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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Dick pics

30 replies

Mof3K · 21/04/2019 21:08

Dd2 aged 14 went to a sleep over on Friday night. 3 girls who apparently talked and giggled all night. Clearly not....

I always take the phone off her at night to charge downstairs and i often have a glance through it as we've had issues with her in the past.

Anyway it turns out she spent the sleep over taking turns on a vape with the other girls and talking to a teen age boy ( 14 ) on Instagram who also sent a couple of dick pics !! The way she was talking to him was so rude and sexual i was embarrassed!

I have confiscated the phone and asked her about it. She says she doesn't know why she did the vape and im over reacting about the dick pic. Which by the way the boy clearly got from google cos there is no way that nob is his!

She's furious I've taken her phone, told me " it's not a big deal and it hasnt affected you mum so why am are you taking my stuff away"!!!!

I've ended up shouting at her this evening that im ashamed of her as her behaviour is awful. Ive told her it's illegal to have these images on her phone but she doesnt seem to care at all.
Wwyd ??

OP posts:
Scrumptiousbears · 21/04/2019 21:32

Which by the way the boy clearly got from google cos there is no way that nob is his!

Grin

I know I'm no help but this made my shit evening better.

Original poster
Mof3K · 21/04/2019 21:39

Blush thanks. But its true. it was some giant, pornstar , adult male nob. I was.....Shock.

OP posts:
coffeeismybestie · 21/04/2019 21:44

I'm

lljkk · 22/04/2019 05:12

If willy is from an adult, then would it be illegal to be on her phone.

Alicewond · 22/04/2019 05:16

Have you spoken with the other girls parents?

Birdie6 · 22/04/2019 05:55

Unfortunately she is right - in her world it isn't a big deal to send pix like this between teenagers. As to what you can do - I've no idea. They all have devices which can be used for things that you and I never would have considered. Good luck with this !

mimibunz · 22/04/2019 06:24

Forget the vaping and phone (not battles worth picking) and get her on birth control.

Soontobe60 · 22/04/2019 06:41

We have quite a bit of this in the school I work at. One girl in particular is a repeat offender and another mum has reported the family to social care. There has been some police involvement and the girl is now heavily watched.
Having these photos on your phone and sending them to others is very serious. She could end up with a criminal record. The advice another pp gave about birth control is ridiculous. Don't dismiss the seriousness of this, op.

Hoosey · 22/04/2019 06:51

I know this might be a bit left field but is the picture definitely from porn? Is there any chance they were actually speaking to an adult man without knowing? I’d be more concerned about that. That aside, it sounds like you need an open talk about what’s gone on rather than punishing her.

Windygate · 22/04/2019 07:20

I'd be very concerned that it is his penis but he isn't a14 year old. Have you considered grooming?

LIZS · 22/04/2019 07:23

Do they go to same school? Mention it to hoy , I expect they'd take the issue of sharing images a d sexual comments seriously. Are you in contact with the other parents?

differentnameforthis · 22/04/2019 08:40

The boy shared porn with a minor, so he has acted illegally. Did your daughter share it further?

differentnameforthis · 22/04/2019 08:42

I'd be buying her a basic ring and text phone. Obviously too young for a smart phone. And I report him to the police.

differentnameforthis · 22/04/2019 08:45

Unfortunately she is right - in her world it isn't a big deal to send pix like this between teenagers. No big deal? It's illegal for a start

@Hoosey Very good point!!

Aragog · 22/04/2019 08:49

They might not think it's a big deal but the reality is it is and should be a big deal to others.

Having done a lot of safeguarding and online safety training I would be definitely removing her phone and other electronic devices for a while, and be speaking to her about the implications of such activities.

Pretending it's all okay and normal to be doing at 14y could become a dangerous precedent .

I'd want to speak to the parents of the other girls and the bit about it too.

HJWT · 22/04/2019 08:55

@mimibunz
Forget the vaping and phone (not battles worth picking) and get her on birth control.

Yeah why bother, just let her have sex with who she wants and gets STI's, WTF is wrong with some people.

Maybe try having a chat with her about self respect and how having a conversation like that with a boy is going to make her look cheap and easy...

UnrelentingFruitScoffer · 22/04/2019 09:01

There are lots of important things to say about self-respect and emotions here.

First, let’s just deal with the law:-

(1) a picture of the 14 year old’s nob would be child porn and would put all the girls and you in serious danger of prison.

(2) a picture of an adult nob is not illegal in itself, but providing it to minors is a criminal offence. Again, all of the girls and the boy are in danger of prosecution, but probably not prison. So are you if you do not delete it at once.

In your shoes, I would stop posting about this, throw the phone in a river after wiping off what I could, ground the daughter pending better behaviour and ask Mumsnet to delete this thread.

SparklyMagpie · 22/04/2019 09:13

I'm also wondering if indeed she was actually talking to a man

Maurice169 · 22/04/2019 09:48

My 13 year old daughter says some of her friends except anyone on Instagram. They’ve received ‘dick pics’ from adult men pretending to be teenage boys. So they’ll block that account. My daughter only excepts people she knows. Thank goodness!

Original poster
Mof3K · 22/04/2019 10:07

She knows the boy. Its a boy from school. They were sending voice message back and forth via Instagram. I read and listened to them. He definitely sent it. It wasn't a random.

OP posts:
Mustbetimeforachange · 22/04/2019 10:11

Why did pp suggest asking to gave the thread deleted? How would that help?

Original poster
Mof3K · 22/04/2019 10:17

The picture has long been deleted.
I have my daughter's phone. I've had it since Saturday.
The delightful boy has sent several messages yesterday and this morning asking to meet up and f**k.
I know she isn't doing this but she doesnt seem to be telling him to get lost either!!!!
I have tried to talk to her about self respect and she tells me everything she thinks i want to hear then i find her moping over this repulsive boy.

I have threatened to contact his parents and the police if he does this again and she was hysterical telling me that would ruin her life etc.
I honestly don't know what to do.

OP posts:
NorthernRunner · 22/04/2019 10:27

I would screen shot messages and then delete them off her phone.
I would then get rid of her Instagram account and get in touch with his parents and the school.
She is 14.
She isn’t old enough or mature enough yet, (clearly!) to deal with sex and boyfriends and all that comes with it. She needs to understand that having images like this on her phone is dangerous. My concern would be that she started sending similar images of herself to other boys.
Have you spoken to her about sex and protection?
My mom is a sexual health nurse and she was always very matter of fact with my brother and I and I can’t stress how important it is.

LIZS · 22/04/2019 10:28

Involve School.

cariadlet · 22/04/2019 10:28

My dd's 16 and she's been sent pictures like this from boys for the last few years. I've talked about self respect, Internet safety etc for a long time (before she'd had pictures). PHSE lessons at school include sexting. But it makes no difference. It has become totally normalised among teenagers.

One of the worst things about it is that old fashioned double standards seem to be in place.

Many boys seem to send dick pics to every girl they know and nobody bats an eyelid. But my dd has told me of girls who have been persuaded by a boy to send a topless picture or a nude and then have been devastated when these have been shared without their consent. These poor girls are talked about in a way in which the boys aren't.

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