AIBU

[mumzy11960]

my dd is 16 and most of her friends stay out in a village until 11pm /12am in the summer and I've said that's completely not happening in our house. It's only a 15min drive and the majority of her friends live there. I know most of them and they are all REASONABLY safe but I know the boys smoke weed and dd does NOS quite a lot. AIBU to say that 9pm is the curfew.
Also would help a lot if you let me know any of your dd/ds freedom in the summer after gcses

9pm is silly. You're dd will rebel if you're not careful. She's not far off being an adult.

@anangalou that was my DH decision I was thinking more like 10:30

16yrs old is a bit harsh for the 9pm curfew - weed smoking occurs anytime of the day.

11pm is reasonable to me.

What Is NOS?

@HowlsMovingBungalow it's nitric oxide- basically laughing gas

Between 11pm & midnight is more reasonable for a 16 year old, she's a young adult not a child.

11pm sounds so late to me, she's my eldest so never done this before really anxious! X

At 16 my DD was out till 11, we live in London

The thing is that they aren't really doing anything just lingering about the town

Your daughter knows you can die from the inhaling that drug doesn't she? You can suffocate from the lack of oxygen.

Hang on a minute - I didn't know what NOS was before I posted & I admit I know nothing about it, but if I found out one of my teens was doing anything risky with illegal substances (which I assume this is) I'd be considering grounding them.

www.talktofrank.com/drug/nitrous-oxide#the-risks

At 16 I was going to the pub and coming home whenever I wanted lol. I think 11 is a good curfew.

It isn't about the hour on the clock. It is about what she is doing.
None of mine have ever "hung around taking drugs". That is what I would be tackling if I were you. The time is irrelevant here.
My dd is going out to a midnight showing of a film in this holidays, so will be back in the early hours, but that is because it is a "thing" to see it when it is first released apparently. However, she wouldn't be going out until 9pm if she were hanging about taking drugs. Stop normalising it.

If you treat her with a 9 pm curfew, prepare for her coming home the next day, and in a mess, possibly even taking harder drugs, heading back at 11:30 sounds right, so she gets back at quarter to.

@BackforGood How would you know

I am definitely not normalising it, she knows the effects of the drugs and I trust her to make the right decision she is very sensible and if I ever found out she did I would be grounding her.

How would I know what? That they had been taking drugs ?

Do you not think you could tell from the smell, from changed reactions, from where they were and how they were acting when you picked them up, or they arrived home ?

But you are ok with her using NOS which can cause brain damage or death. She can do that before 9pm it seems but that's ok?

I would say 10.30/11pm

Laughing gas aside I agree 9pm is ridiculous for that age. I'm sure I didn't have a curfew at 16 at all, my parents more stipulated that I stayed safe. I could come and go as I pleased but wasn't to walk home alone etc, messaged with updates etc. I'd say 11pm

I would say 10.30pm - 11pm, 12pm is to late, 9pm for a 16 year old is a bit of a joke really.

I was out nightclubbing most nights at 15, but I am not sure that's comparable now.
The laughing gas thing would worry me, but you have to trust your Dc to make sensible choices.

9pm is way too early for a curfew, 11pm would be better.

I don’t think I had a curfew at that age. I did let my parents know where I was going but I was fairly sensible. I would be in pubs or clubs but seems to be a lot harder without ID these days. If she’s sensible can you let her earn your trust?

#OP ignore the odd parenting advice from these do called parents, this is why there is so much antisocial behaviour these days. On a school night I'd say 9-10pm curfew, more 9pm if they've got GCSEs. Can't believe some of these posts. Weekends are different though, 11ish maybe then.