD gives me a or face if I ever suggest she does that!

OP posts:

Strugglingtodomybest · 29/05/2019 08:52

Ha ha yes! Although, I have one friend who does send her son out to knock on friend's doors and I did feel sorry for him when he turned up on our doorstep after cycling to our house up a very steep hill, only to find that both boys were already out somewhere.

CapybarasLoveCake · 29/05/2019 11:25

Thanks TheCrow. Dd did actually apologise this morning and said she’s really lonely. The school mix form groups for yr10 so I’m hoping for a fresh start for her in September.

At the moment she’s playing really nicely with my 9 year old. They have all the soft toys out. She almost seems like a little girl again

AsGoodAsTinaFey · 29/05/2019 11:36

Have twin 16 year olds, who are SUPPOSED to be revising. However, DS is currently annoying his younger siblings and consuming all the food in the house. DD came home from seeing friends (for group revision- pffft) about 10 minutes ago and proclaimed that they are all awful. Sigh...

floraloctopus · 29/05/2019 11:37

Fortnite epic gaming session in progress here again

Strugglingtodomybest · 29/05/2019 13:11

floraloctopus mine are both taking part in a 12-hour live-streaming Fortnite session today. I feel your pain!

Herocomplex · 29/05/2019 14:52

FleetwoodStorms I would have been a bit more huggy when they got older, they tease me now because I’m not a big toucher. Bizarrely I regret not saying goodnight to them every night when they were older and went to bed after me, their bedrooms are in the loft so I just didn’t.
I wish we’d got a dog when they were younger, I always held out because I couldn’t face all the work.
The best, by far, thing I did was make sure I was available just to listen to them every day. Sometimes they came in, angry and tense or a bit sad, or really happy and I just sat there with a cup of tea and listened. Usually they just needed to unload, and often went away their usual selves. Sometimes it was a much longer chat with decisions made, or things understood.
I wish I could have stopped them eating sweets, once they had their own money I found it really difficult to accept some of their choices.
I wish I could have been a bit less critical of some of their clothing choices, my mothers voice came out of my mouth once to often when they appeared in things which I felt were too dirty to wear or unflattering.
I said sorry when I was wrong, and tried to see their point of view.
I love them dearly but most of all feel incredibly happy that the world is their absolute oyster and they seem enthusiastic about getting out into it.
(I’d love to spend another day with them when they were all under 10, walking home from school in the sunshine with book bags, friends coming for tea)

floraloctopus · 29/05/2019 15:24

Struggling I've made a rod for my own back as the xbox is in the living room so I have to put up with it

BadgerBadgerMushroom · 29/05/2019 20:09

Hi can I join too? I have a 15 year old DSD. She's got friends at school but none of them really seem to want to socialise outside of school. It's all done by phone these days lol. She laughs at me when I say she can actually go out with them. I guess being in bed is far more appealing 😆 She's one of those who is hilarious and funny around people she knows but painfully shy in situations she's not comfortable with...to the point she will whisper responses.That's really hard to see and I wish I could help more. Hope everyone is having a nice evening 😄

bringbacksideburns · 29/05/2019 21:57

Hello again all. Does anyone know how to make a link to this thread?
There's a thread about a teen having friendship problems at the moment and mum might find this one helpful.

Original poster

FleetwoodStorms · 29/05/2019 23:17

Herocomplex - thanks for your very moving reply. I’d love to spend another day with them when they were all under 10, walking home from school in the sunshine with book bags, friends coming for tea

Me too! Or when she was 4 and we'd play libraries and have tea parties. God - I'd get so bored of it after a while but it would be lovely to have that time again- for a day

bringbacksideburns - I've linked to this thread. What a shitty situation for the girl to be in.

OP posts:

bringbacksideburns · 29/05/2019 23:25

Thanks.

Yes Hero , that is a lovely way of putting it. Simpler days!

DockerDre · 30/05/2019 02:48

My damsel never involves me in her arrangements. She has school friends and out of school friends, so she usually has some sort of sleep over over the holidays. I get told at the last minute, as does my mother. I ask ahead of time and get told 'ye probably'. They can be very last minute as it depends on the other child's family arrangements too. I think you have to play along with it a bit for now. Well, so I keep telling myself. Dd is still not talking to me. I know where she gets her stubbornness from anyway!

DockerDre · 30/05/2019 02:56

I was lucky in that having no siblings, there was never a demand for xbox or playstations. She had DS thingys when she was young (say 6 - 8), but then life took over. She's on her ipad, music, or gallivanting here there and yonder with her various music groups etc., so she literally doesn't have time for games really - maybe her boy friends are into gaming, but it's not something she's ever expressed an interest in. Sometimes I call and I get 'I'm just watching tv because I've had a busy week' haha. She wouldn't know a busy week if I set a bomb under her. But I guess it is busy for 14. She has time to be in the rat race. It's exhausting the amount of school, sports, music, studying they have to do anyway. 8 hours a day at work has me ready for a glass of wine and bed!

DockerDre · 30/05/2019 03:09

I'll give you a laugh.
About 1-2 years ago I had a daft notion that I wanted a dog - newly single again - and I wanted a chihuahua. Dd came on the phone to me and said YOU DO NOT WANT A DOG. 'You'll have to wake up every morning, let them out, feed them, walk in their pee, clean up their pee, maybe a poo, they bark all the time - honestly Mammy - you couldn't cope with a dog' Hahahaha.
I still haven't gotten a dog. She was quite convincing. Yet she loves her own.

DockerDre · 30/05/2019 03:10

I think sometimes our children actually know us as well as we know them in some ways.

Strugglingtodomybest · 30/05/2019 08:53

StrugglingI've made a rod for my own back as the xbox is in the living room so I have to put up with it

I always said there would be no tv or ps4 in bedrooms, but I work from home and the computer is in the lounge, so the TV and ps4 found it's way into his bedroom one holiday and never came out. I just reassure myself that at this age it's important for him to have his own space.

The 12 hour fortnite session didn't quite come off yesterday, apparently "it was too much after a while"
So, another lesson learnt there hopefully.

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