Gosh - thank you for so many thought-provoking insights re: men and fatherhood.
Billybagpuss 
@ "no shit Sherlock"
That's so interesting about conditioning (of DC to not expect same level of emotional response from dads) and (I agree we are generalising massively) about compartmentalisation and fathers overall not feeling as much stress, their ability to remove themselves and to "retreat in to the man cave" (and God yes that's annoying!).
Spot on Fleetheart re: " I think as mothers our identity and aspirations are very tied up with being mothers. And when our children are in trouble we question our own identities and our own capabilities."
That's it isn't it? I personally don't know any father who takes the slings and arrows their teens throw at them quite so much to heart as their mothers do. (But maybe they do and just don't show it!? It would be good to have a man's perspective.)
I feel pretty sure (generalising again) that many men don't feel as much guilt over their home/work decisions as women, and over their parenting abilities in general. Or criticise themselves so much over perceived parenting "failures". And perhaps they don't follow their teens so far down the rabbit holes of angst as mothers?
Like Fleetheart says, when DD has been at her most difficult and combative, my dh also sees it as just "a difficult patch" to get through. Her rudeness definitely doesn't hit him in the solar plexus as it does with me , but he is overall more confident and rarely second guesses himself or his decisions.
And yes maybe, as Tarrara says, there is a bit of pack mentality going on here as well, and teens (feeling weak themselves) try and bolster their position by honing in on those they sense are the most vulnerable to wounding?
Tinkobell again that's so true about us not being able to open up enough about this stuff in rl, and so, as ever, it's good to be able to do so here 
I realise this is a contentious subject but I was either listening or reading (can't remember which!) a while back to a bloke who was taking female hormones. He described "feeling" as a women like looking at a horizon/landscape and seeing a mountain range with giant peaks and slopes, deep crenellations, contrasts in colour and light and shade right down to all the minute physical details of the tiny distant trees, lakes and streams. Then when he came off the female hormones and returned to being "male", he described the same horizon/landscape as being perfectly pleasant, more uniform in colour, just a bit more distant, with smoother, lower hills and slightly misty! So maybe we females inhabit a slightly richer emotional life overall which has its downsides of course, but also huge benefits too?