Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

DD15 sleepover with no parents present

113 replies

maloofhoof · 09/03/2019 16:08

DD15 is due to go to her friends tonight for a sleepover along with another friend. After speaking to one of the parents I've been told neither mum or dad will be home tonight and that the friends 19 yr old brother will be there to supervise. I'm really not comfortable with this, and had no idea until now that this was the plan. Would you let your 15 year old still go?

OP posts:
Original poster
maloofhoof · 12/03/2019 13:23

needthisthread why is it hardly a dramatic response? You think it's normal to cry for your DS because someone random on the internet wouldn't trust him?

To clarify, I do trust my daughter. I don't trust an older teen I've never met to supervise her and her two friends.

And yes, I trust other parents to supervise my daughter and hope they'd trust me in return. But those parents weren't there? So I don't understand your point.

OP posts:
Orchidflower1 · 12/03/2019 13:29

You made the right call op. No way would I let my dc stay anywhere unsupervised.

To the pp who was bemoaning the fact it was because of the older son - an older sister would have made no difference either. Yes the older SIBLING may be 19 but they are not the parents.

MaybeDoctor · 12/03/2019 13:55

I have never been keen on ‘sleepover’ or ‘crashing’ type situations.

I think it is very easy for boundaries to become blurred, boundaries that are there for good reasons. Some of the threads on MN attest to that, sadly.

Teens can socialise for 16 hours a day if they want.

cdtaylornats · 12/03/2019 14:15

My sympathy is entirely with the 19 year old brother. They'll be merciless.

needthisthread · 12/03/2019 15:54

Not automatically assuming a 19 year old you don't know is completely trustworthy makes you cry? Seriously?

Not ‘a 19yo’, a19yo man. And yes , it does make me incredibly sad.

needthisthread · 12/03/2019 15:57

why is it hardly a dramatic response? You think it's normal to cry for your DS because someone random on the internet wouldn't trust him?

I wasn't being dramatic. And yes, the assumption that a 19yo man can't be trusted is sad. Really sad. As the parent of a son the judgment I see daily is unbelievable.

pallisers · 12/03/2019 17:16

Well as the parent of a 22 year old son I don't care at all that some woman might actually prefer to get to know him before trusting him completely. Doesn't bother him either - he'd have to have some massive sense of entitlement to think everyone should trust him just because he exists. And I teach him and his sisters to take proper precautions and not be silly about assuming you know a stranger when you don't.

Original poster
maloofhoof · 12/03/2019 17:34

What's the difference between a 19 yr old brother and a 19 yr old sister? I'd have refused if the sibling had been a sister too.

OP posts:
Orchidflower1 · 12/03/2019 18:10

Precisely op - that’s my point I would have said no regardless of the gender of the sibling.

Incedentally if it was a group of boys and an older sister I still wouldn’t be happy. It’s the absence of the parent that is the issue imho.

Missingstreetlife · 12/03/2019 18:17

Tell the other parent if you would want them to tell you.
Your daughter is v sensible, well done her and you.

needthisthread · 12/03/2019 18:27

What's the difference between a 19 yr old brother and a 19 yr old sister? I'd have refused if the sibling had been a sister too

I didn’t make a difference. I responded to your comment which was...

think it's naive for any one to trust a 19 year old man to be in charge of three 15 year old girls.

I don’t see any difference, but you posted about not trusting a 19yo man

Pythonesque · 12/03/2019 18:47

I thought the biggest worry in this situation was whether there was sufficient to protect the kids involved from being gatecrashed by uninvited guests. And it would be a no from me too.

AuntMarch · 12/03/2019 19:15

A very delayed response here, but fair enough! (I read the original post as if you were concerned about them just being in the house in their own, like they were too young to be left, rather than the fact they might not have stayed there or followed ground rules.)

Original poster
maloofhoof · 12/03/2019 19:25

Yes you did. You said that as the parent of a son the judgment you see daily is unbelievable. I'm the parent of a son and a daughter. I've never seen or heard judgement about either of them. You seem to have taken offense that I'd not trust your son to the point it makes you cry. To me that's completely baffling.

OP posts:
HavelockVetinari · 12/03/2019 19:32

@needthisthread the thing is there IS a big difference between a 19 year old male and a 19 year old female, and it's stupid to pretend otherwise. Statistically a 19 year old male is FAR more likely to engage in risky or criminal behaviour, to sexually assault someone, to take drugs or any number of things. It's not sexism to state facts and take risk factors into account.

needthisthread · 12/03/2019 19:34

Yes you did. You said that as the parent of a son the judgment you see daily is unbelievable. I'm the parent of a son and a daughter. I've never seen or heard judgement about either of them.

You read it regularly on here. But the point was I ONLY commented because you said think it's naive for any one to trust a 19 year old man to be in charge of three 15 year old girls.

You seem to have taken offense that I'd not trust your son to the point it makes you cry.

Not offended. It is awful the way you g men are judged though.

To me that's completely baffling.

Not literally sat with tears steaming down my face despite what I posted. Because that would be batshit crazy. I do however feel sad for the judgement young men receive.

I realise you say you would feel the same if it were a 19 year old woman, however that wasn't the case when I initially responded.

needthisthread · 12/03/2019 19:35

havelock

Bang! And there we have it.

This is EXACTLY the judgemental attitude I see on here daily.

Thank you for providing the example.

Mmmmbrekkie · 12/03/2019 19:35

@needthisthread

You may not want to believe it but

19 year old male is much more likely than a 19 year old female to engage in:

Dangerous driving
Sexual assault
Violence
Pretty much any crime other than shoplifting.

needthisthread · 12/03/2019 19:36

Oh and I never mentioned sexism btw. The mere fact that you would judge my son to be a potential sex offender makes me sick. And very very sad for his future if that is how people see him.

Mmmmbrekkie · 12/03/2019 19:36

Very odd @needthisthread

Very odd

Mmmmbrekkie · 12/03/2019 19:37

Oh and I never mentioned sexism btw. The mere fact that you would judge my son to be a potential sex offender makes me sick. And very very sad for his future if that is how people see him.

Oh and we are back to the high dramatics now

Original poster
maloofhoof · 12/03/2019 19:37

needthisthread I take you don't have a daughter?

OP posts:
afrikat · 12/03/2019 19:38

For me at that age if no parents were present there were drugs, booze and sex so I'd be wary!

needthisthread · 12/03/2019 19:39

You may not want to believe it but

19 year old male is much more likely than a 19 year old female to engage in:
Dangerous driving
Sexual assault
Violence
Pretty much any crime other than shoplifting.

Right. Except I didn't say anything about 19yo women. I didn't compare.

Original poster
maloofhoof · 12/03/2019 19:39

Wow! I literally have no words.

OP posts:
Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.