Say 'no' to giving DD's friend a home for a year?

[Madmog]

DD has a lovely 17 year old friend. A while ago we found out that while growing up she's been abused by her parents, her earliest memory being at three years. Not constantly, but verbal and physical abuse. She picked up the courage to tell the school a few months ago (although she'd confided in DD before that without us knowing). Myself, another parent and school reported parents to Social Services and they've been involved, as well as regular support at school. She's still at home as wants to go to uni so basically needs a roof over her head while she does her A levels. The relationship has totally broken down, they don't speak, she doesn't ask anything of them, lifts, cooking, food etc.

Social Services have now told her they can't really do much else as she's free to leave home at her age and asked her if she can come up with any other options. She's told DD there are two families she would consider, one of which is us.

Pretty sure DH will be a no, but that's half how I half feel. DD has a bursary at a school away from home, so it would be just us and friend most of the time. Her friend would have DD's room and one sleep on the floor when DD comes home for hols (that part isn't an issue). I suppose we're at that age where our child is independent and we can just think of ourselves, go out when we want, put pjs on at 7pm etc etc. DD's friend is willing to cook, do her own washing, but I don't want to be working around someone else in the kitchen, queue for the shower etc. Also, feeling I need to keep the house clean more clean and tidy. We could afford to feed another, but then would have to cut back on treats.

At the same time, I half feel I'm letting her down. I've always made it clear friend can contact us if she needs to, and she's done this once late on a Saturday and come to us. This offer will continue. Another consideration is letting her just live here while doing her A levels, approx a month, so she can have a clear head without pressures from home (which there will be as she's already a failure in their books). That's not so bad, as it's only a month and DD wants to return between her exams sometimes.

Any thoughts?

I'd suggest you get advice such as from the Coram centre mentioned earlier or even CAB.

Basically SS are chronically underfunded, and shoving a 17 year old out to a cheap but safe informal arrangement would suit them. She also needs to be able to prove she is "alienated" from her parents to get extra support and money at Uni.

I'd take her in. She studying and obviously planning for a good future.

One of my childhood friends went to a children's home for a month after her relationship with her parents broke down. It totally messed her up. I'd wanted her to stay with us but my mum felt she should go into the home.

I am the 17 year old except it’s now a lot of years later.... my friends parents had only known me a few years, not my whole life, yet were still kind enough to be there when I really needed someone. Honestly I am so grateful to them. I cannot explain how much. X

Poor Kid. Where does she live? I’d take her in a heartbeat if she lives near me. She sounds lovely. It takes a village to raise a child and all that.

For the sake of one year of not being able to put your PJs on when you want to and a few less treats you should do it. As for the kitchen useage - just cook for her then she won’t have to be dancing around you in the kitchen.

We have already taken in my son’s friend for a year after his abusive mother threw him out and also taken in the gf of our son who is not being properly cared for at home. Both these children say we have saved and transformed their lives.

You are going to have many many years ahead of you with the house to yourselves, to be able to do whatever you want to do, giving up one year of that to help a child, who will be no trouble from the sound of it, is nothing in the whole scheme of things.
Also, she won’t care if you’ve got your PJs on or how tidy the house is.