Dd2 doesn't like dd1's boyfriend staying over.

[avenueq]

He stays over maybe three Saturdays a month - arrives about 6 pm, leaves around noon on Sunday.
Dd1 is 17 and off to uni in September, dd2 is 15.
I feel dd2 has to deal with it. I don't think three nights a month is excessive, and when he's here he's very polite, we all have dinner then dd1 and bf do their own thing.
Dd2 says she feels uncomfortable in her own home and therefore I shouldn't allow it so often. But I tell her she'll prob feel differently one day and will want the same or more then.
Also, with dd1 leaving for uni soon I don't want to make her feel unwelcome.
Who do you think is right?

I think DD2 should suck it up and is being a teen drama queen if there is a genuine reason as to why she feels uncomfortable then I would try to find this out, but from your post I don't see much of a problem, especially as he's nice

Have you asked her why she feels uncomfortable exactly?

YABU. it is your DD's home. Cut back the amount.

I have asked her but she can't give a specific reason, just that she feels restricted in her privacy. She's generally quite particular, for example she hates people coming into her room.

Ask her why she feels uncomfortable. Does she not get on with him? Or is it a privacy thing - does she have to share a bathroom with him for example? Try and understand what it is that’s bothering her.

Dirty, I disagree with you. Why should DD2 feel u comfortable in her own home? You're saying his need to stay is more important than her.

It's also dd1's home though? What amount do you think is reasonable?

I can see both sides.

DD2 should be able to feel comfortable in her own home. DD1 should be allowed to have people stay over.

Tbh, if DD1 is off to uni soon then I'd probably just ask her if she could wait untill she's in her own place to have her boyfriend over.

You say he only stays three times a month...but that's three Saturdays out of four. Have you asked DD2 why she feels so uncomfortable around him? Has he ever been inappropriate around her? Does she have a crush on him perhaps?

Ok so it’s a privacy thing. Can you tell us a bit more about your house and the living arrangements - do the girls share a bathroom, are their bedrooms next door to each other (perhaps she can hear them through the wall and is embarrassed to say), is she expected to share breakfast with him while in her PJs ..... ?

I'm 100 % sure he hasn't been inappropriate, and that she doesn't have a crush on him. I really think it's to do with her intense liking for privacy.
I know it's three out of four Saturdays, but then it's three out of 30 days a month!

Have you asked her why she feels uncomfortable exactly?
Awaiting massive drip feed that the DDs share a room. 😂
It is most likely the walls are thin and the younger DD is being subjected to the audio of them DTD and PDAs everytime he stays over.

Does anyone else think it might be the DM's BF instead of the DD's BF?

Hmm, if it's a privacy thing what does she mean? Like she wouldn't feel comfortable sat in her PJs around him, or close room proximity? I'd just have to ask, and try and reach a compromise, as I can see both sides of it now I think a bit more.

There's one family bathroom upstairs which we all use, but dd1 and bf stay in dd1's room all evening if they don't go out so that shouldn't really interfere. In the morning they keep out of the way as well pretty much - tbh you'd hardly know they're there!
Their rooms are next to each other but I'm pretty sure if it was dd2 hearing stuff she shouldn't she'd say, she's quite open in that respect

Rather than spending three Saturdays a month at yours, can't they spend more time at his home?
Maybe DD2 just feels more relaxed without visitors most weekends. Presumably she has her own stuff going on, exams and the usual teenage stresses.

It is most likely the walls are thin and the younger DD is being subjected to the audio of them DTD and PDAs everytime he stays over

Yes, I think it’s probably this.

Sex might be quite a scary prospect for her at 15, and having her close-in-age sister being sexually active might make her feel weird and uncomfortable.

Maybe the idea of her sister having sex is a bit weird? It made me feel odd at that age!

Thecutecouple haha no, still
Stuck with dh of 21 years

So if I said alternate between his and our house would that be reasonable do you think?

That would be much more reasonable. I have a lot of sympathy for your 15yo tbh.

3 saturdays though equals 3 Sunday mornings, which is the time for most of us we relax and want to stay in pyjamas etc. It’s not the same as the 20 weekday mornings where people go out early

So no she isn’t being unreasonable in feeling that him being there stops that but neither is your other daughter in wanting her boyfriend

A calm discussion and compromise (maybe 2 Sunday’s and another non Sat/Sun days)

Because at the moment you are saying her discomfort doesn’t count and her sister desire to have her boyfriend stay trumps that

I think one reason I get slightly annoyed with dd2 is because dd2 has a gay best friend who has often stayed over esp as he has family issues and we've always welcomed him with open arms and I'm trying to make her understand that my policy is to welcome those my children are close to, provided they are good people obv

I have a lot of sympathy for both your daughters really, I can see why this is such a difficult situation! Agree that maybe your younger daughter is hearing stuff that she’d rather not, but maybe it’s just irritating her rather than upsetting her. Could you suggest to your older daughter that they drop down one Saturday so it’s every other Saturday as a compromise?

I suspect she’s uncomfortable because she’s 15 and she knows what her sister is doing in the next room. I don’t blame her.

Sunday mornings dd2 keeps to her room regardless of him being here or not so not sure how it affects her in a practical sense, but I will suggest every other weekend to dd1